Thunder Rolls
by Kattungefisk
Summary: Lucrezia is not amused when she is sent to watch over her idiot nephew Lambo in Japan. The school's 'no electronics' policy amuses her even less. HibariOC
1. The Bovino Technophile

_Fanfics where new characters are just dropped into the middle of the canon story have always interested me, so I decided to write one. Here goes..._

_KHR does not belong to me, regrettably._

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**Chapter One: The Bovino Technophile

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"Look here, Lucrezia, it's your little nephew!" A young woman with dark brown hair and bright green eyes gestured to her younger sister to hold the little boy.

Lucrezia, only nine and dressed in her private school uniform, surveyed the small child with an air of obvious dislike. "Right. And what was that stupid name you and Luigi decided on?"

With a scandalized gasp, Stella pulled her son away, "His name is Lambo! Lambo is a cute name!"

"…Lambo…? How irritating…"

It was only to be a promise for the years to come.

* * *

Five years later, the glow of a computer screen etched shadows into Lucrezia's face as she watched her download progress bar. Outside of her room, her mother was screaming Italian profanities into the phone. Instead of bothering to translate it, the girl simply readjusted her glasses (ignoring the light 'click' of the frames tapping against her nose piercing) and waited for it all to end.

Her bedroom door opened a crack. "'Crezia?" Jeff, her step-father, asked worriedly, "What's she saying?"

"Don't know, don't care, but I know she's talking to Nonno Bovino, if that helps."

"Not really, it actually makes me more concerned." He shut the door behind him as he left to go calm his fiery wife.

Bella Morrison, formerly Bella James, Bella Richardson, Bella Primo and Bella Bovino, was an ex-model who'd once had a habit of going after men with money and divorcing them within a year. Her first marriage to Mario Primo ended in a two year court battle for custody of her first daughter Stella. The third one to Brandon James, owner of a chain of grocery stores in the states, resulted in Lucrezia, though the girl rarely saw her father. Jeff was the fourth and the longest lasting – their twelfth anniversary was coming up.

Stella had taught Lucrezia how to talk. The girl had learned to walk from Bella (and it was a catwalk walk too, a habit she'd had to train herself out of). But it was Jeff who had given Lucrezia her passion. As the CEO of a small-time gaming company, he had always brought home bits of software and platforms for his younger step-daughter to play with. As Lucrezia got older, she demanded new things – cell phones, video game platforms, mp3 players and whatever the latest computer was. Every interesting program she could find was downloaded and played with before being disposed of for a newer, shinier version. All in all, she was a technophile.

At the moment, she was waiting for her Firefly episodes to finish downloading while texting her friend Jasmine about their homework and plans for Summer Break. Both of them had gone to the same snooty private school and had quickly become friends when they had realized both hated the place and loved the same kind of tech and anime. Jasmine was intending to spend the break in England bothering her cousin (whom she had said was named Spanner, though Lucrezia had suspected it was a nickname. After all, who would name their kid after a wrench?) while Lucrezia was going to simply chill and work on her latest project, a do-it-yourself robot kit.

Sadly, things do not always work out as planned.

"Lucrezia Allegra James! Come down here RIGHT NOW!" Apparently her mother was finished screaming into the phone at her father in Italy and had decided to turn her wrath on her daughter.

Groaning, Lucrezia pushed away from her desk and meandered down the stairs, pausing by a mirror in the hallway to fluff up her short strawberry blonde hair while tucking some of it behind heavily pierced ears. Though everyone else in her family was tanned and black haired with the bright green Bovino eyes, Lucrezia took after her father, sharing his fair skin, brown eyes and hair colouring. She even had his shortness, to her annoyance. Once again readjusting her glasses, she skipped down the main stairway into her living room.

One look told her that she should've stayed upstairs. Bella was pacing the room, an obviously pissed off look on her face. On the couch was Jeff, his head in his hands. "Mama?" asked Lucrezia cautiously, "What's wrong?"

Whipping around to glare at her daughter, Bella hissed out, "Your grandfather sent Lambo off to his doom."

"Good," answered Lucrezia, "I hated the kid." Lambo was her sister's son and she couldn't stand him. As a joke, she had once made him a cow print onesie in a Home Ec. class she'd been forced into and since then he'd refused to wear anything that didn't have a cow print on it. Stella had never forgiven her.

"Lucrezia! He was sent to kill Reborn!"

Reborn. Reborn, Reborn, Reborn. Now, why was that name familiar? Thinking back, Lucrezia tried to remember. She, like her mother, mostly tried to ignore the family business, but kept up on the important things, like names to run away from really fast. Ah! That was where she knew the name from! Oh, wait.

"So, he sent my nephew after the greatest hitman there was ever known to be?"

"Yes!"

"Well, he's Mario's responsibility, right? We can leave it up to him."

She tried to escape from her horrible fate. She really did. She was almost out of the room when her mother's handed landed on her shoulder.

"Lucrezia, sweetheart," it was a scary, loving voice that usually meant that bad things were going to happen to her, "You like that Japanese cartoon stuff, right?"

"Yes…"

"Enough that you've been taking Japanese classes at school, correct?"

"…Mama, what're you suggesting-?"

Instantly, a cellphone was whipped out and Bella was dialing a number, "We can send you to Japan to watch over Lambo!"

What?

"NO, MAMA, NO!"

And all of Lucrezia's plans dissipated into the air.

* * *

Apparently, Reborn had been sent to Japan to tutor a young boy named Tsunayoshi Sawada so that Tsuna would grow up and be the awesome tenth boss of the Vongola family. Lambo had been sent there to kill Reborn so that he could become the boss of the Bovino mafia family despite the fact that he was only five. For some strange reason, Lambo now lived with Reborn, Tsuna, Tsuna's mother and Bianchi, another assassin who was in love with Reborn and poisoned people.

Lucrezia was informed of this by Reborn, whom she was now sitting across from at the dining room table, one week after her mother had made that horrible, dreadful decision to send her to Japan. Japan was nice enough – though she was long past her days of squealing over every new episode-chapter-whatever of Naruto (an obsession that had left her with a poorly thought out chicken butt haircut that never grew out properly and therefore remained ever present on her head), there were still plenty of awesome animes airing every morning for her to watch. The food was good, Nana Sawada was a kind woman, Tsuna was at least a good-hearted loser and though Bianchi had some issues, after Lucrezia swore that she had no interest in Reborn the woman was more than happy to accept the girl.

No, the main problem with Japan was what was currently clutching to her leg and dancing.

"Zia 'Crezia is here! Lambo-san's Zia 'Crezia is here! Bwa ha ha ha!" Shouted Lambo as loudly as possible. Twitching, Lucrezia tried to shake him off.

"Shut up, you stupid wannabe cow! Just be quiet and sit in the corner! I'm sending you back to Nonno and then heading home myself so that my holiday isn't a complete waste!" Lucrezia shouted back, equally as loud.

"No."

"Eh?" Both Bovinos looked up at the toddler hitman who was smiling benignly, "What do you mean, 'No'?"

Sipping the tea, he answered, "We have plans for this idiot. And since you have to take care of him, you're staying here too."

Lucrezia just looked at him in shock. "No way! I refuse to get involved in any mafia business! Lambo and I are leaving and that's it!"

"Why don't you call your grandfather and see what he says?"

Pulling out her cellphone, the girl furiously struck the keypad with her Nonno's number, "Don't think I won't!" The phone on the other side rang until the Bovino boss's voice answered.

"Hello?"

"Nonno!" Cried Lucrezia, "I've got Lambo, you want him back, like, now, right?"

There was a pause on the other end. "But, 'Crezia," her grandfather protested, "He had so wanted this opportunity, and when Signore Iemitsu suggested it, how could I resist treating my adorable little great-grandson?"

Normally Lucrezia would've snorted at the mention of Lambo's adorableness but something else had caught her attention, "Opportunity? Iemitsu?" She asked suspiciously, "What's going on here, Nonno?"

"Err, ah, whatever could you mean, my lovely little 'Crezia? Ah, I think I had gotten off track with our conversation, just looking at some files here, must've read some words off of them, heh heh…" Twitching, the technophile gripped her phone tightly, hearing the lie in her grandfather's words, "Anyway, since you're there to take of him, it should be alright."

"But Nonno-!"

"I'm sure it would be what Stella would've wanted."

The old man always had a way with making Lucrezia do what he wanted. It was with treats when she was little. It was by mentioning her sister now. "…Only for the summer, Nonno," she whispered softly, "I want to be back in time for school."

"Alright, dear," He said warmly, "Take care."

"You too."

The line went dead.

Reborn just kept on smiling, "Welcome to the family." Lambo shrieked like a crazed monkey and climbed onto her lap, screaming with joy about how his auntie was going to stay with him.

…

_Fuck. What've I gotten myself into?_

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* * *

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Despite the fact that she was basically being forced to stay there through her grandfather's guilt-tripping, and also that she had to take care of her idiot nephew, Lucrezia found herself slowly beginning to enjoy Japan. Even if Tsuna was skeptical when he first heard about the new member of the household.

"What?" The boy had shrieked, "We can't fit anymore people here!"

Bianchi just smiled at the boy smugly, "There's plenty of room for the two of us and Lambo in the traditional room," she told him.

"I don't want to be here," snapped Lucrezia, "I just have to watch over this idiot." Jabbing her chopsticks at her nephew, she quickly remembered her manners, "Though I do thank you for your kindness in letting me stay here."

"Mom!" Tsuna turned to his mother for support, "Can we really afford to feed another person?"

Happily passing out food, Nana smiled at her son, "Of course! Her family has said they would send money as long as she and Lambo were here."

"But-! But-!"

Sighing, the technophile just shook her head. The rest of dinner was just regular idle chatter, though Tsuna still looked unhappy when he stood up to go do homework for his remedial classes. Reborn was going with him as his 'tutor'.

Lucrezia figured that it would be better to get along with him than to have him sulk about her presence for however long she was to be there.

"Hey, Tsuna. What's your homework on?"

"Mathematics," he sighed pitifully.

With a maniacal grin, Lucrezia swung her arm onto his shoulder, "Luckily for you, I happen to be one of the top students at my private school in Math!"

"R-really?" Suddenly his eyes were shining and he clutched her shirt desperately, "You'll help me?"

She couldn't resist and patted him on his spiky hair, "Yes, yes, I'll help you."

Five minutes later, she sat completely stupefied in front of his homework. It wasn't that the homework was exceedingly advanced or unbelievably easy. It was just that all of it was in kanji. Despite three years of Japanese lessons, she had never caught on to the Japanese alphabet past hiragana and katakana and had therefore proceeded to ignore its existence. That was, until it reared its ugly head and stared her in the face. She pushed it back to the future Vongola boss. "Translate it to English, and then I'll help you."

"Y-you can't read numbers?" He asked her nervously. Her bitter glare was answer enough. "What am I going to do?" He shrieked, "I'll fail the remedial classes and get kicked out of school!"

"Don't worry; I thought this might happen, so I called over some people to help." Said Reborn with that damn evil smile that never. Ever. Leaves.

The door to the room slammed open, revealing two teenage boys, one with silver hair and green eyes (also a foreigner, she noted) and a Japanese guy with spiky hair and an idiotic grin. "I heard that the Tenth needed help!" The first one cried out before noticing the girl. "Who are you?" He demanded.

"Maa, you should be nicer to girls, Gokudera-kun," the Japanese boy scolded.

"G-Gokudera-kun! Yamamoto!" Tsuna smiled a bit, though he did look worried, "This is, uh, Lambo's aunt, Lucrezia. She'll be staying here for the summer…"

With an evil glare, Gokudera surveyed her, "Ch, that stupid cow's aunt? That would make you part of that Bovino family, right? The one nobody gives a damn about 'cause their boss can't seem to do anything worthwhile?"

In an instant, the girl had flown up from her seat and slammed the taller boy into the wall with her whole body, shocking the rest of the room's occupants. "Shut your filthy mouth and _never_ talk that way about my grandfather again," growled Lucrezia, eyes flashing with anger, "He tries, okay? It's not his fault that there are just too many people for him to compete against in the Mafia!"

"Hey, now, let's not fight," pacified Yamamoto, coming between the two, "Tsuna and me need help with our homework, so let's work on that."

"Th-thanks, Yamamoto-kun…" Tsuna tried but was interrupted by Gokudera's shocked reminder that he had been called there to help his beloved boss pass remedial classes. The sound of his voice, unfortunately summoned the bane of their lives.

"Bwa-ha-ha! Lambo-san is here!" The small boy ran into the room happily, "Prepare yourself, Reborn!" Out of his afro the child pulled out a grenade, pulled the pin and threw it, landing it in Tsuna's hands.

The people in the room began to spaz out immediately, tossing the grenade around like a hot potato.

"THAT'S NOT A TOY!"

"TEEEENTH~! WATCH OUT~!"

"What kind of game is this…?"

"WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?"

Quickly grabbing it out of the air, Tsuna managed to toss it out the window, resulting in a large 'BANG!' in the backyard. Sighing, he turned around with a tired look on his face, "It's okay now…"

With stars in his eyes, Gokudera leapt over and grasped Tsuna's hands, "Tenth! You were so amazing and cool!"

Grinning, Yamamoto leaned over and ruffled the smaller boy's hair, "Yeah, good job Tsuna!"

"Yeah, yeah, good job, YOU LITTLE SNOT, WHY ARE CARRYING GRENADES AROUND IN YOUR HAIR?" Screamed out Lucrezia, holding her nephew by the collar of his bodysuit, "WHAT ELSE DO YOU HAVE IN THERE? MACHETES? NUKES? IS YOUR HAIR WHERE ALL MY CELLPHONES GO?"

"Wuh-wuh-" Lambo began to sniffle, "Waaaah! Zia 'Crezia is being mean to me!"

Smiling happily, Nana peeked into the room carrying a tray with tea on it, "Is everything alright up here?"

Lucrezia held up Lambo, a dark cloud looming over her head, "Nana-san… please take him away… I can't take it anymore…"

"O-oh," putting the tea tray down, Nana picked up Lambo, "Well, then, why don't we leave the big kids be and take a bath?"

"I don't wanna bath!" Wailed the child as he was carried downstairs. With a breath of relief, Lucrezia turned around and smiled eerily at the boys behind her.

"So, should we get back to that math homework…? Heh heh…"

Tsuna dreaded what the rest of the summer would bring.

* * *

What the rest of the summer would bring turned out to be less of a problem than what the news of no internet would to the small girl with some dependancy issues. When she first heard Tsuna point the fact out, Lucrezia's heart stopped. Could it really be possible? Were there truly such dark places in the world that didn't have _the internet_?

After panicking and finding out that what Tsuna said was horrifyingly true, the strawberry blonde started to feel the dreaded pull of withdrawal that she usually only felt when the principal of her school took away her cellphones, palm pilots, mp3 players and such. By now, she could tell the symptoms right off.

First came the chills. Following that was hyperventilation, nausea, headaches, and within five minutes she was curled up in a ball shaking and sobbing. Tsuna had run out to fetch Nana in hopes that she could do something to ease the girl's suffering.

But it wasn't Nana who ended up saving Lucrezia's sanity. Rather, it was a few text messages from a girl with white-blonde hair on the other side of the world.

**Hullo, luv! Enjoying the Japanese telly? Tell if you see anything brill!**

Staring at the small screen of her cellphone with bleary eyes, Lucrezia quickly snapped a message back.

**dam it jasmine talk lk that n ill talk lk this. no internet hr. im goin to die!**

**FINE, DENY ME MY NEWLY ACQUIRED BRITSH-NESS, YOU WANKER. Have you tried hacking into someone's wireless?**

Lucrezia bolted up so fast that she ended up spending a moment completely overwhelmed by dizziness. Why hadn't she thought of that? Surely someone must have internet nearby…

…**Hush you. Go drink tea and eat Haggis, or something.**

Clicking it off, Lucrezia dived over to her laptop and clicked up her wireless settings, shuting her eyes and praying to whatever god might watch over technology to give her at least one wireless network. She opened an eye and peeked out.

There was one.

"SCORE!" Happily clicking on it and pulling up a hacking program Jasmine and her had developed, she ran it through and picked up the owner's username and password, both written in katakana. She peered closer at it and read them both:

Username: namimoriskylark

Password: kamikorosu

Entering them in, the girl sighed happily and brought up Google. All was now well.

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In a dark, traditionally styled room, a young man glowered as his internet began to lag.

Someone would be bitten to death for it.

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_Soooo... review?_


	2. Mama 'Crezia vs NamimoriSkylark

_Thank you all so much for the reviews! I'm actually kind of shocked that it got such a good reception... I hadn't been expecting that. 0.o But, thanks again and please enjoy!  
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_I don't own KHR. _

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**Chapter Two: Mama 'Crezia vs. NamimoriSkylark

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_Dear Mama,_

_Lambo is a whiny, selfish little brat, which obviously means he's just fine. Nana Sawada thanks you for sending the money, since she's having to now board four extra people. Can you send me my Gamecube and it's games? Also, do you know of a 'Bianchi' in Nonno's business?_

_Yours,_

_Lucrezia

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Japan had an excess of rice.

So far, in the past two weeks, Lucrezia had eaten rice for breakfast, lunch and dinner and there was no sign of it stopping. Fortunately, there were many delicious side dishes as well - yakitori, tempura, tonkatsu and a mysterious dish named unagi that she still refused to be told what it was. Also, thanks to forewarning from Tsuna, all of Bianchi's cooking was subtly disposed of when the pink-haired woman's back was turned.

More rice was put into the cooker, "So, Tsu-kun, what're you going to be doing in your remedial classes today?" Nana asked cheerfully while her morose son sulkily chewed on his breakfast.

"The same thing I do everyday, mom..." He mumbled back.

"Try to take over the world?" Exclaimed Lucrezia in an absurdly cheerful way for seven in the morning. She glanced about, noting the confused looks. "Ah. None of you've ever seen that show? Alright then..." Settling back in, she contentedly plopped a chunk of rice into her mouth.

Just for the fun of it, the bored technophile decided to follow Tsuna to his school the next, opting out on actually joining him in the class. She was on vacation, damn it, and no way in Hell was she spending it in summer school, like she actually belonged in it. It would hurt her overly inflated though easily damaged pride, which was as delicate as a hundred year old glass vase teetering on the edge of a side table in a house with two cats, a dog and Lambo. Instead, she decided to wander around the school for awhile before going back to the house.

The school consisted of three buildings for each year and while rather modern in design, it didn't compare to her fancy private school back home. Still, if Tsuna and Yamamoto were any sign of the people here, the students here were way kinder than her school, which was filled with suspicious, snobby and bitter rich kids who were children of politicians, CEOs and old money families who prepared themselves for the real world by being totally cutthroat in their classes. It was almost like those teen series books that were only filled with cash, bitches, and boys. Not that she would know - to her, books were too old fashioned. They used _paper_, for the love of all things shiny and codeable!

Finally reaching the roof of the first year's building, Lucrezia walked out into the warm sunlight and over to the wire fence that kept any idiots from falling or jumping over the edge. Pulling on it gently, she noted that it had been replaced recently and glanced about the school yard. There wasn't much to see, only a few classrooms filled with a few people who were also in remedial classes and, sitting over on the rooftop of the second year's building, another boy in a uniform, though for some reason his had a weird red and gold armband. While she stared at him, he suddenly snapped his head over and glared at her, standing up and walking to the edge of his building.

"Who are you and what are you doing at Namimori Middle School not wearing the proper uniform?" He demanded harshly, his cold voice traveling over the gap between them.

The American girl blinked in surprise and offense. What gave this guy the right to be a jackass when they've never even met before? "You douche bag!" Hissed out from between her teeth, "I don't even go here!"

The boy narrowed his eyes, "Are you registered as a visitor in the office?"

"Nooooo..." She dragged the vowel out, regarding the other guy with wary eyes.

"Then you must leave."

"What?" Lucrezia's eyes popped open, "No! I'm going to stay here, just to spite you! Ha! Bite me, bitch!"

Apparently the wrong thing to say. "I'll bite you _to death_."

Raising an eyebrow, Lucrezia rolled her eyes. "I'm so scared of a scrawny little boy with too long hair and colourful armband. Someone please help me." Droning that out boredly (while pointedly ignoring the fact that the guy looked to be at least four inches taller than her), she flicked her hand at him as if shooing away a fly, "Now, bye bye, little boy! The big kids are going to go play now!" With that, she flounced back to the door leading to the stairs and kept going until she reached the bottom floor and the school yard. Reaching back to fluff up the back of her hair, Lucrezia glanced over shoulder to see the figure of the boy still standing, glowering at her. Grinning cockily, she popped him the finger and skipped out the school gate.

WHAM!

Only to run into a girl who had been lurking behind it. Both of them sprawled out on the ground, clutching their heads in pain, Lucrezia moaning and the other girl whimpering something that sounded vaguely like "Hahi~". Getting up slowly so as not to stress her brain out any more, she leaned over and offered a hand to the other girl, who gratefully accepted it.

"Thank you!" She said happily, "Haru was just waiting for Tsuna to arrive, but he hasn't made it yet."

"Oh." Weird. Tsuna had a girlfriend? "Actually, you missed him, he's already inside."

Haru looked at her in total shock. "But – but Haru made him a bento!" Sadly, she held up a black lacquered box with a pink patterned handkerchief around it.

"Well, maybe if you run it in to the office, they could call him at the lunch break to pick it up?"

"N-no," sniffled Haru as she turned around, "I'll just go home..."

_Oh, damn it all_. "Why don't you drop by the house when he's finished here?" Offered the blonde. Dropping her bento box, the pony-tailed girl raced back to hug her.

"I can? Really? Okay! See you later!" Picking the box back up, Haru raced off, leaving behind her a rather confused person.

"...Do you even know who I am?"

* * *

Glancing up from her computer screen where she was trying to get back into the wireless network of the mysterious 'namimoriskylark' (who apparently got better security against hackers), Lucrezia raised an eyebrow at the three boys entering Tsuna's bedroom. "Hey guys. Are those snacks?"

"Yeah, I just brought them over!" Yamamoto grinned happily, "Can you help us with our math homework?"

"Is it in kanji?"

"Yes."

"Permission to go fuck yourself is granted. Now hush down, Mama 'Crezia's bringing in the big guns. All Skylarks of the Namimori variety are going down." A disk was inserted into the laptop, "And it's on! Neee-roooow, pew pew pew! Die, bitch, die! This is what happens when you deny me my internets! Pew pew! Firewall down! Mission accomplished, whores! Password acquired! All your wireless are belong to me, Monsieur namimoriskylark! I! Am! BITCHIN'!" Hooting with pride, she pumped her fists into the air.

Twitching angrily while Yamamoto laughed and commented on how silly she was, Gokudera whipped out a handful of dynamite, "How dare you desecrate the ears of the Tenth! What're you doing in his room, anyway?"

"I get the best connection here." Picking up the laptop, she began walking out the doorway, "Remember this for me: 'if-you-try-this-again-i-will-hunt-you-down-and-bite-you-to-death'. All in katakana." As she exited, a thought suddenly formed in her mind: _Why does that sound familiar? _She was trying to figure it out when she entered the kitchen and spotted Haru at the stove and stirring a steaming pot of what smelled like kimchi. When the now-totally-creeping-Lucrezia-out girl turned around and noticed her, a chill rolled down the half-Italian's spine.

Putting down the spoon, Haru clapped her hands with joy, "Yay! You're here too! I was hoping you'd be!"

Slowly, Lucrezia began to inch back to the door, "How did you know where Tsuna lives?"

"I once tracked him down to rescue Reborn from his evil clutches! But then I fell in love with him, so it's okay!"

"...How did you get in?"

"Reborn let me in!"

The toddler who was sitting on the table with a pile of clothes next to him nodded sagely, "I thought that she could help the boys take a break from their work and relax in awhile."

"...Great. Last question: did you two meet during recreation time at the Funny Farm?" All Haru did was blink blankly at her, while Reborn pulled a pistol from out of his suit and pointed it at her.

"Want to say that again?"

Finally reaching the door, Lucrezia booked it, barely dodging the bullets aimed after her and wondering what Nana would think when she got home from picking up groceries with Lambo and to find bullet holes in her walls. She made it to the traditional room and sat down in the corner to begin writing a program that would save her the trouble of having to constantly re-hack into namimoriskylark's internet.

It was hours later (around seven o'clock) when she first heard the shouting.

"I'm sorry! I don't know how to do it!"

"Damn you! If you don't know how, don't act like you do!"

Sighing heavily and setting aside the screen that had been playing Doctor Who episodes, since she'd gotten bored with the programming, Lucrezia trodded upstairs to try and find out what was happening.

Inside Tsuna's room was a chaotic scene of Gokudera yelling at Haru while Tsuna typically panicked and Yamamoto tried to calm things down. And, just to add fuel to the fire, the window rattled open and a small, cow-printed butt snuck through as the other Bovino in the house climbed inside singing softly to himself.

"Who are you? I'm Lambo! Who am I? I'm Lambo!" The afro'd head whipped around and began feeling the angry stares of death being sent towards him by Tsuna, Gokudera and his all-time favouritest auntie ever Lucrezia. "I...I'm just passing by, " he told them nervously as he crossed the room to where a small kotatsu had been set up with a pot on top. "What're we having today? Yuck, kimchi..."

"Don't come for dinner!" Spazzed out Tsuna as Haru picked the little boy up and remarked on how cute he is.

Lucrezia knew a golden opportunity when she saw one and sidled over to the eccentric Japanese girl. "Do you want him?" Questioned the two time winner of the 'Worst Aunt In the Bovino Family Ever!' award, "Because if you want to take my nephew home and keep him and never give him back, that's all good by me."

Apparently Tsuna was tired of the non-regular's shenanigans. "You three! If you're not going to help with our homework, then leave!"

Haru apologized sadly as Lambo and Lucrezia blatantly ignored him. Fortunately, Yamamoto showed a rare stroke of genius and suggested they find an adult to help them with the answer to the apparently 'evil' seventh question. For reasons Lucrezia could not comprehend, both Tsuna and Gokudera looked over at Lambo before pulling faces and listening to Haru's sudden and loud declaration that she knew the _perfect _person to help them out. Everyone was excited until Haru pulled out her phone and called Bianchi.

Once again, the American was left in the dark as Gokudera bolted down the stairs as the doorbell rang, only to return moments later foaming at the mouth and being carried up to Tsuna's bedroom by Bianchi, who Lucrezia was actually surprised to find out was his older sister who had apparently spent the sunny days of her youth in the kitchen with an Easy Bake Oven and a bottle of cyanide and had enjoyed testing her treats on her younger brother. The pink-haired woman glanced over the math sheet casually before slowly and methodically tearing it apart.

"This doesn't matter at all," she declared over Tsuna's screams of horror and Lucrezia's pleas for the life of 'the beautiful math!', "What's important is love.

"It does matter!" Wailed Tsuna, "We could fail because of that! You couldn't solve the problem and now look what you've done!"

Just then, a deep voice sounded from the doorway, "No one answered the door, so I let myself in." A large man in his forties wearing a tweed suit and spectacles entered the room, "Which one was it, Haru? The problem you couldn't solve?"

"Who's he?" Asked Lucrezia suspiciously, narrowing her eyes behind her (considerably much cooler than that man's) thick rimmed glasses.

"This is my dad," answered Haru perkily, "He teaches mathematics at the university. That's why I called him." Staring at her in shock, Lucrezia realized something. _I never saw her pull out a phone! Is she... a ninja? _

Suddenly Haru was the best thing in the world all over again in Tsuna's eyes, "Why didn't you mention that from the beginning? He'd make the ultimate helper!"

"Hmm..." Miura-san picked up Yamamoto's paper and studied it intensely, "This is indeed at the highest college level, but it's nothing I can't solve. The answer is three."

"No..." Came the dreadful voice of evil out of the corner of the room where a hammock was hung, "Four." Reborn smiled, obviously delighting in being smarter than everyone else in the room, "You misapplied Foxtail's Formula. The answer is four."

"What?" Cried out Tsuna again, causing Lucrezia to seriously wonder about the strain he must get on his vocal cords, "What're you talking about, Reborn? That's a university professor you're talking to!"

A light seemed to dawn in the professor's eyes as he murmured about seeing Reborn's sideburns somewhere before he realized that apparently Reborn was the genius mathematician Borin, who would annually appear in academia to solve previously unsolved problems!

At that point, Lucrezia decided to take a painkiller for her newly developed headache and go to bed. Obviously she was getting delusional.

* * *

_Dear Mama,_

_I haven't been to school yet because I'm going home before it starts, remember? Lambo is an annoying douchebag. The Sawadas are nice. Lambo is irritating. Miss Bianchi is nice (thanks for nothing, by the way). Reborn is scary. Lambo makes me want to kick him. I want to go home. Please send my Xbox and video games._

Yours,

_Lucrezia_

_PS: Why hasn't anyone skinned this kid yet?_

With a heavy sigh, the strawberry blonde closed her laptop and glanced about the yard. While Nana was inside being a regular homemaker (which Lucrezia took to be the woman's fulltime profession – why didn't the woman do anything other than clean and cook? It was creepy!), Bianchi suntanned on the lawn and a revealing bikini and Reborn enjoyed a beer nearby her on the porch. Lucrezia had pointed out that the drink was bad for a baby's digestive system, but a quick threatening with a loaded pistol had shut her up. Tsuna was up in his room – he had sullenly told them he had homework to do while sending a dirty look at Reborn.

As for Lambo?

Thanks to an ill-fired rocket, she was able to enjoy some peace and quiet without a little boy screaming at her to play with him. It was simply a quiet summer's day, and it was her full intention to enjoy it. With a quick readjustment of her glasses, the girl stepped out into the sunshine and basked in the rays of light.

That was, until a orange-haired boy wearing glasses and carrying a wooden box appeared.

Damn it.

The boy peeked into the yard and, noticing Bianchi and her lack of modesty, dived back behind the wall. Raising an eyebrow, she glanced at the older girl who had gotten up to follow the kid.

"Did you want something? You were peeking into someone else's home..."

"I was... uh... looking for Reborn..." The boy stuttered out. Reborn hopped off of his lawn chair and headed over. Though Lucrezia considered going to help the poor kid who was about to be very confused, she figured the reaction would be funnier.

"Are you here to kill him?" Very, very confused. Re-opening her laptop, the half-Italian girl googled Yandere and wondered if Bianchi could be classified as one. A link to the explanation quickly popped up:

' "Yandere" is a Japanese term for a person who is initially very loving and gentle to someone before their devotion becomes destructive in nature, often through violence.' Slowly closing the laptop, Lucrezia shook her head and continued to watch the show.

Reborn had reached them now. "What's the matter Bianchi?" He asked before greeting the stupefied boy, who began to point over his shoulder at a little boy resting there.

"Reborn!" Declared Lambo as he got up, "Ga ha ha ha! Lambo's horns can become powerful weapons!" Sighing in the back, his aunt shook her head. Yeah, they had been powerful weapons - on the bull that Nonno had raised when he was a child. Now they were just decorations. But that didn't stop Lambo from tossing one at Reborn like a knife, only to have it knocked back into his face by a lizard on Reborn's hat that had changed into the shape of a baseball bat. The orange haired boy took off, Lambo still on his back. Deciding that it was finally enough (because if Nonno found out that the horns might've been damaged, there would be Hell to pay), the foreigner followed them out.

When she reached them, the new kid was on his cellphone, shouting at his mother. "Reborn was a baby! But he was drinking beer! And he's a crazy strong fighter!"

Lucrezia tapped him on the shoulder lightly, making him jump back screaming until he realized it was her, not Bianchi or Reborn. "Umm, sorry about them..." She tried, "I know they're really weird. Thanks for bringing my nephew home," her eye twitched, "I suppose..." Before he could say anything back, his mother on the phone distracted him by asking about Lambo. Both of them looked up to see the little boy in cow-print up a tree.

"Lambo is a child who perseveres!" He cried, pulling out some grenades, "I'll make you go boom the next time for sure! Boom! Boom! Boooom!" The grenades were tossed towards the toddler resting on a lawn chair. Eerily casual, Reborn knocked them back with paper fan that had a face on it, blowing up the tree where the five year old was.

"Reborn took out Lambo!" Screamed the boy.

"No he didn't," scowled Lucrezia, "The annoying little bugger'll live somehow."

The door to the Sawada house was thrown open. "Hey!" Called out Tsuna, "Who just blew something up? If strange rumours start going around, I'll get kicked out of school!" He noticed how Bianchi was dressed when she muttered about Lambo's stupidity, "Bianchi, why're you dressed like that? The neighbours'll think you're crazy!"

"Isn't she?" Muttered the American as the boy next to her began to go towards the spiky haired boy, until stopped by a crying toddler pointing a bazooka at himself. A large cloud of smoke suddenly enveloped the three outside of the gate.

A black-haired teenage boy suddenly stood in front of them wearing a kimono. "Here we go again..." He sighed, "Just when I was enjoying the food at the inn..."

"Lu-Luigi?" Exclaimed the shocked Bovino girl, "N-no, wait!" Lucrezia jabbed here finger at him, "Who are you and where is my nephew?"

"Ah, young Zia 'Crezia," he smiled, "You're still short."

The jaws of the two teens standing by him dropped, "L-Lambo?" Cried out Lucrezia, "Holy shit! You look just like your dad!"

"I get told that a lot..." He agreed and the two ambled off into yard, leaving behind the shocked kid with glasses askew blithering into his cellphone.

The older Lambo had just finished explaining to his aunt how the Ten Year Bazooka worked when Bianchi saw him. "Here we go again," murmuring that tiredly, he turned away, "I'll be on my way now..."

"It's okay," protested Tsuna, "I explained to Bianchi about you. Sorry about before, Lambo." The brown-haired boy moved over to where the bikini wearing assassin was lying, "You see, this is what that kid will look like in ten years. See? Do you understand now, Bianchi? Bianchi...?

The young woman pulled out a poisonous cake. "So you were still alive, Romeo."

Lucrezia glanced around, "What's going on? Is something bad about to happen to this version of my nephew? Because I kind of like him now..."

"It's not him, I said!" Tsuna spazzed as the older Bovino boy took off with Bianchi hot on his heels, "RUN LAMBO!"

Out of nowhere, a bullet nicked Lucrezia's earrings and more began to land at her and Tsuna's feet. "Bianchi's marksmanship was the worst," Reborn informed them, "You never know where her bullets will fly."

"Shit! Screw this!" Lucrezia ran off towards the house, only to get stopped by a stream of bullets right in front of her, "Noooo!"

"Do something, Reborn!" Tsuna pleaded, "At this rate, someone is going to get killed!"

A pistol was pulled out of nowhere and pointed at the boy, "You can take care of it, right Tsuna?" Reborn pulled the trigger with a bang, sending Tsuna flying back.

"Why did you just shoot him?" Screamed Lucrezia. Reborn just smiled at her in a 'you'll see' kind of way.

Tsuna's body suddenly ripped out of his clothing, leaving him only in his boxers, "REBORN!" He shouted, "I WILL STOP THE FIGHT WITH MY DYING WILL!"

Blinking her brown eyes, the half-Italian just sat back down on the porch. "I," she declared, "Am utterly confused."

Nana leaned out the door with a tray of drinks, "Are you thirsty, dear?"

Lucrezia stared at her for a moment, looked at all the chaos surrounding them and then looked back. The face of Tsuna's mother was still beaming peace and contentment despite everything.

"...Sure." Taking a sip, Lucrezia decided that if she was going to be anyone when she grew up, she wanted to be Nana Sawada. There had to be some serious Zen of Awesome or something going on in that woman's mind.

* * *

_Nana is seriously awesome. I bet she was a yanki or something before she met Iemitsu, because that would just be so cool._

_And, ohhh, Lucrezia, you are so going to die...  
_

_Please leave a review if you enjoyed it!  
_


	3. Camcorders, Cows and Caffeine

_Thanks for the reviews! Does anyone else think it's strange that Ryohei is actually shorter than Hibari...?__ Also, rather than go the manga way as I usually do, I've decided to write the Hibari part from the anime, because past the animation, it's more fun._

_I dedicate this chapter to my Guin, because she hates it when I write really long chapters and I'm just a mean person.  
_

_I don't own KHR.

* * *

_**Chapter Three: Camcorders, Cows**** and Caffeine**_  
_

_

* * *

Dear Mama,_

_I. _

_HATE. _

_YOU._

_Yours,_

_Lucrezia

* * *

_

Tsuna woke up to surprising quiet the morning that school was back in. Instead of the usual late morning wake up by Reborn or any of the others, it was the soft buzzing of his alarm clock that lulled him out of his slumber.

The second wake-up call he got half an hour later wasn't so nice.

"Tsuuu-kuuuun!" Nana's voice floated up the stairs, "You're going to be late for the first day back!"

Blinking his bleary eyes, he cast a glance towards the clock that very clearly told him that school would begin in about twenty minutes. "Mom! Why didn't you wake me up sooner?"

"I thought you were already awake, maybe," the brunette said as her son rushed by her on the staircase, pulling on his uniform as he went, "Do you want anything to eat?"

"No time!" He shouted back, "Just save it for 'Crezia and everyone when they get up!"

"Oh, you didn't know?" Asked his mother surprised, "Lucrezia's already gone. She left, earlier this morning."

Blinking in surprise, Tsuna whipped around. "What? She's gone?"

"I thought she would've woken you up," Nana said simply, "Oh well. Have a nice day Tsu-kun!"

Tsuna walked the street, somewhat stunned. _She left without saying good-bye...? Why did she do that? _He even missed her, seeing how out of the four people that had been staying with the Sawadas during the summer, she was the closest to sane. A sigh escaped him.

"Why'd I oversleep for the first day of school? I'll still be tardy no matter how much I rush."

"You won't know until you try, right?" Reborn popped up beside him on the wall with a gun in hand.

"Huh? You? Wait a minute-!" A loud bang cut him off mid-sentence, only to restart him with no clothes and fire on his forehead, "REBORN! GET TO SCHOOL ON TIME WITH MY DYING WILL!" Barreling forward, he didn't stop until he reached the schoolyard wearing only his boxers. "Damn that Reborn, "moaned the spiky-haired boy, "I made it in time, but I'm going to be shamed again!"

A voice came from a lump of clothing beside him. "You're definitely the real deal." It said, gripping onto to Tsuna's arm.

"I hooked someone along the way? Are you alright?" Exclaimed the young Vongola boss as the white-haired boy next to him got up.

"You have greater power, stamina and passion than I had heard! A true once-in-a-century prospect!" He placed his hands on the younger boys shoulders, "Join our club, Tsuna Sawada!"

Stuttering, Tsuna managed to get out a question, all thoughts concerned with Lucrezia's departure dissipating from his mind. "Why do you know my name?"

"Because I've heard about you from my younger sister!"

"Y-younger sister?"

From behind them, a girl's voice called out, "Brother!

"What's the matter, Kyoko?" The white-haired boy replied.

"Kyoko..?" Tsuna murmured to himself, "That's an awfully familiar name. Kyoko, Kyoko..."

That was when the girl of his dreams ran up to them, holding a large bag and scolding her brother for dropping it.

"THAT Kyoko?"

"Oh, good morning Tsuna." The orange-haired girl greeted him happily before noticing something, "Why're the two of you together? Brother, you're not causing Tsuna trouble, are you?"

"No, I'm not!" Her brother objected.

_WHAT? They're really brother and sister?_

Kyoko turned to Tsuna with a smile, "You can just ignore my brother's boxing stories, alright?"

"Boxing...?"

"Speaking of which, I haven't introduced myself yet." Kyoko's brother pulled himself up straight, "I am Ryohei Sasagawa, captain of the boxing club! My motto is - 'To The EXTREME'!"

The younger male stared in shock as Ryohei clapped him on the shoulder. "Welcome to the club, Tsuna Sawada!"

"No, brother, you mustn't force Tsuna to join..." Scolded the younger sister.

"I'm not forcing him! Right, Tsuna?"

"Uh-huh," whimpered Tsuna, _What should I do? I can't box at all, but I don't want Kyoko's older brother to hate me..._

Grinning cheerfully at them, Ryohei waved goodbye, "I'll be waiting at the gym after school then!"

"Um, wait, on the second thought-!" Protested Tsuna weakly but it was already too late.

"He can be crude, I know, but he has a gentle side you wouldn't expect," Kyoko said fondly, "But you're terrific Tsuna. I'm glad, too... It's been a long time since I've seen brother look so happy.

_It just became a lot harder to say no!

* * *

_Inside the classroom, Tsuna gazed around, a heavy feeling lying in the pit of his stomach. With Kyoko looking so happy because her brother was happy because _he_ was supposed to join the boxing club, he didn't feel like it was possible to reject. He prepared for another bad day as the teacher entered the classroom, but found himself surprised when he looked up.

"Attention, class," the teacher declared, "Starting today, we have a new student in our homeroom. Lucrezia James is joining us from Saint Mary's Academy For Girls in New York."

Coughing lightly, the duck-haired American girl clarified, "That's New York state, not the city, just to pre-empt any questions."

Tsuna's jaw-dropped. So that's what his mother had meant - that she'd gone to school, not back to the U.S.! But wasn't she only supposed to be have been there for the summer?

As she walked by to her seat, Tsuna caught her eye. "'Crezia!" He whispered, "It's September! Aren't you supposed to be going home?"

"I don't know!" She hissed back in irritation, "Why don't you ask my wretched mother!" Sitting down with a loud thunk, not another word peeped out of her until lunchtime, which found her sitting with the regular three on the roof.

Putting down his carton of milk, Yamamoto glanced up at her innocently. "Weren't you going back to America when the summer was over?"

Glaring at him as she swallowed the remains of a rice ball, Lucrezia pulled out a cellphone and began texting someone. "Yes, I was. But apparently my parents, Lambo's grandfather and my grandfather decided to go behind my back and enroll me here so that they know someone is keeping an eye on the little twerp." With a heavy sigh, she laid on her back, "So, here I am, stuck with you all until I earn my freedom."

"Tch. We're stuck with you, too." Growled Gokudera as he lit up a smoke.

"Maa, you two know that we're not allowed to smoke or have electronics here, right?" Asked Yamamoto as he glanced between them.

"Shut up."

"Don't care." Pausing in her reply to her friend Jasmine, the only girl among them picked up Tsuna's distress. "Hey, Tsuna, what's the problem? You're not, y'know," she waved her hands over her head, "Spazzing out like you usually do."

Silver-haired head snapping up, Gokudera stared at his boss with an absurd amount of worry, "Tenth, I didn't even notice!" Standing up, he struck his scary pose, "Whatever the problem is, I'll deal with it for you!"

A shining ray of hope gleamed in Tsuna's mind. Maybe Gokudera and Yamamoto could help him out of this mess! "Actually there is something..."

"What? I'll destroy anyone who is bothering the boss!"

"You don't need to destroy him!" Shouted out Tsuna, "It's just that, there's this guy, and he's trying to force me into the boxing club, and I don't want to say no because he's Kyoko's brother, so maybe you could-?"

Yamamoto suddenly burst into a wide grin, "You got scouted by Sasagawa, huh? Good to see you're making friends, Tsuna!"

"The boxing club?" Gokudera smirked triumphantly, "Looks like someone's finally recognized your greatness, Tenth!"

"You're so sweet, Tsu-kun!" Cooed Lucrezia, "Throwing yourself headlong into failure and misery to make me feel better! Way to be a man!"

All the short boy could do was stare in shock at the people he considered to be his friends. "IS EVERYONE OUT TO GET ME?"

* * *

Standing outside the boxing ring with Gokudera, Yamamoto and her new best friend Kyoko Sasagawa (whose gullibility might be useful in the future), Lucrezia smiled brightly in sadistic glee as she watched a nervous Tsuna dressed in boxing gear prepare to take on the powerhouse that was Ryohei, Kyoko's older brother and another potentially useful idiot (with sexy muscles - if he wasn't so dumb, she totally would've made him her man-bitch). Over in the corner was the mysterious Coach Pao Pao from Thailand, who looked suspiciously familiar, though she couldn't place where she'd seen him before. There was just something about those curly sideburns that peeked out from under his elephant hat, but oh well. She'd ponder the possibilities another time; more importantly, Tsuna was about to totally get his ass kicked, and who'd want to miss that?

"Here I come, Tsuna Sawada!" Roared out Ryohei, "I won't hold back!" The instant the match bell clanged, his face fist slammed into Tsuna's face. Lucrezia giggled maliciously and held up a small video camera to catch the event - she would totally have to post this on the internet!

Ryohei had been yelling at Tsuna to keep his guard up when a loud bang echoed through the room and knocked Ryohei off his feet, sending him flying to the ground, a small hole in his forehead trickling blood. Only in replaying the video later did Lucrezia realize where the shot had came from and exactly why she recognized the strange Thai coach. But in the meantime, all the half-Italian could do was stare in awe as the elder Sasagawa stood up, a strange, sparking yellow flame burning brightly on his forehead.

"What's the matter Sawada?Can't you get up?" He asked, almost calmly before he returned to normal, "If you can get up, let's continue!"

"What?" Tsuna appeared shocked, "He hasn't changed at all!"

_That's a weird thing to say,_ reflected the American as around her flew whispers of why Ryohei had just fallen. Before anyone could think too hard on it, another loud bang was heard and this time, it was Tsuna who went down. But in an instant he was back up and raring to go in the same manner that he had been when dealing with Bianchi and older Lambo fighting weeks before.

"REBORN! I WILL TURN DOWN THE INVITATION TO JOIN THE CLUB WITH MY DYING WILL!"

"Wicked," whispered Lucrezia admiringly, zooming in on Tsuna's face. _Weird,_ she thought, _His flame and Sasagawa's are totally different. I wonder why...?_

Ryohei just raised an eyebrow, "Oh? Well, I won't ask you why..." He struck a dramatic pose, much like Gokudera had earlier, "Because I believe two men tell everything with their fists." With a sudden flying punch, he attacked, "Join the club, Sawada!"

"NO WAY!" Was the reply as Tsuna easily dodged.

As Ryohei and Tsuna traded blows, dodges and manly taunts, the boxing club members exclaimed in shock and admiration on how Tsuna was able to dodge their captain's EXTREME attack. But Yamamoto and Gokudera appeared to notice more.

"The way Tsuna is dodging those attacks is incredible, but..." Commented Yamamoto, "That's no ordinary fighter's attack..."

"It's a-"

"Space station!" Lucrezia excitedly cut him off.

Gokudera glared at her. "I was going to say 'an assassin's', you idiot!"

"You're the idiots. All my cunning pop culture references are wasted on you people."

"I REFUSE!" Was the final roar as Tsuna's fist landed on Ryohei's face and sent the older boy flying out of the ring and into one of the clubroom's windows.

Whistling lowly, Lucrezia watched as Kyoko rushed to her brother's side in worry and panic as Tsuna's flame died out and left him looking as though Christmas had come early but Santa had gotten hit by an airplane on the way to his house and all that was left of the big man and Rudolph splattered to the ground in front of him.

"I like you all the more, Sawada!" Declared the boxer as he struggled to his knees, "You have platinum boxing instincts! I'm going to recruit you yet!"

"Oh, you look so happy, brother!" Kyoko giggled joyfully.

Coach Pao Pao walked easily over the wires to the post closest to the group. "I like what I saw, Ryohei Sasagawa. Want to join the family?"

Tsuna stared in shock. "H-Hey! Now you're scouting him?"

* * *

_Dear Mama,_

_Yes, NOW I've been to school. Math is still my favourite and I'm slowly learning kanji. Slowly. English class is fun because I can give out bad advice when everyone comes to me for help. I despise Literature, as usual. Send games, tech, and my shiny things. Lambo sends his favourite Nonna love and asks for candy. He is, as usual, irritating me -  
_

"Zia 'Crezia! Guess what I have in my right hand!"

Her eyes flickered briefly to him before returning to the screen. "A grape."

"Guess what I have in my left hand?"

"A piece of candy."

The little boy in cow print stared up at his aunt in total wonder. "How did you know?" He whispered reverently.

"Because you're holding them both out towards me!" Snapped Lucrezia, "Go play in the kitchen with Bianchi or something!"

Sniffling, Lambo threw himself onto the keyboard of her laptop and began banging on the keys and wailing, "But I wanna play with Zia 'Crezia! I WANNA PLAY WITH ZIA 'CREZIA!"

"GET OFF MY COMPUTER YOU LITTLE IDIOT!" Shrieked the older Bovino as they squabbled loudly, attracting Nana's attention.

The brunette poked her head into the traditional room. "Oh, good, you're still here. Could you two do something for me?"

Pushing her nephew off of her computer and checking it for any damage, Lucrezia nodded, "Of course we can. What is it?"

"I need you to pick up a few groceries for dinner. I'd send Bianchi, but she can't really pick out what's ripe and what isn't, and Tsuna went out with Yamamoto and Gokudera, and I need to start cooking quickly..."

Wiping a few folds out of her shirt, the strawberry-blonde reached out a hand. "Sure. You got a list?"

Happily, Nana handed one over. "I wrote it out in hiragana for you."

"Thanks!" Tucking it into her pocket, Lucrezia waved her hand at Lambo, "C'mon, you annoying small child, let's get this over with quickly for Nana."

'Getting it over with quickly' is not something that happens with Lambo. After insisting that they go into every shop along the way, attacking the shopkeepers and possibly knocking everything over, it took the two of them thirty-five minutes of Lucrezia apologizing and possibly paying for damages to reach the grocery store in what should've been only fifteen minutes. Inside the grocery store, the child made a nuisance of himself by jumping into bins, tackling the store attendants and asking other shoppers to buy him candy, resulting in Lucrezia finally just finding some string, purchasing it and tying it around Lambo's ankle to drag him away from doing idiot things.

Walking home with the bag of groceries in one hand and the make-shift leash in another, Lucrezia was not in a happy mood.

"I'm not going to take you anywhere _ever again_!" She hissed, "Do you know how embarrassing it is to have to constantly apologize for you? To pay for damages you've caused? You're disgracing the family name!"

Lambo walked beside her, blubbering, "I-I'm s-s-sorry, Zia," whimpering, he attached himself to her leg, "I won't do it again, I promise!"

"Yeah right!" She snapped, "And I'm deleting the part of my e-mail to Mama about asking for candy!"

"NO, NO, NO!" He wailed back, "Why're you being so mean?"

Trying to fight her temper from boiling over, she glowered at him, "Because you're being an idiot!"

"Well, well, what do have here?" Growled a voice from a dark alley way they were walking by. A teenage wanna-be gangster walked out with a few friends behind him, swinging around a half-empty bottle of beer and obviously trying imitate the look of Western rappers.

"It's a little Yankee girly!" Giggled another one nasally, switching into a sing-songy voice, "Yankee girly, Yankee girly, Yankee girly-!"

The main guy smacked him the face, "This is what happened when you drink half the case of beer! Do you know how hard it was to sneak it out of my parent's house?"

"What," Lucrezia drawled sarcastically, "Too stupid to get a fake I.D.? Dumbass."

"What'd you say?" He shoved his face into hers, "What'd you say, huh?"

"That you're a dumbass and would be way more impressive if you looked like a real Japanese gangster, rather than some weird American rip-off."

His meaty fist grabbed her upper arm tightly as his friends looked at her menacingly, "I can't forgive you for that, Yankee bitch," a knife suddenly gleamed in his hand and he held it up to her face, "Unless, of course, you give me a nice little kiss~!" Puckering his lips, his friends laughed and wolf-whistled, while Lucrezia tried to maintain her unimpressed demeanour, which was quite a bit harder when there was a knife pointed at you. She was regretting her lack of muscles from only lifting computer parts around when a weight landed on her shoulder.

"Stay away from my Zia 'Crezia!" Shrieked out Lambo as he jabbed a finger at the boys, "You stupid meanie-heads!"

The gangsters stared at each other for a moment before bursting out laughing. Lambo's eyes narrowed as he reached up into his hair, "Lambo-san warned you!" He whipped out a grenade and pulled the pin before tossing it at them.

"Hey, is that-?"

BOOM!

The Bovinos and the leader of the gangsters were knocked backwards by the blast. Whipping his head around in the smoke, the boy glowered down at them as he lifted his hand with the knife into the air. "You!" He seethed, "I'll kill you both!"

Cheerfully pulling out a pistol, the cow-print wearer pointed it at the boy, "I don't think so!" The gangster looked shocked before whimpering and dropping the knife, running away as fast as possible.

Lucrezia blinked slowly, trying to process what had just happened. "Umm...wow? Way to go, Lambo...?"

The little boy proudly nodded. "Yup," he nodded, "Because Lambo is going to marry Zia 'Crezia someday, he's got to protect her."

Shaking her head at the boy (how the Hell did he just kick those idiots collective asses?), she gathered up the bag of groceries that had managed to remain intact through the whole thing. "Don't count on it, kid, it's illegal," tugging on the leash, she started walking home, "Anyways, what kind of candy should I get Nonna to send you?"

"MARS BARS!"

Back at the house, after giving Nana the groceries, Lucrezia settled in at her computer again and finished off her letter to her mother. But strangely, the computer was acting very slow, until finally, as she clicked the send button, a different window than usual had popped up:

'Internet Explorer cannot display the webpage. Most likely causes: You are not connected to the internet. The website is encountering problems. There might be a typing error in the address.'

Panicking, she glanced into the corner and there it was. That little icon that said there was no internet connected to her computer.

"DAMN YOU, NAMIMORISKYLARK!"

* * *

_Dear Mama,_

_I do not appreciate your snark and I seriously doubt that yoga would've helped me out in that situation. Maybe ninjitsu, but not yoga. Seriously, what would I do, greet the sun with them or something?_

_Yours,_

_Lucrezia

* * *

_"WHAT THE-?"

And with that scream, another fun event in the life Lucrezia James began.

"Now what's he doing...?" She muttered in irritation as she pulled herself off the floor where she'd been playing on her Gameboy Advance and meandered out into the hallway, pausing at the stairs. "Tsuna? Is something wrong?"

As she was about to go up to check on him, the doorbell rang. Figuring it to be Gokudera after his spidey sense told him that his boss was in trouble, the duck-haired strawberry-blonde pulled open the door.

"If it isn't little Lucrezia~! My, how you've grown up!"

The door was quickly slammed shut, "Bianchi!" Cried out Lucrezia, "There's a creeper at the door! Help!"

The young woman came out of the kitchen, an ominously smoking cake in hand. "Let me handle this," she said smoothly, turning the door handle.

"And Bianchi too! This is my lucky day!"

Both girl's eyes twitched. "Shamal!" Bianchi growled, trying to hit him with the cake.

"Stop it!" The doctor called out playfully as he dodged her.

"Die!" Finally, Bianchi managed to slam to cake into his face, causing a loud crash as he fell down.

"You killed him!" Gasped Lucrezia, "We've ridden the world of him at last!"

The quickly thumping of footsteps alerted them to Tsuna coming towards them. "Who... who's there?"

Smiling brightly, Lucrezia waved him off. "Nobody important! I'll go get a tarp to help hide the body with!"

"Did he fall victim to poison cooking?" Tsuna cried in a panic.

"It's been a long time since I did a hit that benefited society," mused Bianchi.

"Bianchi! Don't go killing people in my house!"

As a pair of hands pulled off a handkerchief that had protected the man's face from the poison cooking, he began to speak. "You were always a tomboy," he said perkily over Tsuna's shocked exclamations that he was alive, "That's how girls should be. I love you even more now!" Leaning over, he placed a kiss on Bianchi's cheek.

Her foot collided with his face. "DIE!"

Wobbling backwards, he almost hit Lucrezia. "And you, little 'Crezia!" He cooed, "You're no great beauty like your mother or sister, but you're still kinda cute! Can I get a kiss from you~?"

"I'm underage and can rig my Blackberry into a taser in less than three minutes!"

"Back off!" Another cake landed in his face.

Over on the side of all the action, where Lucrezia scuttled off to so that she could hide behind Tsuna, Reborn explained the doctor's actions, "I summoned him from Italy for you. Meet Dr. Shamal."

"How did he get here so soon?" Pointed out the American.

"I figured we might need him, so I called him over awhile back." The three watched as he was rejected by Bianchi again, "As you can see, he's a womanizer and an incorrigible kisser."

Worriedly, Tsuna leaned in towards his tutor. "Is he even a real doctor?"

The toddler nodded. "Yup. He's even helped me before too."

"You contracted an incurable disease, too...?"

"A what? What disease?" Lucrezia was feeling very out of the loop.

"It was Shamal who delivered me at birth."

"When were you born?"

Tapping her chin, Lucrezia thought back. "Well, he was around twenty-seven when-"

"Finish that sentence and you won't live to see the next five minutes." Reborn threatened her before calling over Shamal.

"Hey, Tsuna," Lucrezia whispered, "When did you get a disease?"

He whimpered, his eyes turning doe-like, "Apparently I got it because I've been shot with the Dying Will Bullet ten times! And now all of my most embarrassing secrets are going to show up on my body and I only have twenty-five minutes to live!"

"Oh... Can you will me your gaming system?"

"'CREZIA!"

Shamal wandered over to them. "Sorry about that. I tend to have a one-track mind and forget about everything else."

"Nice to meet you..." Smiling happily, Tsuna realized he wouldn't have to die.

"Pardon me," Shamal placed his hands on Tsuna's chest before pulling them back, "Sorry. I don't treat men."

"WHAT?"

The fedora wearing toddler cocked his head. "Oh, that's right."

Lucrezia poked Shamal in the arm. "Do you check only the attic before you buy a house and not the basement? Maybe Tsuna's a flat chick."

"No way am I feeling down there!" Shamal growled. Behind him, Tsuna cried out about how the doctor would let him die just because of his gender, "What do you mean 'just'? It's a huge difference."

"Not really," pointed out the American, "One can only tell the gender of a human skeleton by their pelvic bones."

Although he was about to latch on to Lucrezia's point, Tsuna noticed that Skullitus had infected his arms, "Please, Dr. Shamal! Help me! I don't want to die!"

While they bickered, Lucrezia sidled back over to Bianchi. "Poor boy," the older girl said before beginning to giggle.

"You're enjoying this, aren't you?" Cried out the dying boy.

"Kiss me, Bianchi! Once again ignoring the one he'd been called out to treat, Shamal pranced over to her.

Eyes narrowing, the older girl turned to the younger. "'Crezia, go get me that pizza I was cooking," ordered Bianchi. Saluting, Lucrezia ran into the kitchen and open the oven, only to be stunned by the fumes and ended up siting on the floor dazed for five minutes. It was only when Bianchi came in to see what was taking her so long that she snapped out of it. Mostly because Bianchi had realized what was happening and slapped her.

"Ow!"

With a well practised roll of her eyes, Bianchi shooed the other girl out of the kitchen and back into the hallway, where Tsuna instantly ripped his shirt off, roaring about protecting Kyoko with his Dying Will. That is, until Kyoko pointed out that there was 'paint' all over him. Leaning over, Lucrezia read one out loud:

"'Taunted and called a saiyajin'? That's not embarrassing. Dragonball Z is cool."

Wailing, Tsuna tried to cover himself up. "It is embarrassing! Baring my secrets and going to Dying Will mode!"

"Tsuna, you really are a loser with no guts." Scolded Reborn.

"That's right! I'm just a loser. A loser! I'm going to die a loser! Leave me alone already!"

His wail of wimpery was cut short. "Okay, okay, I'll cure you." Interjected Shamal, "We don't have much time. Put your shirt back on."

As they went upstairs to Tsuna's room, Lucrezia turned to Kyoko. "Want to stay for dinner?" She offered.

Shaking her head, Kyoko just smiled and held out the books. "No, thank you, I ought to go home. Just give these to Tsuna, please."

"No problem." Waving good-bye, Lucrezia shut the door behind the other girl and pulled out her newly modified Blackberry and watched a little electrical charge spark out of it.

In her world, there could only be one doctor. And that was _the_ Doctor.

* * *

_Dear Mama,_

_Shamal will be fine, he wasn't burned that badly. There was no need for you to apologize to him, he deserved it. And I won't stop stealing namimoriskylark's internet, damn it! Though the virus he set up to infect my computer upon taking down the firewall was cleverly conceived and a total bitch to remove, his attempts are futile. Also, I need a new Blackberry. The one I modified kind of... exploded._

_Yours,_

_Lucrezia

* * *

_

"Excuse me? What did you just say?"

The member of the Student Disciplinary Committee who stopped her on her way up to the roof held out his hand. "There is a 'no electronics' policy at Namimori Middle. As such, I am confiscating your cellphone."

"Ahh..." Lucrezia nodded, "But, you see, this isn't an electronic."

"What?"

Holding the cellphone up, she pointed at it cheerfully. "See, it runs on solar power, not electricity."

A pause lingered between the two of them. Though it was irritating that this guy was insisting on stealing her phone in the middle of a call, the fact that he looked like a _proper_ Japanese gangster pleased her enough that she hadn't decided to pull out her technobabble and stun him into submission so she could run away. Instead, she gave him a chance to give up.

"No cellphones of any kind are allowed."

That chance was running out.

"I'm currently talking to my grandmother. Can you wait until I'm finished?"

Though he narrowed his eyes suspiciously at her, he nodded curtly and Lucrezia turned away to continue on her conversation.

Over the phone, a voice snapped at her over the static. "Did you just call me your grandma?" Demanded Jasmine.

"Sorry, dollface, but I'm awaiting my chance to escape," answered Lucrezia, "How's that virus coming along?"

"Good, good, it should be done in a day or two, with school. Then I'll send you it."

A devilish smirk crossed over the half-Italian's face. "Yes. And then he shall pay. I had to delete a third of my movie library, did you know that?"

"You've only repeated it six times."

"You're so sweet for putting up with me!" Movement in the corner of her bespectacled eye caught her attention, "Found my escape. Call you back later."

"Roger roger."

As she hung up, Lucrezia called down the hallway to two boys carrying another. "Yamamoto! Gokudera! What's wrong with Tsuna?" Pushing her phone into her pocket, she bolted before the committee member realized what had happened.

Gokudera glared at her. "Oh, now you care about what's happening to the tenth?"

"Not really. It was just a convenient way to keep my cellphone. But what did happen?"

"A giant chestnut hit him and knocked him unconscious. Now we're taking him to the reception room to rest," answered Yamamoto.

The blonde looked at him skeptically. "...Okay, seriously Yamamoto, how many times did the baseball hit you in the head before you learned to catch?"

"What does that mean?"

"She called you an idiot."

A giant chestnut walked by them. "I think you're all idiots. Now lets keep going."

"...There was seriously a giant chestnut?"

Luckily for Lucrezia, Reborn took off his costume by the time they'd reached their destination, resulting in significantly less confusion. Standing outside the door to the room, Gokudera raised an eyebrow. "Is it here?"

When Reborn confirmed it, the five of them went inside the room to find green leather furniture, a desk and chair and a fantastic view.

"Ooo, a spinny chair!" Grinned Lucrezia as she sat by the desk and spun around, "Whee!"

"Wow, I never knew there was a room like this." Yamamoto smiled happily as he checked it out after putting Tsuna down on the sofa.

Reborn filled them in from his armchair, "The reception room isn't used much," he told them, "The furniture is nice and so is the view."

"Nay," objected Lucrezia, spinning around again, "They are _fabulous_!"

"It's also in a convenient location."

Apparently Yamamoto was the quickest on the uptake. "What about it?"

Decisively, Reborn declared, "This is going to be the family's secret headquarters."

Lucrezia's hand shot into the air. "I'm technically part of the Bovino family; can I still hang out here?"

"If you promise to do computer work for us."

"Yaaay!" Another celebratory spin.

"Wow, sounds like fun!" Cheered Yamamoto, "A secret hideout!"

Snarling, Gokudera approached him, "Are you a kid or something?" Turning away, he rubbed an imaginary beard, "It sounds good though. There definitely needs to be a headquarters for the family."

"It's decided." Reborn was cut off by the doors being thrown open and more Disciplinary Committee members entering the room, including the one who had tried to take away Lucrezia's cellphone. _Damn_.

"You there," he demanded, "What are you doing here? Who told you to come here?"

The current occupants of the room narrowed their eyes at them. "Huh. What do you want?" Growled Gokudera.

"Don't act cocky," one of the members said as they moved forward, "This room was given to us, the Disciplinary Committee."

Their apparent leader and stealer of cellphones stepped forward and glared at the sofa where Tsuna lay. "Who the Hell is he?" He demanded as he kicked it.

"Bastard," drawled Gokudera and he walked menacingly towards the group, "I don't care that you're some Disciplinary Committee. You're going to bite the dust." As the leader-guy exclaimed in surprise, the silver-headed boy continued on, "You're an eyesore. Get the Hell out."

The leader swore and tried to grab him, but Gokudera deflected him easily and backed up. As another one approached and tried to attack, which Gokudera easily blocked and turned back on him, knocking him back.

"Well, well. It can't be helped." Sighed Yamamoto.

"Actually, it can, but go ahead," chirped Lucrezia, plopping her legs up on the desk, "Defend our territory and my cellphone, brave Sir Yamamoto."

"...What?"

"Just go and kick ass, ya little bitch."

A committee member went at him with something he'd pulled out from a closet. "Mops are for cleaning," scolded the baseball player as he caught it and punched the other guy. Meanwhile, Reborn casually made coffee from a mysteriously appearing coffee maker and Lucrezia happily pulled her camcorder out again to record the whole thing.

Glancing away from the maker, Reborn asked over his shoulder, "Are you done?

"Yeah," they smiled from where stood in front of a pile of unconscious Elvis look-a-likes.

"That's my boys," congratulated the technophile as she put away her camcorder back into a messenger bag.

Holding up a coffee cup, Reborn grinned. "I've made some coffee."

"Oh, sank yew." Yamamoto said, making Lucrezia cringe at his Engrish.

As Yamamoto passed a cup to Gokudera, the other boy scowled. "You were totally unnecessary. I could've handled it by myself."

"Oh really? You looked like you were in trouble."

"What the Hell..." Hissed Gokudera.

"Oy, man-bitches! No squabbling in the ranks!"

As Gokudera and Lucrezia both accepted some coffee, a voice from the doorway interrupted their sweet caffeinated victory.

"These watchdogs are useless."

Another boy stood there, his armband matching the ones of those on the ground. "Who are you?" He demanded.

"He's Kyoya Hibari..."

"Hey, it's that scrawny little brat from a couple o' months ago!" Lucrezia cheered, "I thought those arm thingys looked familiar! Hey shorty! My man-bitches took down your man-bitches! What now, punk?" Sipping at her coffee and spinning in the spinny chair, her brain now rushing at a thousand miles an hour due to the caffeine (she had neglected to mention that she was only ever allowed decaf), she picked up on something, "Hibari, that's kind of familiar..."

Boredly, Gokudera rolled his eyes and started walking forwards again. "What? Is he one of these guys?"

"I just said that! Wheee~!"

"Gokudera, wait!" Yamamoto objected.

"Just now," the not-listening Italian declared, "This place has become the headquarters for the Vongola family."

Unimpressed, Hibari's face didn't change. "Family? What kind of crowding is that?"

"Crowding? Whatever, just get out-" The coffee cup in his hand was sliced off it's handle, causing Gokudera to jump back and Lucrezia to halt her spinning in shock, "What the Hell is this guy?"

A delighted look overcame Lucrezia's face. "Is that a shiny in his hand? Fetch it for me, man-bitch G!"

"I'm not your man-bitch!"

"I hate weak herbivores that crowd around," as Hibari spoke, Gokudera lit the fuses on his bombs, "If you come into my sight, I'll bite you to death."

"He said it!" Giggled Lucrezia hyperactively as she waved her arms around, "He said it again! That's awesome!"

His cold eyes landed on her, "You," he glared, "Although you have at least worn the proper uniform, electronics are not permitted in Namimori Middle."

"A cellphone isn't allowed, but my piercings are? At my old school, I had to fight tooth and nail to keep 'em! Scrawny brat Hibari is weeeeird~! Ga ha ha!" Irritatedly, Gokudera couldn't help but notice that under the influence of caffeine, Lucrezia's personality seemed to deteriorate to the same as her idiot nephew's.

As Hibari leaped forward to attack her, Gokudera intercepted him, getting knocked back easily and having his bombs fall out of his hands, fuses still lit, though Reborn easily put them out with Leon.

"One."

"You...!" Yamamoto growled, and Hibari struck out at him next. But apparently sports teams trained people better than the Mafia world did and Yamamoto managed to dodge most of the attacks.

Hibari picked up on a weakness, though. "You move well, but you're protecting your right arm. Are you injured?" As Yamamoto faltered, the boy smirked triumphantly, "Correct." With a kick, he sent Yamamoto flying into the sofa where Tsuna was laying, causing the boy to stir.

"Two. Is it over now?"

In her chair, Lucrezia had perked up even more. "That was so cool!" She squealed, "That was awesome! You're so strong!" Spinning around again, she jumped to her feet, "You should totally be my boyfriend!"

"..." The boy stared at her incredulously, "What?"

"I mean, c'mon! You're the brawn, I'm the brains, we totally fit! And Hibari means skylark, yeah? You have the same name as the guy I steal internet from! It's practically fate!"

A sudden look of sheer pissed off-ness crossed his face. "So you're the one stealing my internet."

"Enh?" She blinked in confusion, "You're namimoriskylark?" A look of anger that matched his appeared, "You son of a bitch! I lost all of my Tom Baker era Doctor Who episodes because of your virus! He was the best Doctor of them all!" She lunged at him, "Die!"

All he did was side-step her, causing her to slip and smack her head into the wall.

"Owwww... that wasn't nice! Now my happy's all gone..." Snorting at the blonde, Hibari walked away.

Tiredly, Tsuna's head peeked over the back of the couch. "Enh... eh? Yamamoto! Gokudera, too? And Lucrezia? What happened?"

"So there was another one." Said Hibari simply.

"Eh?" Tsuna looked at him surprised, "The Disciplinary Committee leader, Hibari?"

"We've already established that." Groaned Lucrezia.

Glaring at her, Hibari walked back over and kicked her in her stomach, "You can still talk?"

"OW! I could have a baby in there, you son of a bitch!"

Leaping over the back of the couch, Tsuna ran over to her. "Are you okay, Lucrezia?"

"HE KICKED ME IN THE STOMACH, I'M NOT FUCKING OKAY!"

Looking around, he saw the other two on the floor again. "Yamamoto! Gokudera!"

"They won't wake up," Hibari said, "I made sure of that."

"What?"

"Now, then..." The prefect walked towards the unconscious boys, making Tsuna scramble out of the way back to where Lucrezia was sitting. Grabbing them by the collars, Hibari dragged them to the window and prepared to throw them out.

Both Tsuna and Lucrezia shot up. "W-what are you doing?" Asked Tsuna nervously.

"I'm cleaning up. They're in the way."

"Ha ha!" Burst out Lucrezia before Tsuna whipped around to stare at her, "Oh, sorry. I shouldn't be laughing, huh?

"Wait a second!" Tsuna demanded, standing up, looking around the room, "You can't do that! D-do something, Reborn... Reborn?"

Rolling her eyes, Lucrezia rested against the wall. "Yeesh. Stand up for our man-bitches by yourself, Tsuna."

"You could help!"

"Like our man-bitches, I am injured."

"Stop calling them man-bitches! They're our friends!"

"Ha ha, you said man-bitches."

Ignoring her and screwing up his courage, Tsuna shouted out, "Stop it!"

The prefect turned around boredly. "If you can, do it."

In the armchair, Reborn popped out from under the cushion. _How did he manage that?_ Wondered Lucrezia as she scrambled over to her bag and whipped her camcorder back out.

"Do it with your Dying Will!"

Turning around, Tsuna was hit right in the forehead with the bullet. Lucrezia grinned wickedly as she hid behind the desk. _Jasmine's not going to believe this shit! It's like I'm in an anime! Japan is awesome!_

"REBORN! DEFEAT HIBARI WITH MY DYING WILL!" Leaping into the air, Leon the lizard transformed into something for Tsuna to use as a weapon.

_Is that a -? It couldn't be -! No way -_!

"Idiot!" Whap!

_A slipper! It's a bloody slipper! Yeeesss!_

Unfortunately, the unforeseen consequences of that was Hibari dropping Yamamoto and Gokudera. Oops.

"I'll stop it!" Yelled Tsuna as he lunged out the window and caught them.

A strange grin appeared on Hibari's face as he pulled out his tonfa. "Is it alright... if I kill you?" Glancing to his left, though, he noticed someone else.

"Uh oh," Lucrezia pulled back instantly as the man his foot swung at her, "Hey, stop it! And to think, we could've been in love!"

A coffee bean flew threw air in front of him as he lunged towards her. "That's enough." Said Reborn from the windowsill. The American took advantage of the prefect's distraction, grabbing her bag and heading towards the door.

"I don't know who you are, but I'm annoyed right now," growled Hibari, "Could you lie down and wait?" He went after the toddler.

Uninterestedly, Reborn held up a strange weapon that Lucrezia only recognized from movies, catching Hibari by surprise.

"Wow, you're great." Apparently the prefect was impressed.

"You really are strong."

A strange bloodlust entered Hibari's eyes. "I want to fight you."

Smiling Reborn held up a bomb. "Save it for later."

Hibari blinked, shocked. "Eh?"

"Hey Reborn, what about me?" Shrieked Lucrezia as she dove for the door when it blew up.

Screw this. She was going home.

* * *

_Dear Jasmine,_

_MWA HA HA HA!_

_Yours,_

_Lucrezia

* * *

_

Eyes twitching rapidly, Hibari glared, no, stared with total rage and bloodlust at his computer screen.

On it, a little duck with multiple piercings danced around on the screen with a flashing message underneath it:

WHO'S YO DADDY, BITCH?

* * *

Not far away, a half-Italian cackled maliciously as rewound her camcorder every ten seconds.

"Ha ha, pwn'ed by a slipper."

And all was well in the Sawada home.

* * *

_Arrogance and incompetance are Lucrezia and Lambo's main traits._

_Hope you enjoyed!  
_


	4. Money, Thievery and Fail

_Ah, those reviews make me feel so loved~! Enjoy!_

_I don't own KHR.

* * *

_

**Chapter Four: Money, Thievery and Fail**_  
_

_

* * *

__Dear Mama,_

_I have long since acknowledged that I am a whiny brat, that doesn't mean you have to put it in capital letters. No, I will never grow up, I'm going to live in your basement FOREVER. And, no, I haven't found anything good in Japan that makes me want to stay here instead of going home. Not the cheap merchandise, not the head prefect who's a total jerk but still really hot, not having more than one friend, not the fact that I can get straight As easily here (wait, I already did that) and not the nicer atmosphere in a normal school rather than some snobby private school where everyone hates each other while acting like best friends._

_Wait... I see what you did there. B( Yeah, you deserve the grumpy face._

_Yours,_

_Lucrezia_

_

* * *

_

"I'm afraid, Lucrezia, that we have to do this," Nana shook her head sorrowfully, "You're just getting out of control."

"But Nana," the American girl whined, "I'm not that bad! Please, this is an over-reaction! I can change, I promise!"

The brunette sighed. "I wish we could do this differently, but with Lambo and Reborn growing up here, I have to draw the line." A jar was gingerly place upon the table.

"This is the swear jar. Minor swears are a hundred yen, mediums are three hundred and the f-word is five hundred."

The sulking head of the half-Italian hit the table. "But I swear in English!"

"Your tone of voice gives it away."

Rustling through her pockets, Lucrezia pulled out all her change. "Fine. Let's see, nine hundred and fifty seven, I could either get nine minors, or three mediums, or two mediums and three minors or spring for the f-word, a medium and a minor..."

Pulling on his blazer as he walked into the kitchen, Tsuna stopped to take in the situation of his mother holding a jar over her head as Lucrezia held up her change and tried to insert five hundred yen into the lid's slit.

Breakfast would apparently be toast and a brisk run out the door.

"Oi, Tsuna! Wait up!" Panting, Lucrezia ran up beside him, "Did you know your mom has instituted a swear jar? My freedom of speech is being compromised!"

"It needs to be."

"Meeeean~!"

On the way to school, Tsuna filled her in on the school event that was to be occurring within the week. "The sports festival is really important," he explained, "All the Class A students are grouped together, and Class B and Class C ones, too, and it's basically a bloodbath."

"So," she rehashed, "It's a sports event where we have to do physical things?"

Sweatdropping, he agreed.

"That sucks. Maybe if I'm really lucky I'll get cramps and won't have to do anything."

With a sigh to himself, Tsuna dragged her on to school.

* * *

"EXTREME VICTORY!"

Boredly slumping with her head in her hand, Lucrezia watched Ryohei ham it up before all of the Class A students. Instead of bothering to listen to him roar on about how they would triumph over all others, she pulled out her Gameboy and began to play her Zelda game as beside her Kyoko worried over her brother and Hana (her other new best friend who shared her cynicism) rolled her eyes at the 'idiot actions of the senior monkey'. Between the three of them, there was no interest in the current topic, the bodaoshi.

And, apparently, Ryohei didn't want to be the captain for it anymore. "But not to worry... I have the perfect candidate for captain all picked out."

Cue the shocked whispers at the idea that there was a better fighter than the captain of the boxing team.

"Yes! Tsuna Sawada of Class 1-A!"

And cue a chorus of "What?" and malicious laughter from an American with too many piercings along with an amused snort from her new partner in sarcastic crime, while a few people away, Gokudera and Yamamoto cheered their upperclassman's recognition of their boss.

Up front, Ryohei declared that all those in favour should put up their hand.

Silence.

"I SAID RAISE YOUR HANDS!"

There was a loud thump as Gokudera put his foot down on the table and glared around at everyone. "Anybody here wanna be against it?" Half the hands in the room went up out of fear, and another quarter from his fangirls.

As Ryohei announced that the motion had passed, Kyoko frowned at her brother. "How could he do that? Tsuna could actually get hurt!"

"Tch," scoffed Hana, "Whatever. We girls only have to participate in the easy stuff."

As she jammed on the buttons of her Gameboy, Lucrezia scrunched her nose. "Bleh. Sports. Let him suffer."

"You two!" The younger Sasagawa was still pouting at her friends when the meeting was adjourned, especially when they started bouncing ideas about what could happen to Tsuna in the brawl, with somewhat gleeful details.

Later on, when school was let out, Tsuna wound up hearing all about the injuries that Hana and Lucrezia informed that he could receive. Regrettably, he ran off in the middle of her describing the possible shattering of his ribs, leaving her to walk home alone while he went to find the Sasagawa's house to turn down the captainship. Sighing, the American turned on her mp3 player and began to walk home on her own.

That is, until she saw a certain figure in the distance with a black coat draped over his shoulders.

In an instant, Lucrezia had dived back behind the corner she had just turned to peek around it and watch as Hibari made his way home. Once he turned to the right, she was after him again, new schemes filling her mind as to what she could do with the knowledge of where he lived. How much easier would it be to keep him from kicking her off his wireless if she could just break into his house and put herself back on it from there? She could even send him irritating things through the mail! And best of all, if he tried confiscate her stuff, she could hold his man-panties hostage until he gave them back! Brilliant!

Wham! "Ow..." She muttered, rubbing her nose after walking into something.

"Why are you following me, herbivore?"

Oh. Shit. (Cha-ching! A hundred yen into the jar.) She had to walk into _Hibari_, of all people. "You're insane," Was her blunt reply, "I'm walking home."

"This is a dead-end." Oops.

"I guess I walked the wrong way, then." Backing up and glancing away, she noticed a large old gate that blocked off view of the house behind it. Quickly scrambling up it, she peeked over the top, taking in the large traditionally styled home with interest, "Ooo, that's so cool! What an old place! There's gotta be, like, a zillion ghosts in there or something!"

Had she been facing him, she would've caught his twitch and silent preparing of his tonfa. "Get off my gate, herbivore."

"Your gate?" Happily, the half-Italian bounced off of it, "Are you a spoiled rich boy, scrawny brat Hibari-? AIEE~!" She shrieked as his tonfa collided with her forehead, knocking her off of the gate, "That hurt, you stupid bas- jerk!"

The prefect cocked an eyebrow. "'Bas-jerk'?"

"I know, I know, stupid, but the three hundred I just saved is going to buy me a cold drink to put on new bruise, prick!" Turning around, she began walking back home, "But remember! Now I know where you live! Your man-panties will never be safe! Ga ha ha ha~!" A flying tonfa struck her in the back of the head and she crumpled to the ground.

Bored, Hibari picked up his tonfa and walked through his gate, pulling out his cellphone and calling one of his minions to drag the body away from the property - the police hadn't bothered him yet, but a possibly dead body might do it.

* * *

Lucrezia arrived home two hours later with a huge headache and no idea as to how she wound up on a bridge blocks away from Hibari's house, where she had luckily been found by the boys, who had been preparing for the bodaoshi by forcing Tsuna to climb up a pole and try not to die as Ryohei and Gokudera broke out into a fight below him. While normally the duck-haired girl would've found this incredibly amusing and great fodder for mockery, earlier events put her into an even bitterer mood than usual, to the point that when she and Tsuna got home later, all she did was eat some dinner and head off to bed. Or that had been the plan.

"Play with me, Zia 'Crezia!"

Headache increased by seven-point-nine-eight-four-nine. "No. Go away, Lambo, I'm not feeling well."

The child began to scowl. "But I wanna play!"

"Lambo, do you remember when you were three and you threw my CD player into the dishwasher?"

"No."

"There's a reason for that. Now get lost or you won't remember this conversation." With that, she slid the door to the Sawada's traditional room shut, pulled out her futon and went to sleep. Or, at least tried to.

To her great irritation, her cellphone announced that she had a text.

**What the Hell? Mama 'Crezia hasn't been on Warcraft III for ages! Get yo' ass back on here, woman!**

"Nyaaaargh!" Reaching over, she sent back a reply filled with grumpyness, sarcasm and many bad words.

**You wound me. Farewell. (BTW, our math class's grade average has fallen significantly because of your departure. Mr. Jackson is practically crying and wants you to come home. G'night!)**

Rolling her eyes, Lucrezia put the phone back down and once again tried to sleep.

And it rang. _Again_. "What?" She snapped into it.

There was a huff on the other end. "That is no way to speak to your mother!"

"It is after a good day turned horribly bad. What do you want?"

"I can't just call to say hello to my sweet young daughter?"

"...Good-bye, Mama."

On the other side she could hear Jeff telling her mother to get to the point. "Fine. We're not sending you a new Blackberry."

Lucrezia shot up despite the screaming pain in her head. "What? Why not?"

"Well, it might have something to do with the fact that you turned the last one into a weapon to use against a family friend!"

"He's not a family friend! He's Zia Lulu's ex-boyfriend! And she tried to stab him, how come I'm getting in trouble?"

"Still, have some more consideration. Maybe you'll get a new one for Christmas."

Flabbergasted, Lucrezia pleaded into the phone. "Mama, please, _please_, I need it. Without it, my collection is incomplete. I will die ashamed!"

"Well, write a proper will before you do. Bye! Tell Lambo that Nonna and Grandad love him!"

Poor Tsuna decided that he needed a better sense of timing when he opened the door to ask what was wrong and was hit in the face with a pillow, blanket and cellphone. Slamming the door behind him, he bolted up the stairs, hoping that the next day never came.

* * *

The light from the door of the traditional room peeled open the eye of the young girl sleeping there. Lying there, Lucrezia thought back on the night before. Okay, maybe she'd acted a little childish last night, and maybe she was just trying to understate things now so as not to feel that weird, irritating feeling some people call 'shame', but today was a new day! Maybe she could even apologize to whoever was hit by the blankets and her cellphone. At least she knew it wasn't Bianchi, judging by the fact that she was still alive. Groaning tiredly, she rolled off her futon onto the when her phone buzzed from the floor near the door. After crawling over to it, she clicked it open and read a short text message before breaking into a huge grin and letting out a shriek of triumph.

Pounding down the stairs, Tsuna was about to announce to his mother that he was too sick to go and partake in the sports festival when he was greeted by a beaming Lucrezia in the kitchen's doorway.

"Goood morning, Tsu-kun~!" She trilled, "Come on, come in!" She ushered him into the kitchen where Nana, Bianchi, and even Haru were cooking up snacks.

"What're you all doing here?" He cried out in shock before glancing back at Lucrezia, "And why're you so happy?"

Sniffling with her eyes aglow, the American spun on her heel, "Because I have the bestest friend EVER who was nice enough to offer to send me one of her spare Blackberries!" Prancing out the door, she left behind a stupefied boy with spiky hair in the presence of an assassin, a stalker and his mother.

And the day had only begun.

* * *

So, tying her leg together with Kyoko's in order to run the three-legged race was a bad idea. In fact it was beyond a bad idea. It was the worst idea, Lucrezia reflected, since cancelling Firefly and invading Russia by land. Both of them managed to trip within ten steps and skin their knees, before getting up again and managing about five steps before falling into each other. It took three minutes for them to manage to cross the finish line and receive the flag for last place. And if that hadn't been bad enough, they made her run one of the dashes, too, adding to her scrapes when she fell face first onto the track. Luckily, she managed to escape and hide-out on the sidelines.

"Go Tsuna!" Shouted Lucrezia with the rest of the Sawada household and Haru. While Tsuna participated in the pogo-stick race, Yamamoto won them one of the dashes and Gokudera smoked from the area where he was watching Tsuna. Somewhere out there was Ryohei, but she couldn't tell where he was past the occasional shouts of 'EXTREME!'.

"Oh, 'Crezia?" Nana asked sweetly, "Could you help us set up the food? I think it's almost lunchtime..."

With a quick nod, Lucrezia contentedly began setting out the bentos that had bring brought along, occasionally having to smack Lambo when he got in the way. It was fine until Ryohei showed up.

"James!" The white haired boy shouted loudly, "Why aren't you participating?"

Blinking in surprise, she turned to him. "Umm, because, uh, I have - HEY! Put me down!" She yelled as he picked her up and dragged her over to where Gokudera was praising Tsuna for saving his strength for the bodaoshi.

"You idiot!" He roared, unceremoniously dropping the American to the ground, "Put your all into it, Sawada! Team A's victory is on the line!"

The Italian puffed up like an angry cat. "You again? Get lost, turf top!"

Lucrezia stared at him incredulously. "That's one of the least creative names I've ever heard, and I went to an all girls school in the third grade where I was dubbed 'Monkey'."

"...Monkey?" Gokudera smirked at her.

"I had stupid monkey ears, okay? Shut up! They got better!"

"Don't pick on girls, squid head!"

"Hey! I'm snarky enough to defend myself!"

Tsuna began waving his hands at them in a panic. "Guys! Don't fight, not now! HEY!" Ryohei and Gokudera's fists slammed into each others faces over Lucrezia's head while she ducked, giggling at the boy's attempts at macho 'that didn't hurt' comments.

"Ho ho ho..." An ominous laughter boomed overhead. A large guy who didn't look very much like a junior high student loomed above them, "Fighting amongst yourselves? In bodaoshi, teamwork makes the difference. Guess we have nothing to fear from Team A in that regard."

Cackling evilly, Lucrezia ran off as Gokudera and Ryohei attacked the guy, getting out of the sports area and back to where lunch was being put out on a picnic blanket. Happily picking up a riceball, she chomped on it as it was announced that someone had beaten up the captains of the other two teams under orders from Tsuna. Though Bianchi and Haru nodded their approval and Lambo completely ignored it, Nana looked rather worried at Tsuna's brutality, though those feelings quickly dissipated when he returned to them to eat and looked just as shocked as they felt.

Haru stood in front of their lunch area in guard mode, demanding that everyone leave them alone. Regrettably, it was the skeezy boys who had decided to hang out and glare at Tsuna, probably because of the fact that there were two hot young woman eating with him. As they made catcalls and rather inappropriate comments, Bianchi stood up from her spot next to Lucrezia with a box of chocolates in hand. _My God! _Exclaimed Lucrezia in her mind, _Just think of all the Forrest Gump references I could make right now! _

"Stand back, Haru." Instructed Bianchi as she stepped forward, "Would you boys like some chocolates?"

Popping the pieces into their mouths, all of the boys smiled happily.

"Hey, these are good!"

Another boy agreed, "Yeah, nothing like the chocolate you find at..." He trailed off as him and the others fell to the ground foaming at the mouth.

Tsuna spat his riceball out in shock. "You gave 'em poisoned candy?"

The older teen rolled her eyes. "They're just knocked out.

"Team A's captain has now resorted to poison!" A strange little old man announced into a megaphone.

While more people glared at them and Haru began telling Bianchi about how much she admired Tsuna's ruthlessness, Lucrezia grinned happily at the pictures she had managed to catch on her camera. "And to think, we just used bribery and blackmail at home! This is way better!"

"No it isn't!" Wailed Tsuna, "Why did you all have to come here?"

The PA system around the schoolyard switched on. "Thank you for your patience. We have reached a decision regarding the incidents."

All the students looked up expectantly, with Tsuna quietly praying for mercy. Getting up and looking about, the American found Hana and Kyoko staring at the speakers nearby, the former in slight annoyance and the latter with worry. Lucrezia walked over to stand with them.

"After discussions with each of the representatives, we have decided that this year's bodaoshi will be a contest between team A versus teams B and C combined!"

While team A cried out in indignation, teams B and C rejoiced and plotted A's downfall.

As Tsuna wailed out of fear for his life, Ryohei walked up to the crowd awaiting him.

"Are they serious, Sasagawa?"

"What went on at that meeting? You were overruled, weren't you?"

The spiky-haired brunet pushed his way to the front. "That's not fair!"

"No..." Answered the boxer, "I proposed it and pushed it through!"

As the entire team A gasped in shock, Kyoko's eyes flashed with anger. "Doesn't my brother ever think of anyone else?" She ranted, "So many people are going to be hurt because of this! I can't believe this!"

The half-Italian pulled a face of melodramatic shock. "Is that... _anger_ I detect? Could it be? Who are you, and what have you done to my friend?"

Snorting, Hana smirked at Lucrezia. "Kyoko always gets upset when there's a chance of Sawada getting hurt." Glancing at the huffy girl, she continued on, "Remember when Mochida challenged him to a kendo match and you nearly attacked him?"

"What?" Squeaked Lucrezia, "When was this? What happened? Tell!"

The orange-haired girl stared at them in shock. "That wasn't because of Tsuna! It was because of how Mochida said I was a prize! I'm not some doll to be fought over!"

Before Lucrezia could try to demand more information, there was an uneasy stir in teams B and C. The girls glanced over to find the new captain perched on top of the pole.

"Is that Hibari?" Gasped Kyoko, "Oh no!"

Cocking an eyebrow, Hana murmured, "This will be interesting."

Lucrezia narrowed her eyes. "Damn him looking so hot up there! OY, YOU! GIVE ME MY INTERENTS!"

And the bodaoshi began.

* * *

On the way home, Tsuna was heavily berated by Bianchi, Lucrezia and Reborn.

The blonde glared at him. "You have totally disgraced our class. Was it so hard to keep your balance? Really?"

"How can you possibly become a good Mafia boss if you can't even defeat a bunch of teenage boys?" Asked Bianchi harshly.

The toddler tutor just tipped his hat over his eyes. "You've disgraced me, Tsunayoshi. We'll be doing extra training to make up for it tomorrow."

"Ga ha ha! Even Lambo-san could do better!"

"What is wrong with you people?"

Nana tapped her finger against her chin. "But I'm very proud of Tsu-kun. To think that he still made captain! I'll be cooking a special meal tonight to celebrate!"

All hard feelings against the boy dissipated.

* * *

_Dear Mama,_

_Fine, I have some fun. But I still miss Scarborough a lot. It's so cramped at Nana's house! But she's an excellent cook, so that totally makes up for it. Maybe you should ask her for some tips...? And I don't appreciate you laughing at me over the phone when I told you about how I did in the races. Yes, I suck at athletics, but I can also get a virus into your computer from the other side of the world. Tell Jeff that he left his file on top of printer Gamma-Phi._

_Yours,_

_Lucrezia

* * *

_

A loud BANG and subsequent scream woke Lucrezia from her sleep. Bianchi appeared to have already gotten up and left their room, so there was only her and Lambo sleeping in there. Pulling herself out of bed, she meandered upstairs to find out why Tsuna was making all that noise at this time of the morning. Couldn't he have some respect for those who were trying to sleep after spending the night gaming?

However, she was willing to forgive him a little when she opened the door and found him lying on the ground with a dead guy on his bed.

"Wow, Tsuna," she commented dryly, taking in the disaster of his room, "Couldn't you find an easier way to tell your boyfriend you were breaking up with him than killing him?"

The boy in his pajamas stared at her in utter shock while Reborn walked over to them. "So, you finally did it, Tsuna." The toddler announced, "Your instinct for self-preservation awakened your talent for killing."

"Huh?" Tsuma sprung up, "What the heck are you two talking about?"

"See for yourself. The burglar was shot with a gun..."

"That may or may not be in your hand..." Hinted the duck-haired girl.

Blinking in confusion, the Vongola boss glanced down at an object in his hand. "Gun...?"

Smiling cheerfully, Reborn informed him, "You shot him with that, Tsuna."

"ME?"

"Don't you remember?" Asked his hitman tutor, "In your sleep, you stole my gun and shot him. Point blank."

"No! No way!"

Reborn looked proud. "You've finally become like one of the Mafia."

"I'm beginning to think better of you." Added in Bianchi out of nowhere.

"One of us! One of us!" Lucrezia chanted gleefully.

"Even you two?"

The older girl casually slid out the door. "I'll cook festive red rice to celebrate your first kill."

"Wait up! I'll help badly!" Following her out of the room, Lucrezia passed a cheerful Haru who was dressed in a boat.

"Good morning, Bianchi! Good morning, 'Crezia!" Sang out Haru as she continued up the stairs.

Blinking behind her vintage thick-rimmed glasses, Lucrezia stared at the girl in some confusion. "Umm... hi?" As she wandered into the kitchen, she had to ask Bianchi a question, "How come after four months of living here I'm still not used to all of this weird stuff happening?"

The pink-haired woman smiled at her. "It sinks in after about seventeen years being directly involved in the Mafia and six months of living here."

"Oh." Just as she was going to reply, Gokudera and Yamamoto walked into the house and headed up the stairs.

Poking her head around the door frame, Nana smiled at her boarders. "Would one of you mind heading upstairs to see what's happening? I'm going out to see a movie with a friend and Lambo's coming with me."

Knowing that Bianchi would prefer to just be left in kitchen, Lucrezia agreed to do it and trudged up the stairs again, after grabbing her laptop to see if they needed to Google any places for them to hide the body.

Inside Tsuna's room, she heard Yamamoto trying to calm Tsuna and Haru's panicked whimpers. "We don't know if Tsuna really did it, do we?"

"That's right," agreed Gokudera as she came through the door, "For one thing, is this guy really dead?"

"B-but... the blood..." Stuttered the Sawada.

"What're you going to do, stick him with a cigarette?" Asked Lucrezia with raised eyebrows as she set down her laptop on Tsuna's .

Glaring at her, Gokudera pulled one out and lit it. "Yeah, I am. Can't let the Tenth go to jail." He held the cancer stick over the dead man's face, "Hey! Let's see how dead you really are..."

"What the heck are you doing?" Tsuna squeaked out, but was interrupted by the man twitching.

Everyone in the room twitched in shock.

"He moved!" Shouted Tsuna as Haru flailed about while trying to find her phone to call an ambulance.

Reborn jumped in again. "That won't be necessary. I've called a doctor."

While the female half-Italian groaned and smacked her head on the wall, Tsuna stuttered out his shock.

"Oh yes. Dr. Shamal." The toddler pulled the man in. Shamal was holdng a bottle of some kind of alcohol and clearly drunk beyond reason.

Gokudera growled through his teeth, catching Yamamoto's attention. "Know him?" The baseball player asked.

"Yeah. He was a doctor on our estate. Whenever I saw him, he was a different woman. Whenever ever I asked who she was, he'd say she was his little sister." A dark cloud appeared to loom over his head, "At last count, he had sixty-two sisters."

While Yamamoto laughed, Lucrezia realized that she and Bianchi were not alone in their dislike of the perverted doctor. "I know, right? He dated my aunt! And when I was little, he would give me lollipops and tell me to 'grow up to be nice and pretty'." She shuddered at the memory.

"Shame they didn't work..." Shamal slurred before grinning lazily at Gokudera, "Well, if it isn't little Hayato..."

"Don't talk to me, you womanizer! Drunken lech!"

While Shamal pouted, Tsuna got even more tense. "Hurry up! You've got a patient!"

"Oh, yeah, yeah, someone's dying, right?" He leaned over to Haru and put his hands on her chest, "Hmm, let's see..."

Haru's fist slammed into his face she shrieked, yelling at him about how he would dare to that her. Gokudera and Lucrezia exchanged quick smirks before remembering that they didn't like each other and glaring.

"She's fine!" Announced Shamal as he sat up near the wall, "A spitfire! A really cute spitfire!"

"Would you get serious?" Demanded Tsuna, jabbing his finger at the not-so dead man, "This is your patient!"

Rubbing the back of his head, Shamal sighed. "Look, I keep telling you, I don't treat guys."

"Oh yeah, that's right." Reborn seemed to recall as Tsuna yelled at him.

The half-Italians on the side glowered at the man, ignoring Takeshi's cheerfulness next to them. "Still a womanizing scumbag." Growled the silver-haired one.

The strawberry-blonde agreed. "I can't believe he's disregarding Hippocratic Oath like that."

"Anyway," the doctor brushed by their irritated comments, "Is he really alive? If his pupils are dilated, he's not breathing and his heart's not beating, he's dead."

Leaning over, Haru checked the first part. "His pupils are dilated."

"He's not breathing," announced Yamamoto as he held a handkerchief over the man on the bed's mouth.

"His heart..." Gokudera listened to the man's chest, "...Isn't beating."

"Oh joy," Lucrezia drawled, "We have a dead person. Called it."

Shrugging, the perverted doctor headed out the door. "He might've passed on while I was messing around, so he's not my problem. See ya."

Tsuna clutched his head in a panic. "Aagh! It's hopeless, hopeless! I've killed a man! I've really killed him! I'm doomed!"

"I need breakfast..." Mused the American as she ignored the screams.

"For times like this," Reborn interrupted Tsuna's wails, "I call in a certain someone."

The sound of a motorcycle roaring the street stopped in front of their house. A few thumps later, a messy-haired person wearing a school uniform jumped through the window.

"Hi there," greeted Hibari.

"Hibari!" Gasped everyone in the room.

"YOU!" Lucrezia hissed, "Because of you kicking me off the wireless last night, my allies died!"

Turning away, Hibari ignored her. "I'm not here to play today," he told them, "I came so the baby would owe me one. A deal, you might say."

The toddler nodded. "I've been expecting you."

"Mph." Was the prefect's reply as he pushed the body over with his foot, "One shot straight through the heart. Nice work." Hibari turned to the group with a smirk, "Okay, I'll dispose of the stiff for you."

"What?" Tsuna shrieked, "Dispose of it? What're you talking about?"

The fedora-wearing toddler explained, "He's going to make sure the body is never found and that no one else thinks a killing ever happened."

"Are you telling me that's a good idea?"

The prefect went over to the window, telling them that he'd have his minions come over later to pick up the dead body and find a place to dispose of it quietly. But while the rest of the room was shocked at how Hibari was using the school's Disciplinary Committee, Lucrezia was jamming the keys on her laptop to pull up a Wikipedia page that she could use against him.

"Hey, Hibari! You do realize you have to be at least eighteen to drive a motorcycle, right?" She waved the computer in front of her, "It says right here! You're breaking the law, boy!"

Narrowing his eyes at her, he snatched the laptop out of her hands. "Try stealing my internet now. Later." He jumped out of Tsuna's bedroom.

As Lucrezia stood there in total shock, Tsuna and Gokudera ran to the window. She didn't even realize what he was doing until he threw the dynamite at the prefect _and_ her laptop.

"NOOOOO!" She shrieked as she leapt on top of the bomber while the bombs flew back in and exploded.

While Gokudera checked on his boss and Yamamoto questioned why the other boy was carrying around fireworks, Lucrezia crawled to the window with stars in her eyes. "He- he defended my laptop!" She pulled herself up and leaned out the window, "Hibari! I LOVE YOU! MARRY ME!"

Haru was about to ask the other girl what she was talking about when something caught her attention. "Hey! Big problem!" The eccentric pointed at the bed, "That guy's body! It's gone!"

Before anyone could wonder about what happened, a new voice joined in. "Thought I was goner. I mean, that was close." The dead guy smiled at them from near the closet.

"Yeeeeeow!" The room's occupants screamed, "He came back to life!"

"Pleased to meet you, boss!" Greeted the man as blood spurted out of his mouth and Haru, Lucrezia and Tsuna shrieked about zombies.

Stepping in, Reborn took control of the situation. "This is Moretti, a 'heart-stopper'. He can stop his heart at will, inducing addio, a state of pseudo-death. As you saw, he's quite convincing. He's a special operative for the Vongola family."

Tsuna gasped. "Th-then, he wasn't dead?"

"No, just play-acting."

The wimpy boss's jaw dropped. "But I was sure I heard a bang!"

The toddler nodded. "That was a blank, and I fired it. Then I placed the gun in your hand."

"Ooo, evil!" Admired Lucrezia, "I have _got_ to do that sometime!"

"The blood's fake, and so was the burglary," added in Moretti,"Once I arrived in Japan, I thought I'd introduce myself by showing you what I could do. Reborn was all for it."

"We could've just shaken hands!" Yelled out Tsuna before he sighed in relief, "Still, you're alive." Suddenly, both him and Haru collapsed to the ground in shock.

Gokudera and Yamamoto grinned and joked with Moretti as Lucrezia headed downstairs to keep Bianchi from making the rice. If she could get there in time.

* * *

_Dear Mama,_

_I kind of need a new laptop. I didn't attack anyone with it this time, it was just kind of... stolen. By a really hot guy. And before you ask, no, I can't just seduce him to get it back, I'm pretty sure he's asexual or something. Or in love with his weird metal stick-y-things. Don't ask, just send the laptop._

_Yours,_

_Lucrezia

* * *

_

It was late evening when Lucrezia's cellphone rang in the Sawada's kitchen where she was lazing about, bored out of her mind with no laptop (since it would take a few days for her new one to reach her in Japan). She allowed the Imperial March from Star Wars to play for a few seconds longer than normal before answering, holding it up to her multi-pierced ear and greeting the caller. After listening for a moment and hanging up, she pushed out the chair and told Nana that she would be back shortly, grabbing her shoes and coat and heading out into the chill October evening.

Despite it only being early October, it was already quite cold out, the American noted, pulling her coat more tightly around her. At least back home it was still warm at this time of the month. And the trees would change their colours, and there would be Columbus Day, and best of all, it was the time of the year to head out to Sleepy Hollow and have fun with Jasmine scaring each other with ghost stories. She shook herself out of her reverie as she reached her destination: Take Sushi. As Reborn instructed, she went in and found Tsuna, Yamamoto, and a man who was probably Yamamoto's father lying on the ground, with Bianchi and Reborn standing to the side.

"Okay." The American said, "I think I can figure what's going on." Ruffling up her hair, she sighed, "Reborn took you, Bianchi and Lambo out for sushi, they ran out on the bill and you had to wash dishes to pay off your debt, Gokudera visited and tried to help, but ended up smashing some dishes that were worth a lot and added to your bill, so he wasn't allowed to help, they ate _that_ fish -" She pointed to the large, mostly eaten tuna on the counter, "Which is going to cost you more, and then Bianchi offered to help by making sushi to replace the fish, but it was poisonous and so now you all have food poisoning and Tsuna is in serious debt."

From the ground, the Vongola boss stared at her in wonder. "H-how did you know?"

The half-Italian smirked triumphantly. "Well, it may have been the empty sushi counter, the broken dish in the corner, the cigarette but on the ground outside that is from a brand only Gokudera smokes, the half-eaten tuna and the sushi that's obviously caused you some problems. Or-!" Lucrezia pulled a face of mock surprise as she pulled out her cellphone, "Maybe Reborn called me and told me what'd happened!"

Pulling himself unsteadily to his feet, Yamamoto grinned at her. "It's good to see you, 'Crezia. But why'd he call you?"

"I have a feeling that I know why..." Glancing at the toddler, Lucrezia raised an eyebrow, "The Vongola will reimburse me?"

The hitman nodded. "I knew you'd understand."

With a sigh, she reached into her pocket and pulled out her wallet. "How much does Tsuna owe you guys?"

Tsuyoshi stood up and braced himself against the table. "You''ll pay for everything?"

She pulled out a gold credit card. "I have the money. How much?"

"Three hundred thousand yen."

Behind her glasses, Lucrezia's eyes flashed irritatedly at Tsuna as she followed Tsuyoshi to pay off the debt. "You owe me."

Later, as the two walked home (since Reborn, Bianchi and Lambo had left while Lucrezia helped to clean up), Tsuna had to ask Lucrezia a question. "H-hey! 'Crezia, how come you never said you were rich?"

She just shrugged. "You never wondered how I could afford all those cellphones and game systems?"

"Oh…" For a moment he paused, until another realization hit him, "You know, considering we've been living together for four months, I know practically nothing of your family past Lambo!"

Stopping and turning around to face him, the half-Italian raised an eyebrow. "So, ask."

He pondered for a moment. "What does your mom do for a living?"

"She's a former model turned trophy bride. Basically, she goes out to gossip with her friends and attends events and such with Jeff. Huge hit at gaming conventions."

"Jeff?"

"Step-dad. Raised me my whole life. CEO of a gaming company."

Cocking his head, Tsuna asked another. "And your real dad?"

All she did was shrug. "Some big-shot executive in California. I never see him."

"Oh. I'm sorry."

"Why? I don't care." From the tone of her voice, it was apparent that this was an issue that she had long since resolved, "Jeff's my dad."

"Oh!" A smile lit on his face as he came up with an idea to bypass the awkwardness of the conversation, "What about your siblings?"

Whipping around, Lucrezia began walking back home again. "My mother had my sister when she was nineteen with Mario, one of Nonno's underlings. Eventually Stella got pregnant and married Luigi, another underling, and had Lambo."

"Ah. Why have we only heard from your mom and not them?"

Before she could explain, they had reached the house where Lambo was squalling out the window about wanting his aunt to tuck him in.

"Tomorrow." she told him, before racing up the house while shouting at Lambo to be quiet.

* * *

_Dear Mama,_

_Thank you for the laptop. Luckily I had backed up all my stuff onto a disc before he stole my precious, so I still have everything. And thank for the idea on how to get him back. Your Mafia roots are showing! Also, so is your gray hair. Better go get that dye job done, eh?_

_Yours,_

_Lucrezia

* * *

_

_First order of business: Kyoko is not totally out of character at the sports festival. In volume one, she had to physically restrained from going after Mochida, and from my own experience, having a brother like Ryohei makes it very hard to be nice all the time.  
_

_Second: Not only is Hibari too young to have driver's license (you have to be eighteen in Japan), he doesn't wear a helmet. What the glockenspiel?  
_

_Third: Scarborough, New York is where my mom grew up, so I made Lucrezia live there. It's really pretty.  
_

_Cake is delicious and reviews are shiny.  
_


	5. Babysitters and Visits Home

_School takes up way too much of my writing time. Rawr.  
_

_I don't own KHR.

* * *

_

**Chapter Five: Babysitters and Visits Home**_  
_

* * *

_Dear Mama,_

_I'm now top of the Math class again. And second to last in Literature. It's because of the kanji, I swear! Please send money, I had to bail out Tsuna because Bianchi and Reborn were being mean to him. Also, do you want me home for your birthday?  
_

_Yours,_

_Lucrezia

* * *

_Math was easy. Gloriously easy. In fact, the only thing she liked better than math was chemistry, but that was only because in chemistry you could blow things up and push the blame off onto a 'rare chemical reaction'. Past that, math was the best. It made _sense_. In a world where children died of cancer and mothers were hit by cars and viruses could wipe your entire hard drive and stupid sexy prefects steal your laptops because they're selfish bastards who don't like to share their internets, math was the last glimmering ray of logic.

However, they were in their Japanese Literature class at the moment, so Lucrezia was busy grinding her teeth and glowering at the kanji that lingered across the page. Why was this class even necessary? She was the top in math back home, but her English and History grades were miserable enough to keep her with her grade level. Glancing about the classroom, she took heart in the fact that about a third of the class, including Yamamoto and Tsuna, were just as confused with it as she was.

For another five minutes she pretended to understand what she was reading, skimming the pages and turning them at random. It was a pretty good formula compared to Tsuna's, which was staring at the words until they made sense. Yamamoto appeared to simply grin and hope that his charm could read for him while Gokudera (whose seat was regrettably near her own) studied the pages intensely.

Glancing about, she picked up on Hana, boredly reading about four chapters ahead and Kyoko reading along at the regular rate, pouting slightly when there was some word she couldn't figure out.

All in all, a regular class.

Until the whispers started.

"Check the outfit!"

"Is that a zebra? Or a panda?"

"Maybe a cow?"

Cow? Flicking her eyes to the door, Lucrezia started. Lambo was there, clutching himself and whimpering, "Per-ser-ver-ence..."

Tsuna saw him too. "Lambo!" The spiky haired boy shrieked.

"Tsuna!" The little Bovino cried, "My zippers stuck and I can't pee!"

While the other students made jokes and catcalls, Tsuna glanced around frantically. Where was Lucrezia? Shouldn't Lambo be calling for her? When his eyes landed on her desk, he jumped. She was gone! And for some reason, in the middle of autumn, the window was open...

* * *

Two stories down, Lucrezia smiled happily up at the person whose arms she landed in. "Thank you so much!" She gushed, "You've saved my life! I would've been a splatter on the ground if not for you. How could I ever thank you?"

"It's not a problem!" Shouted Ryohei at her, "I can't believe you leaped from the window! That was EXTREME! Now, back to my P.E.!" He jogged off towards his class.

"...Ryohei, you're still holding me."

"I know! I'm going to carry you on my back while I play soccer! I'll get twice the work out!"

"WHAT?"

* * *

Hours later, there was something of a temper tantrum at home.

"I thought you were watching Lambo, mom!" While Nana made her excuses, Tsuna turned on their American house guest, "And you, 'Crezia! You jumped out of a window at the first sign of responsibility!"

Head resting on the table with an ice pack being held on top, she grinned at him. "I know. I'll be a horrible parent. But if it helps, I got hit eight times with a soccer ball."

Eating her dinner, Bianchi piped up with the idea of getting a full-time babysitter for Lambo. Immediately Lucrezia claimed that she wouldn't be able to because of school. Luckily, Reborn agreed to help find them a babysitter, not wanting Lambo to interfere with Tsuna's studies when Reborn put such _loving dedication_ to getting his charge's grades up. Everything was going to be okay!

* * *

Until the next day.

Both Tsuna and Lucrezia stared in shock at Reborn's choices. In front of them, both rather cheerful, were Gokudera and Yamamoto. While the two Vongola members greeted their boss, Tsuna was filled with dread and Lucrezia with anticipation. Watching these two try and babysit her irritating younger cousin? This would greatly amusing. She reflected with disappointment on the fact that her video camera was left lying on the floor at home in many broken and smoking parts, the latest victim of Lambo's explosives.

"What's this about, Reborn?" Tsuna's cry echoed throughout the schoolyard, "Weren't you going to introduce me to a babysitter for Lambo?"

The toddler nodded. "That's what I've done. You're the boss, so pick one of your men to do it."

The Vongola heir's jaw dropped. "One of my men to do it? Y'mean one of those two?"

Regrettably, his spaz session was interrupted by the irritating laugh of the instigator of this entire mess. The cow-print suit wearing child leaped out of a nearby window, grinning maniacally at the group while obnoxiously announcing his presence.

A scowling Gokudera apparently had the urge to snark. "The brat is back? Beat it, pee boy."

Lambo's face went scarlet. "Pee boy? Hah!" He tried to defend himself, "I only pretended to pee! You idiots are way too easy to fool!"

"Why, you!" Growled the other half-Italian as the rest watched, amused and worried, "I'll teach you to mess with me!"

Blinking innocently, Lambo pointed away. "What's that?"

Gullibility was strong in Gokudera that day and he turned his head, only to be punched in the eye. Lucrezia smiled proudly at her nephew for that while Yamamoto quickly grabbed Gokudera, who was now attacking the little boy.

Reborn stepped forward to take control of the situation. "Okay, let's begin the aptitude test for the job of Lambo's babysitter."

The strawberry-blonde American plopped herself onto the ground as the boys discussed who would be best for the role of Lambo's babysitter. At first, Gokudera flat out refused, but Reborn decided to up the game and claimed that whoever became Lambo's babysitter would also be Tsuna's right hand man. For a moment, Lucrezia entertained the notion of trying for the position herself; it would definitely bring the Bovino family up in the Mafia world. But she dismissed it quickly as she watched Lambo wail loudly. No way was that thing going to be her responsibility.

Looking at his leader with a strained face, Gokudera tried to smile. "Truth is, boss, I love Lambo."

Nobody bought it.

"The test is simple," declared Reborn, "Whoever makes Lambo laugh, wins."

"That's all?" Tsuna asked in relief as his two men began their macho face down with Lucrezia cackling wickedly in the background as she snapped pictures with a random camera she had.

"I refuse to lose to you, Yamamoto," started off the silver-haired boy, "We'll settle it once and for all."

The Japanese boy nodded. "Suits me. When I play, I play to win."

Everyone ignored Lucrezia's cry of "CAT FIGHT, WOO!" It was probably better that way.

First off was Gokudera. While Reborn informed them of a three minute time limit, he stepped forward and held out his hand, apologizing for earlier and asking if Lambo wanted to make up. The answer was a grenade. Quickly throwing it away, Gokudera grabbed Lambo by throat and strangled him until Yamamoto pulled him off. The little Bovino leapt onto his aunties lap wailing and clinging to her for dear life.

Next was Yamamoto. Agreeing that he was their best bet, Lambo was peeled off of Lucrezia's leg and put back on the dirt for Yamamoto to attempt to make him laugh. The Japanese teenager pulled out a baseball and glove. "Ever played catch before, Lambo?"

"Sure he has," quipped Lucrezia, "He's played 'Catch Shit From Zia for Breaking Her Computer' for _years_."

Reborn hushed her as Yamamoto prepared to through the ball. But before he released it, something changed. The usual cheerful demeanor slipped away and a darker, scarier expression appeared as he whipped the ball impossibly hard at the child, causing it to slam into Lambo's face.

"S-sorry!" Cried out Takeshi as he rushed towards the kid with concern etched all over his face, "Once I'm into the pitch, I can't hold back!"

On the sidelines, Tsuna and Lucrezia stared at the boy with a new fear of him, while Gokudera mentioned that it was about time his scary side showed up. A new voice interrupted them, echoing around the schoolyard.

"What is going on here?" Demanded Haru as she stepped in, hands on her hips and looking very displeased.

"Haru?" Exclaimed Tsuna, "What're you doing here?"

"New transfer?" Offered Gokudera.

The bubbly and irritated girl looked offended. "Ha! As if! I'm here for an inter-school rhythmic gymnastics meet. But what do I find when I arrive? Tsuna picking on Lambo!" She went over to help Yamamoto try and cheer up Lambo as Gokudera, Tsuna and Lucrezia tried to imagine her as a gymnast and failed. Picking up the sobbing kid, Haru whipped around and glared at them all. "You... you heartless bullies!

"That means you, Tsuna! How dare you make poor little Lambo cry?"

"It was actually Gokudera and Yamamoto..." Lucrezia tried to point out from her spot on the ground.

But she was apparently next on the girl's list. "And you, Lucrezia! You're Lambo's aunt! You should be taking better care of him and not leaving him in the hands of the boys!"

Turning her head, the duck-haired girl frowned up at Tsuna. "Your girlfriend is yelling at me. Make her stop."

"Ah- bu- she's not my girlfriend!"

On the other hand, Reborn looked contemplative. "Now that's what I call a babysitter."

Gokudera's cigarette dropped out of his mouth in shock. "Haru... your right hand man?"

"Ooo," cackled Lucrezia, "The plot thickens!"

Oblivious to them all, Lambo whipped the Ten Year Bazooka out of his hair and fired it at himself while still in Haru's arms. A large poof of pink smoke appeared and when it cleared, the ten years older Lambo was in Haru's arms, holding a cup of tea. But he proved to be far too heavy for Haru to hold and she slipped, dropping him hard onto her knee.

Kneeling on the ground, older Lambo rubbed himself and complained. "Aging ten years is no fun..."

"Huh?" Haru pulled back, shocked, "Who are you?"

Tsuna's eyes widened. "That's right, Haru's never seen Lambo as an adult."

The older Lambo didn't see too much of problem with that. "Ah, my dear young Haru. It's been too long." He greeted warmly, only to be met with a resounding slap.

"You beast!" Haru shrieked, "Lout! Pervert!" Everyone stared at her in confusion until she began shouting again, "Button your shirt! You're exposing yourself! You look like a molester!"

"But... this is the style!" Protested Lambo weakly.

A very cheerful Gokudera, realizing that since Haru wouldn't be able to handle older Lambo, the position of right hand man was still open, went up and decided to pick on Lambo as well. "When you're right you're right, Haru," he said amiably picking up Lambo's necklace while he was at it, "And what's with the corny pendant, guy? I'd say you were more suited to a nose ring!"

"Yes!" Cheered Lucrezia, "One of the bull ones! Why, I think I could find a decent piercer nearby, and maybe I could get a new ring as well..."

The shocked and somewhat downtrodden Lambo backed away. "I... I think I'd better go..."

"Yeah, you do that!" Smirked Gokudera wickedly.

Sniffling and muttering, Lambo began to walk out of the schoolyard. But Yamamoto's eye was caught by something lying on the ground and he picked it up. "Hey, you," he called over to Lambo, "You dropped your horn."

The Bovino turned around and stupidly asked the baseball player to toss it to him.

The horn was whipped at him with enough force to stab the pointed end right into his forehead. As Yamamoto, Tsuna and Lucrezia rushed forward to comfort him, the teenage boy burst into tears.

Reborn looked up at Tsuna while Lambo began clinging to his aunt. "Looks like you'll have to look after him, Tsuna."

"You planned that from the beginning!" Accused Tsuna as pink smoke enveloped the sobbing Bovino and a content child replaced him.

* * *

In the future, a young woman with blonde hair and multiple piercings casually raised an eyebrow at the older Lambo who appeared in front of her wailing.

"I take it Yamamoto hit you again?" She questioned, lifting a teacup to her lips as she stretched her legs under the low table she was sitting at.

"Ziiiiaaaaa!" Throwing himself into her lap, he cried into skirt, leaving her to take care of yet another sobbing version of himself.

* * *

_Dear Mama,_

_Yes, I will bring home lots of pictures. I haven't joined a club. Clubs are for silly people with too much time on their hands or crazy people like my friend Yamamoto._

_Yours,_

_Lucrezia  
_

* * *

In the Sawada household, there were three possible reasons for a loud wail to echo through every room.

One: Tsuna was being tortured by Reborn.

Two: Lambo was being an annoying brat.

And three: Lucrezia had just lost the internet. Again.

Apparently, Tsuna found out when he, along with Yamamoto and Gokudera glanced over at her on a spare laptop (meaning 'small hard drive and slow to the point of tears') at the table in Tsuna's room. Clutching at her hair, she actually whimpered at the screen.

Yamamoto was the first to try and comfort her. "Maa, 'Crezia, what's wrong?"

The floodgates opened and she tossed herself onto the baseball player. "Everything!" She sobbed into his shirt, "That evil Hibari has had someone build him a new firewall!"

"But you got through the last one easily enough," he said innocently, "Why can't you get through this one?"

The room seemed to darken and the occupants could almost swear that lightning was flashing outside the window. "You think that hacking is just like in the movies, don't you?" The American asked in a dangerous tone, "That it's _easy_ to casually break into someones computer, that all you need is some random program that you download off the internet and you can get into _anything_. Well, THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS!" Getting off of Yamamoto, she began pacing the room, "That first firewall I ran into? I was able to take it down so quickly because it was one I'd often run into, and so the program was designed to work fast. But this one?" Throwing up her hands, Lucrezia looked at them in disbelief, "It could take me weeks, even months, just to figure out the security flaws, let alone write a program to take it down, and I can't even do it on that laptop! A custom firewall! He's won! Hibari has won this battle!"

Before she could rant on, a thought suddenly seemed to occur to her and she swung around and scooped up laptop, racing to the door before glancing back at them with an evil smirk, "But he hasn't won the war!" She slammed the door behind her.

Rolling his eyes in irritation, Gokudera muttered under his breath. "Everything has to be about her..."

Downstairs, Lucrezia put down her computer and threw on some dark clothes before running out the door. She was a Mafia girl, and she was going to get back her laptop one way or another!

* * *

"Can I just say that you totally suck?"

No response.

"Because really, you're being a dick. And I possibly just lost a hundred yen for that, so lets lose some more money. You are a bitch. Not just any kind of bitch, no, you are a special breed of bitch, raised in seclusion and trained only by the greatest bitches of this age to become! The! Uber-Bitch!"

No response.

"Okay, now this is just getting ridiculous."

"Herbivore," Hibari stated dryly, "You broke into my house."

"Yes, and you stole my laptop and cut off my internet. You see how this works?"

Lucrezia sat in the middle of a large, traditionally-styled room, surrounded by thin paper walls and on top of tatami mats, tied up with a couple of ties that Hibari had found while she was unconscious after he hit her with with a tonfa. Although it had long since been acknowledged that her athletic skills were equal or lesser than Tsuna's, it still disappointed her that she couldn't even pull off a decent robbery. Sure, Nonno messed up all the time (the stories that were told at Bovino family reunions were always a blast), and Zia Lulu once got locked out of the car when she was working as a getaway driver, but still! What kind of Mafia child was she?

The kind that wasn't so good at Mafia-ing, apparently. Maybe she should just stick to computer stuff.

Struggling against her bonds (damn, he was good at tying knots!) Lucrezia glared at him. "You know, if you would've just given me back my laptop, this never would've happened."

"You're the one tied up," he commented from a kotatsu where he was drinking tea and doing homework, "I'm not very inconvenienced by this."

Standing up and hopping over to the table, she sat down next to him, sticking her feet under the cover and into the warmth. Apparently the grumpy boy was having issues with a math problem that looked beautifully easy to her. She couldn't stop herself from pointing out his trouble. "It's the nine."

He glowered at her. "I don't need your help."

"Yes you do."

"No I don't."

"Yes you do."

"No I don't."

Rolling her eyes, she glanced at the rest of his work and her jaw dropped. "You're _horrible_. Seriously, you've only got two of these right."

The prefect stiffened. The need for discipline in the halls of Namimori Middle often kept him from actually attending classes (as did his habit of sleeping on the roof), and so he usually wound up with piles of homework that he couldn't figure out. However, he wouldn't accept help from the annoying girl who kept on trying to steal his internet. Not even if she was currently describing the exact way to solve the problem.

Making a decision he very much disliked, Hibari leaned behind her and untied her hands. While she happily threw off the tie, he picked up the pencil and tossed it at her.

"Congratulations. You will from now on be doing my homework for me."

Instead of answering, she just pulled over his notebook and began reworking all of his equations, an amused smile on her face. After finishing them off, the half-Italian grinned up at the prefect. "So, I've totally just earned back my laptop, correct?"

"No." He slapped his next assignment in front of her. "Now do this one."

"...Japanese Literature. You _monster_."

* * *

The next morning was not a happy one for Lucrezia as Nana loomed over her at the breakfast table. Reborn, Bianchi and Lambo were also in attendance,

"Lucrezia Allegra James!" The mother scolded, "I heard you broke into someones house last night! Is this true?"

Putting down her chopsticks slowly, the American sheepishly looked up at the woman who had taken her in and tried to smile as sweetly and innocently as possible, as in 'How could someone this cute possibly do such thing?'

It didn't work. Nana Sawada took a deep breath and prepared herself for her next words. "You're grounded."

Lucrezia choked on her rice while Nana continued on. "I don't mean to say anything rude about your parents, but how they let you get away with these things, I don't know, but here I won't tolerate you sneaking around the neighborhood at night." Now a more concerned look appeared, "You might've been hurt or raped! So, starting today, you will only have one hour on your computer and no leaving the house without permission after six, until the end of October. Now, I have to go wake up Tsuna for school. He can never wake up on time..." She wandered off, leaving a shocked Lucrezia, amused Reborn, ignorant Lambo and snickering Bianchi.

"Ha ha." The older girl smirked.

"SHUT UP! This suuuucks...!"

* * *

_Dear Mama,_

_I suppose I'll be seeing you soon for your birthday. I absolutely refuse to go on a plane with Lambo, so Nana is helping him make a card for you._

_Yours,  
_

_Lucrezia  
_

* * *

A few days passed and Lucrezia found herself staring out of a window in business class, on an airline heading to New York. As it was almost the fourteenth of October, she was going home for her mother's birthday. It had been amusing to find out that Tsuna shared his birthday with a flighty Italian trophy bride, but bringing up that fact to Reborn had resulted in him informing her that his own birthday was the day before and pulling out a gun and threatening her to make the same connection. She'd left presents for them with Nana, along with instructions to give them to the boys.

While trying to ignore the creepy business man beside her, she admired the clouds. What was it about clouds that she liked so much? Was it how they traveled aloof and uncaring? The fact that they were free and untethered to anything? Forever floating on the breeze, never hindered by responsibilities or firewalls?

More likely, it was because they looked so fluffy and soft and huggable.

Putting in her headphones and blasting Daft Punk as loudly as possible without pissing off the people around her, she pulled out her Gameboy Advance and started playing Pokemon. She shifted uncomfortably in her seat as a battle started. It didn't matter what class, she was in, airplane seats were always awkward to sit in. They were too small. Something like a sofa would be better in her opinion. A bed would kind of creepy though. Unless Hibari was there. Then it could be fun!

Twelve hours of Pokemon, Doctor Who episodes on her laptop and naps later, the plane touched down at JFK airport in New York. Tiredly retrieving her carry-on, she dragged her feet along with the rest of the passengers, eyes half-lidded with a craving for sleep, even if it was only eleven-thirty in the morning. Smiling at her digital watch, she realized that she had gained an extra fifteen minutes of the day by going over the international dateline.

Out in the lobby, though, her body woke itself up when a flying mass of black hair, bright green eyes and designer clothing threw itself at her and clutched her tightly. Behind the glomper, a man with a shaved head and stubbly beard smiled at his step-daughter.

"Welcome home, 'Crezia," Jeff grinned, watching his wife snuggle her daughter while sobbing happily.

Peeking out from her mother's arms, Lucrezia smiled back, "Thanks, Jeff. Hi, Mama."

On the ride home, she showed them the photos of her and Lambo in Japan that had been taken over time. There was one with her and Hana and Kyoko at the sports festival, all in their PE uniforms, Tsuna trying to drag Lambo to the bath, Haru and Gokudera fighting with Yamamoto in the background trying to calm them down, Ryohei boxing, and a nice family picture with Nana and all her boarders (though she purposefully avoiding letting her mother see the ones from the babysitter test). Of course, there was only one person her mother was looking for.

"Where's the asexual boy?"

Le sigh.

Rolling her eyes, Lucrezia slumped back in her seat, crushing her hair against the back rest. "I tried to get a picture of him before I left, but he kept on confiscating my cameras. Or destroying them, depending on how long I'd been bugging him."

"Damn," swore Bella, "I wanted to see what he looked like."

"I could draw you a picture?"

"I said want to see what he looks like, not a Picasso impression."

Jeff glared at them. "Hey! Sheathe the claws, I don't want any cat fights on my leather seats!"

Flirtatiously, Bella fluttered her eyelashes at him. "Oh, but Jeff! We do so much more than that on them~!"

"LA LA LA LA, MY PARENTS ARE NOT TALKING ABOUT SEX, LA LA LA LA!"

* * *

Over the next week, Lucrezia found herself feeling oddly uncomfortable. Sure, it was fun going back to her old school and seeing slash bothering her teachers (her math teacher had clung to her leg and begged her with tears in his eyes to stay, a fun sight for everyone except the scary headmistress), and being able to actually hang out with Jasmine instead of constantly texting her was amazing. They ended up having Jasmine skip a day of school and just chilled in Lucrezia's room watching anime and sci-fi movies from the eighties and eating copious amounts of junk food and pop. But still, something was wrong.

Maybe it was the way that the house felt so spacious and empty. The fact that in the kitchen, there was just their housekeeper cooking, not a whole rag-tag group of mafiosos and freeloaders. Dinner was either a formal affair in the dining room or eaten wherever, whenever, not at a certain time and carefree with everyone around the table.

And at her mother's birthday party, the half-Italian felt even more out of place than ever in her party dress and surrounded by business men and trophy women, proteges and debutantes. Only sipping lightly at the champagne flute she bullied one of the waiters into giving her, she stepped out into the yard.

It was a new moon that night. Staring out at all the stars, Lucrezia sighed and shivered a bit, wishing she had a jacket or something to keep her warm. Wiggling her toes in uncomfortable high heels, she listened to the hum of the party while calculating the time. It would be noon in Namimori; Tsuna would be having some kind of fancy lunch to make up for the fact that Nana had forgotten his birthday, as he told her yesterday over the phone. Her friends would be sitting around in class, doing their work (History, most likely) while on the other side of the world, their American friend looked at the stars. It was a weird feeling.

She wondered what Hibari was doing. Was he thinking of her? Missing her, even? Holding her laptop to his body at night and wondering if he could catch her scent?

* * *

Napping on the roof of Namimori, Hibari received the strange urge to bite someone to death.

* * *

A warm voice interrupted her thoughts.

"Hey, girly, what do you think you're doing, sneaking out here, huh?"

Turning around and grinning, Lucrezia admired her friend Jasmine. With white-blonde hair, pale skin, violet eyes and an amazing body, Jasmine was considered to be the most beautiful girl in Scarborough. But to the great disappointment of her mother and others, she held little interest in her looks. Though she was willing to dress up and be pretty at parties, her outfits usually consisted of thrift shop hoodies and jeans, along with ratty Chuck Taylors. Many boys had been attracted to her at first, admiring her poise and grace in a school uniform, only to be horrified by the reality of lazy clothes and a lack of ability to spend more than five minutes talking about anything that wasn't a video game, sci-fi or anime.

With a tap of her nail on her nose stud, the half-Italian raised her eyebrows. "You know me. I needed to sneak a quick cigarette out here."

"And you didn't even bring out a flask of Firewhiskey? Shame on you."

Both of them laughed brightly and turned their eyes to the skies.

"I'm really going to miss you when you leave again." Jasmine quietly admitted. Lucrezia reached over and squeezed her friend's hand.

"Shut up. You can visit me anytime. And you also need to keep working on your frothy and sugar-filled dream." The white-blonde hoped to create a vast candy empire one day. In fact, she claimed she was almost at the point of perfecting a special kind of lollipop that her cousin Spanner requested, though she kept the details top-secret.

Eyes shining in the dark, Jasmine asked her friend excitedly, "If I do visit, can we watch early morning anime?"

"Duh."

"Yay!"

They stood like that for awhile, chatting animatedly while holding hands and looking at the stars.

* * *

Two days later, on a Saturday, Lucrezia smiled up at her parents as they shoved bags into her arms.

"This one is for Lambo, it's his favourite candy-"

"Here's a new game that just came out, you might enjoy it-"

"Some things for Mrs. Sawada, to show our appreciation-"

Pushing it all into her carry-on, she blocked off more items. "There's no more room!" She laughed, waving off her pouting mother who readjusted her silky jacket before hugging her daughter.

"'Crezia, would you mind terribly if we visited at Christmas?" Bella asked, mascaraed eyes looking down innocently at her child, "We miss you so very much, and we'd love to see Lambo and-"

The plea was cut off by Jeff. "Don't bother arguing, we've already bought the tickets."

With a practiced combination of rolling her eyes and sighing, Lucrezia dragged her luggage to the car.

* * *

Confetti greeted her at the doorway.

"Welcome home, 'Crezia!" Cried out Kyoko, Haru and Yamamoto while Hana and Gokudera rolled their eyes in the background and Tsuna struggled to hold onto Lambo who was squealing and finally managed pull out of his arms and race to his aunt hugging her around the leg. As Bianchi and Yamamoto took in her luggage, the American picked up her nephew and was led to the kitchen, where she was greeted by Nana cooking a feast at the stove and Reborn sitting on top of the dining room table next to a large pile of papers.

The toddler smiled wickedly at her. "Welcome back, Lucrezia. Hibari had his homework dropped off for you to do. He also says it better be done by Monday or he'll bite you to death."

"...Damn it!"

She was home.

* * *

_BAH, CHEESY ENDING, but it was that or spend copious amounts of time trying to work Lucrezia into Reborn's birthday party._

_Hope you enjoyed and please review~!  
_


	6. The Chinese Assassin and a Date

**Ooo, new font stuff for the author's note. Isn't it shiny? Anyways, between my Creative Writing class and my Scriptwriting class (and totally breaking my laptop. Way to go, me.) I have had no inspiration to work on this. Blaaah.**

**I don't own KHR.**

**(EDIT: Sorry about the repost; my computer fails.)**

**

* * *

****Chapter Six: The Chinese Assassin**** and a Date  
**

**

* * *

**

_Dear Mama_

_Tell Jeff that I'm never trusting him again. Disguising a ridiculous OutRun 2 game as Halo 2 wasn't funny. It was depressing. Lambo appreciates the candy (By squalling horribly, tearing up the packaging and getting most of it stuck in Tsuna's hair). Nana got me to help her cook dinner last night with the pasta and such you gave us, but we had to keep Bianchi from entering the kitchen and 'helping'._

_Yours,_

_Lucrezia_

_PS: No, seriously, the OutRun game pisses me off. Send me Halo 2 for real. I know he has it. YOU CAN'T LIE TO ME, JEFFERSON JACKSON MORRISON. CAN'T LIE TO ME._

* * *

The dog's barking was really annoying.

Having at last succeeded in dragging Tsuna out of bed in time to walk to school with him, Lucrezia glowered at the vicious-looking dog, her glasses glimmering ominously, but she ultimately chose to ignore it. Tsuna did not.

"Jeez," complained the Vongola heir, "The dog at this place is really a nuisance…"

The grumpy girl (having Lambo have a bad dream, launch the Ten-Year Bazooka at himself and get chased around the room by a murderous Bianchi at three in the morning really did a number on your general life-tolerance levels), raised an eyebrow at him. "Yeah, so?"

"Nothing." He pulled a weird face, "Stuuupid! Stuuupid!" The Sawada teased, "Don't like it? Then come and get me!"

The evil mutt shoved open the gate with a loud and ear-piercing creak. Both teens pulled back in horror as it lunged forward at them, making them turn and run away as fast as possible, the snarling creature snapping at their heels.

"Damn it, Tsuna!" Lucrezia shrieked, "You just had to taunt the happy fun dog!"

"Shut up and run! HELP!"

As he shouted out his plea, they passed a small, strange toddler wearing Chinese clothing, eating a bun and carrying a small bag over his shoulder. Flipping off the wall, the child landed right in front of the vicious and slobbering dog, it's teeth bared.

Lucrezia and Tsuna whipped around in shock. "Eeeeek!" The American squealed in shock, "That little boy is going to get hurt!"

"Oh no, a baby!" Tsuna cried out at the same time. That dog will maul that baby to death! What'll I do? Beside him, Lucrezia had already stepped forward, but before either of them could do anything, the toddler shot out a hand and, without even touching the mutt, sent it flying backwards. Another spin of the wrist and the dog was twisting through the air and scampering away as soon as possible. The teens mouths dropped open.

"W-wow," stuttered out Tsuna, "What just happened?"

With wide eyes, Lucrezia just shook her head and rummaged around in her blazer's pocket for a piece of candy, offering it to the child. "Thanks for saving us. Would you like this?" She smiled cheerfully.

Jolting, Tsuna nodded along. "Uh, yeah thank you."

But instead of saying something back, the little kid glared at Tsuna evilly, before bowing slightly to Lucrezia, taking the candy and running off.

"Well. That was weird." Yawning, Lucrezia scratched her head and glanced lazily back at Tsuna, "Shall we continue on?"

"Uh, yeah," Tsuna glanced at her strangely, "How come you were so nice to that boy? I thought you hated kids!"

The Italian-American rolled her eyes. "I actually like kids," she told him, "I used babysit a lot back home. It's _Lambo_ who I don't like." Her phone began to ring, but it wasn't one of her regular ringtones that announced it:

"GAH HA HA HA HA! Lambo has Zia 'Crezia's phone! It's mine, mine, mine - NO! GIVE IT BACK, MAMAN, IT'S LAMBO'S NOW! NOOOOOO-"

Lucrezia snapped it shut, rage etched into her face. "And for obvious reasons!" She hissed, turning around. "I'll see you at school. LAMBO! I'M GOING TO MURDER YOU!"

* * *

Lucrezia's head was cocked to the side, her glasses slowly sliding down her nose as she focused on the pages of kanji before, a scowl working itself onto her face. Beside her, Hana casually wrote down her responses to the chapter, smiling slightly as she put down a point. Across the dining room table, Kyoko chewed on the tip of her pen in concentration, her eyes reading a phrase over and over to try and comprehend what it meant.

The American finally gave up and shut the book with a loud bang. "This sucks!" She whined, "I can't read, like, half of it!"

"Maybe if you practiced more, you'd be able to." Pointed out Hana as she closed her book as well, "Anyhow, I'm done."

Giggling at them, Kyoko got up to check on the cookies she'd been baking. "You know, I have some books from when I was a kid that helped me to learn kanji. I bet I could still find them, if you want."

Lucrezia turned down the offer. "I'd be mocked forever if Gokudera found out." With a heavy sigh, she pouted at her friends, "When will the cookies be done?"

"Another five minutes."

"Gluuuuurg..." Her head fell, the tip of her nose lightly scraping the pages, "And after this I have to do Hibari's homework, too!" The blonde groaned.

Hana's eyebrows shot up. "You're doing the prefect's homework?"

The duck-haired head lifted itself off of the book, allowing two sad brown eyes to land on Hana. "Uh huh, and if I don't get good grades, he'll kick my ass and never give me my laptop. He's mean. And hot. And mean."

"Ah, I'd been meaning to ask you!" Kyoko smiled sweetly, "Are you and Hibari dating?"

While Hana began laughing maniacally at the thought, Lucrezia pouted. "No, we aren't. Yet." An idea popped into her mind, "But tell me, Kyoko," she grinned wickedly, "How do you feel about Tsuna?"

To the great disappointment of her friends, Kyoko did not blush or stutter or anything when she warmly said that Tsuna was a 'good friend'. "And everyone keeps saying that he likes me, but I don't see why," she continued, to the skeptical looks of the cynical folk at the table, "I mean, he's nice to me and all, but he's nice to others as well."

When the oven began to beep and alert the innocent girl to return to her baking, both Hana and Lucrezia leaned in towards each other with mirror expressions of 'is she serious?'.

"Are you going to tell Sawada about this?"

"Only if I need to make him cry. I'd suggest we play matchmaker, but that wouldn't be as fun as simply watching Tsuna be a pussy, would it?"

"Agreed. Let's just watch how it all plays out."

"Yeah- COOKIES!"

* * *

Later that night, after Lucrezia had returned home with some cookies for everyone, courtesy of Kyoko (which made poor Tsuna, who had no idea of her earlier conservation, positively radiant with joy), the American began to work on Hibari's homework, scowling irritably the entire time. How the Hell did he have such a huge amount? Did he ever go to class? Clicking up some led from her mechanical pencil that had little cream puffs all over it, she got to work.

Math? Oh yeah, he was definitely going to get an 'A' in that class.

Science? Same there.

English? Oh so very simple. So simple she went and over-complicated everything to see how the teacher would handle it.

Japanese History? ...He didn't really need to pass that, did he?

Japanese Literature? The sheets now lay in the corner.

And... art? Seriously? Hibari took art? After allowing herself a moment of evil cackling, Lucrezia sketched out a robot-duck-lizard monster destroying a rival school. After pondering over which school it was, she settled on Kokuyo.

After all, none of them could do anything to get back at them, right?

* * *

Stretching out on the couch, rays of the sun adding highlights to her red-gold hair, Lucrezia sighed happily into a pillow. It was just so lovely to be able to take a break and relax after a stressful class of Japanese Literature. In fact, as her eyes began to flutter closed, she realized that a nap was just what she needed...

"Get off of my couch, herbivore."

The only problem was the prefect glowering at her from the desk.

Alas, the reception room could not be the greatest napping room in the world, as it was currently the evil base of Hibari and his henchmen. Sneaking into it to nap on it's horribly green but ridiculously comfy couch was nigh suicidal in anyone's books. But the Bovino family was more known for it's balls than it's brains (though Lucrezia would be more than happy to arrogantly proclaim that she inhibited both), so the strawberry-blonde simply rolled onto her stomach and grinned flirtatiously at Hibari.

"Ohh, but Hibari-chaaan~!" She whined cutely, batting her eyelashes at him to his obvious discomfort, "It's been so long since we've been able to just hang out like this!"

"Get to class."

Scowling, she tapped her nail (newly painted a neon orange in blatant opposition to the school dress code) against her nose-ring. "It's English class. English is my second language and I've lived in America since I was four. I don't need to study it."

Though he wouldn't look at her, Hibari couldn't help but ask a question. "Second?"

The girl grinned, knowing she'd managed to catch his attention. "Yeah. I was born in America, raised for almost four years in Italy, then moved back to America, so Italian's my first. Japanese is my third. What about you? What's your history like?"

Scrawling on his papers, Hibari tried to ignore her again. "It's none of your business. Now get out, I need to work."

"You're not working, you're drawing pictures of birds. Now, come on, you can tell me!"

"Get to class."

"But I don't want-"

BANG!

A huge explosion outside the window cut her off. Both the Japanese prefect and the Italian-American technophile stared at the window at a startling display, watching the light eventually fade out.

"...fireworks?" Offered the confused strawberry-blonde as an explanation. Hibari stood up with a look that could split molecules. He stalked over to the door and swung it open, leaving the multi-pierced duck-haired girl behind on the couch. "Where are you going?"

"If someone is shooting fireworks off of the school roof, they will be bitten to death." Growling lowly, he turned to fix an evil eye on Lucrezia, "And herbivore?"

Damn it, she'd have to figure out a way to get him to use her real name. "Yeah?"

"Get to class."

* * *

Getting home late after doing her cleaning duties (which she never had to do in the U.S., her inner elitist sniffed, they had janitors for that), Lucrezia found a little Chinese boy tied up in Tsuna's bedroom, with Gokudera, Tsuna and Reborn discussing what to do with the boy.

There was much pain following that.

"'CREZIA! Stop beating me with the - ow! - table!"

"Get away from the Tenth!"

"BRING IT ON, YOU CHILD TORMENTOR!"

"NO! NO TASERS AND BOMBS! NO TASERS AND-"

BOOM!

Reborn untied I-Pin, before both stepped out of the way of the fighting. As a black slumpy boot went flying over their heads, the fedora-wearing toggler smirked at the Chinese one. "It might be an idea," he suggested, "to stay here and train yourself."

I-Pin asked him a question in Chinese.

"...Not necessarily under these idiots."

Sighing in relief, I-Pin dodged a pillow.

"Ow! OW!"

"FIGHT LIKE MEN, YOU WIMPS!"

* * *

_Dear Mama,_

_NUUUUU, GIVES ME TEH GAME OR I PUT YOU IN A BAD HOME AND HOARD ALL UR MONEYS FOR MYSELF WHEN YOU'RE OLD(er)._

_Also, I really don't think that sending Lambo more candy is the correct response to him throwing it everywhere. Just sayin'.  
_

_Yours,_

_Lucrezia  
_

* * *

Her hair mussed up and without her glasses, Lucrezia stumbled out of the room she shared with Bianchi and Lambo, squinting to make up for the missing focus. It wasn't too bad, only a little blurry. Distinct shapes could still be made out.

WHAM!

Apparently, whatever was in front of her had to disagree.

"Oh, I'm sorry, 'Crezia!" Nana sang out, a basket of laundry in hand, "Oh, dear, where are your glasses?"

"I assume Lambo took 'em." Picking up a few pieces of clothing she knocked over, a frown crossed her face, "Aren't these still a bit damp?"

The brown haired woman nodded and glanced behind her at a small Chinese toddler. "I had to bring them in - a shower's coming in. Though I wouldn't've found out if I hadn't been warned in time."

Brightly smiling when she saw the child, Lucrezia leaned down and greeted I-Pin. "Thanks for warning her! My stuff would've gotten all wet, which would totally suck."

Nodding, I-Pin bowed to her in a Chinese style and followed Nana into the kitchen.

_And another is brought into the Sawada Home For Wayward Mafia_. A heavy sigh escaping her lips, the American wandered off in search of Lambo and her glasses.

Following the obnoxious guffaws emitting from the upstairs bathroom, Lucrezia stood ominously in the doorway over Lambo, who was obliviously playing with toys he had scattered on the floor. Currently he had a rubber duck, a stuffed cow and a lion plush Tsuna had won him in a draw on the bath mat.

He held up the cow, lion and the duck and made them walk along the floor happily. "C'mon, Zia 'Crezia and Tsuna, let's go on an adventure!" He squeaked before going into a deeper voice for Tsuna the Lion, "'Yeah, we'll be okay if Lambo's here to protect us and not the meany Reborn!'" An incredibly high-pitched squeal was used for his favourite aunt, whose rubber duck squeaked along, "'Yeah! 'Cause Lambo's the bestest ever! He's better than the scary school monster!'" School monster? Who was...oh. Stifling back an evil giggle, Lucrezia leaned against the doorframe and watched her nephew indulgently while he never even noticed she was there.

"Let's go to Lac d'Annecy!" Shouted Lambo, naming a lake in France where his 'eternally young' grandmother had rented a 'quaint' (as in, huge) cottage. The family had spent some time vacationing there when Lambo was about two. "Up here!" Plopping the toys on top of the bath's rim, he began to hum something suspiciously like a dirge, "'Oh, no! A sea monster!'" 'Lucrezia' squeaked as the duck fell into the water, "'Help me, Lambo!You're my only hope!'

"Of course I'll save you! Chaaaaarge!" The cow went flying into the water, splashing droplets of water everywhere as he slammed it again and again into the bath, presumably with a wicked grin, "Ha! Take that evil monster! Lambo saved the day!"

Bobbing along in the water, 'Lucrezia' was obviously delighted. "'Hurray, Lambo is the best!'"

'Tsuna' agreed, "'I think Lambo should be my new right-hand man!''

Out of Lambo's voluminous afro appeared the blonde aunt's treasured Kilala plushie. Treasured because it was once given to her by a fellow anime fan in New York, a young man by the name of Roger. Roger and her shared a brief innocent love until they were brutally pulled apart by the fact that Lucrezia was the granddaughter of an ineffectual Mafia boss and loved all things technological and enjoyed programming, and Roger used Mac computers.

Their choice of operating systems was too large a gulf to bridge.

He could've at least used Ubuntu.

But nevertheless, Lambo had the Kilala plushie out and dangerously close to the water. And apparently, it was going to represent Gokudera.

"'RAWR!'" Cried 'Gokudera' from the edge of the tub, "'I'm the Tenth's right hand man!'"

But the others were having none of it. "'Too bad, Stupid-dera! Lambo is my right-hand now! Ha!'" Roared the lion in the tub.

This seemed to deeply affect 'Gokudera'. He sadly shuffled towards the water. "'My life is meaningless,'" he moaned, "'I might as well end it all.'" He was risen up into the air by a small childl's hand and was about to be plunged into the water...

SNATCH!

"DAMN IT LAMBO!" Shrieked Lucrezia, Kilala plushie in hand and face red with anger, "DON'T TOUCH MY COLLECTIBLES AND _GIVE ME BACK MY GLASSES_!" In a sweeping movement, she grabbed her nephew by the collar of his onesie and held him up squalling as she shook him.

"I DON'T HAVE THEM!"

"LIIIIIES!"

Nana's calm voice floated up the stairs. "Lambo! 'Crezia! Come down for breakfast!"

The instant his aunt dropped him, Lambo rocketed down the stairs, laughing like a crazed monkey as he took the steps two at a time. Lucrezia followed him slowly, rolling her eyes at the sound of crashing plates.

Of course, it was something of a surprise to reach the kitchen door and find I-Pin shouting at Lambo in whatever Chinese dialect it was while Tsuna mopped at his head, Lambo stared with wide eyes and Reborn translated for them.

"'It's a broccoli monster'."

Cackling in her wicked and sadistic way, Lucrezia pulled out her camera and snapped a picture of the shocked face of Lambo instead of scolding I-Pin for rudeness, ignoring the fact that she was probably the worst aunt in existence.

Despite Tsuna saying that it was okay, Lambo suddenly whipped up his arms and struck a goofy pose, eye bugging out of his eyes. "I am a monster!"

While the two children began to play fight, Nana walked into the kitchen with her jacket on. "Tsuna, 'Crezia, watch the children, okay? I'm going to a piano recital with my friend."

Reborn made the promise for the two complaining teenagers, silencing them and waving Nana off. When Tsuna whined about having to do his remedial homework with Yamamoto, a small buzzer went off in her head. Didn't she have some for Literature...? The entrance of Yamamoto and Gokudera freed her of such disturbing thoughts.

"Yo. I brought along some assistance." Was Yamamoto's greeting as they came through the doorway.

"Just dropping by." Gokudera almost managed a smooth entrance, but Lucrezia was having none of it.

The strawberry blonde put her fists on her hips and glowered at the other half-Italian. "Hey, you! Was it you I heard crawling around outside last night? At like, three?"

The bomber's face went a very obvious shade of pink. "N-no! I wasn't- I-!" Staring at the group with a panicked expression, he threw himself at the feet and mercy of his boss. "TENTH! I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to invade your privacy! I was just trying to keep you safe from assassins! I'm so sorry!"

"Ha ha, he _invaded_ your _privacy_."

"SHUT UP 'CREZIA!" Tsuna dragged the guys upstairs before Lucrezia could harass Gokudera some more. Sighing she wandered off to find set up her game, deciding to at least totally kick that annoying OutRun game's ass.

As she began a race, the children entered, I-Pin shouting Chinese and Lambo pretending to be a terrible monster, fighting all over the room. A twitch began under Lucrezia's eyes, growing in intensity as pillows began flying around the room and the shouting grew louder. Finally, the noise of the children, the blurry vision and the frustrating game made the American snap.

"Go upstairs. _Now_." She hissed at the troublesome two. They both stared at her in fear as she loomed over them darkly, "And _never_ come back!" When their eyes began to tear up, she relented tiredly. "Alright, go play with Tsuna and come back if you find my glasses."

They ran out the room, leaving the teenager in peace. Squinting her eyes at the television screen, she furrowed her brow and began to play a new game, determined to beat the game, fuzzy vision or no.

* * *

The only reason she left the room was because of the explosion.

The loud boom that sounded ominously like that of the Ten Year Bazooka coaxed Lucrezia away from trying to fix her broken controller, which had been damaged in a moment of extreme rage against the racing game in which she finished last every time. Not that she could do much anyways, since she couldn't see. Pulling herself up, she dragged her feet up the stairs to Tsuna's room, prepared to see her older nephew whining about the timing.

Instead, she found a very pretty Chinese girl sheepishly waving away Tsuna's 'flattery'. No one noticing her, Lucrezia watched as who she assumed to be an older I-Pin explained that she gave up being a hitman and had her master seal away her explosive power that could only be unlocked with a trigger word.

Smiling to herself, the blonde felt some pride. Even though she found herself more and more involved in the Mafia, she was glad that I-Pin, like Lucezia's own mother, had chosen to live a clean life.

Until Lambo started shouting again.

And I-Pin spoke the nickname of Broccoli Monster in horror.

And strange dots began appearing on her forehead.

Lucrezia plastered herself to the wall beside the doorway as a stampede booked it out of there, Lambo in Tsuna's arms and Yamamoto being pushed out by Gokudera. The silver-haired bomber glanced back to his fellow Italian and grabbed her by the wrist dragging her along. "Are you an idiot?" He shouted at her, "The Mahjong Bomb is about to-!"

The explosion threw them back, rattling the walls and knocking pictures and vases to the floor, and furniture out of lines as small bits of the ceiling fell onto their heads. The rough carpet under Lucrezia's elbows scratched the skin raw as she covered her head as her ears rung with the sound of the explosion. Nearby, were the boys, Tsuna's hand keeping Lambo down as Yamamoto grinned at the others and Gokudera watched his boss with the utmost concern.

And then, finally, the rattling ceased.

The Vongolas and Bovinos cast their eyes about the room in concern, not sure if it was quite safe yet to move. A squeaking at the top of the stairs made them jump, whipping around to see a sheepish five year old I-Pin and Reborn beside him- _her_, Lucrezia corrected herself - a strange wing-like device on his back. Eyeing them with an irritating smirk, he decided to cast some light on what had just happened.

"It appears that the older I-Pin has learned to restrain herself from causing multitudes of damage," the fedora-wearing toddler told them, "Though the damage to Tsuna's room is quite severe, the rest of the town will simply believe that they experienced a bad earthquake."

The spiky-haired Vongola boss's jaw dropped. "My room?" He squeaked, "But- my- our- we were doing our remedial homework up there!" He, along with Yamamoto and Gokudera, bolted up the stairs to check the damage.

Lambo crawled onto his aunt's lap, sobbing and rubbing his nose which had gotten squashed against the floor. Lucrezia absentmindedly pat his head as I-Pin shamefacedly walked towards the older girl, head bowed in apology. Rolling her eyes at the children's antics, she pulled the Chinese girl close and murmured soothing words to her and the cow print loving toddler on her lap.

* * *

_Dear Mama,_

_We have yet another addition to household. A Chinese girl named I-Pin. She's Lambo's age, so now that gets him out of mine Tsuna's hair. Hurray! She's also taken to calling me Zia 'Crezia, so I guess she's my new niece. And I lost my glasses, but I have my prescription so I'll pick up new ones tomorrow._

_Yours,_

_Lucrezia

* * *

_

"Herbivore, I never agreed to this."

With a pout, Lucrezia glanced back at the prefect she was dragging along behind her. "Well too bad. Tsuna got kidnapped by Haru, Bianchi's busy, Kyoko and Hana are busy, everyone else is an idiot and I need someone to help me pick out my new glasses 'cause I can't really see!" Judging by the look on his face, he had tuned all that out and was just focused on being miserable the entire time. The blonde sighed and pulled him into the glasses shop. "And I'll buy you something, in thanks." She ignored his grumbling.

Earlier that morning, Lucrezia had almost had Tsuna going with her. She spent most of breakfast trying to convince him.

"C'mon, TsuTsu, I can't go alone!" She'd complained, "I might pick out some ugly style 'cause of my fuzzy vision and then I'll be stuck with it forever!"

"Or just until you lose them again." Pointed out the brunet teasingly.

Unfortunately, thanks to the rice and egg she'd just put in her mouth, Lucrezia could only manage a rude gesture in his direction. Once she swallowed, though, she continued nattering at him until he finally agreed, mentioning that there was a CD he wanted anyway. But just as they were getting ready to go out, Haru had swooped in and informed them all that she would be taking Tsuna with her shopping and whisked him out the door before 'Crezia could object. The duck-haired girl would've been grumpier, but Haru had spared a moment to squee over how cute Lucrezia was without her glasses, so there were no hard feelings.

After that, she'd asked Bianchi to go with her, but the older Italian had flipped her hair over her shoulder and declared that she was going to be working on a secret new technique. A quick phone call to both Kyoko and Hana had Kyoko nervously say she busy and hang up, while Hana had plans to go visit her grandparents. That left Gokudera, who was a jerk and she didn't know how to find him anyways, Yamamoto, who wouldn't be very helpful and probably say that everything looked nice, Ryohei, an idiot, and Hibari.

So she found herself barging into Hibari's house around eleven and, finding him dressed in his uniform, because he had been intending to go to the school, grabbed him by the sleeve and somehow dragging him off shopping. How she escaped with her life was a mystery.

Back at the shop, Lucrezia put on a pair of round Harry Potter-style frames and smiled at the grumpy prefect, who scrunched up his nose. The instant they had walked in, the shop-owner paled and nearly had a heart-attack at the sight of Hibari, but managed to pull himself together long enough to squeak out a greeting and offer his help. As soon as Lucrezia had mentioned that she was just going to browse a bit before buying, the owner disappeared to the back, leaving the two alone in the shop.

Putting away the round frames, Lucrezia picked up a pair of light blue oval glasses. "So, are you infamous in every shop here, or...?"

Hibari once again frowned at the glasses before answering. "Most of businesses here know me. This place is simply where I've purchased my own glasses."

"_You_ wear glasses?" Lucrezia asked incredulously as she continued down the row.

"Just for reading."

Cocking her head, the Italian-American tried to imagine him wearing glasses, only to burst into giggles at the thought. "How come I've never managed to catch you wearing them?" She asked him playfully.

If looks could kill, Lucrezia would be joining all of her former cellphones, laptops and other related gadgets in the special heaven for technophiles. She was just surprised that he hadn't walked out yet. "I don't wear them at the school," the prefect scornfully told her, "Only at home."

"I'll just have to sneak up on you, then~!"

"I'd like to see you try."

They lapsed back into silence, Hibari staring ahead intently as Lucrezia tried on frames after frames, each time discarding them in distaste. Clear ones, mottled, rimless, neon pink (actually managing to get a quiet scoff from Hibari), but she couldn't find any that she particularly liked. Finally, after trying on a pair of bejeweled cat eye glasses, a hand holding a pair appeared in front of her.

"These ones." Hibari muttered, forcing them into her hands and walking away.

Lucrezia glanced at him in surprise before holding up the glasses and putting them on, peering into one of the mirrors that were placed between racks.

"...These are exactly the same as my old ones." They were the usual black square style, slightly larger than other types, and balanced nicely above her nose ring.

"Is there a problem with that?"

Smiling to herself, she took them off and strolled up to the desk. "No, I suppose not."

* * *

The two sat together in a cafe at a table near the shop's window, Lucrezia treating him as part of her thank you. The other part was a trip to the bookstore afterward, as apparently some novel Hibari wanted was out, to her surprise. She did owe him though, since he had managed to terrify the owner of the shop into having the glasses ready in two days, rather than the usual five. And, of course, she was never to speak of this day to anyone, under threat of being bitten to death (damn, she'd been hoping to go the entire time without hearing him say that). But nevertheless, she found herself enjoying the outing. It was almost like a date.

Except that she was with Hibari, so it could never be considered as such, only as him humoring the idiot foreigner.

Actually, him humoring _anyone_ was just weird.

Lucrezia pushed past those thoughts, sipping at her espresso. A few minutes a go, Hibari had spotted some 'unfinished business' and had dragged off a few boys out the backdoor of the cafe, leaving Lucrezia behind. At least she could count on him coming back later, since his tea was only half-finished and she was buying him stuff.

Damn, now she felt like the boyfriend of some gold-digger, being used solely for her wallet.

...Actually, that was probably exactly what was happening.

Damn.

Sighing to herself, she rested her head on her hands and stared out the window, watching the people go by and trying guess which OS a person would use.

_Ahhh, that one there is a Windows, look at that suit. Oh, that guy, with the ridiculous hat, he would probably use a Mac. And as for her, Linux, probably the Debian distribution_, _and... oh. OH._

Running down the street, heads ablaze and blankets wrapped around them, suggesting that there was very little underneath, were Haru and Kyoko. Behind them, Tsuna, Reborn and I-Pin tried to catch up, Tsuna shouting all the while for the girls to stop.

They all ran right past Lucrezia's window, not even noticing her.

A moment later, the duck-haired girl heard the shattering of glass down the street and Tsuna's anguished wail following after. She considered going out to see what she could do, but that was when Hibari returned, apparently not having heard the destruction, and sat down, informing her that as soon as he was finished his tea, they would go to the bookstore, purchase his novel, and then he would leave and she preferably never go near him again.

Rolling her eyes at him, she sipped her coffee. _Screw Tsuna and them. Vongola can cover their own damn bills_.

* * *

_Dear Mama,_

_Sorry, my new glasses look exactly like my old ones. I dragged out Hibari and so he selected them, not me. But all the others were ugly anyways, so whatever. And, just to head you off, YES, I dragged Hibari shopping with me, and NO, he is not my boyfriend now. I'm just lucky I escaped with my life._

_Yours,_

_Lucrezia_

_P.S. I-Pin says she would be happy to consider you her grandmother. Old lady.

* * *

_Tink! Tink! Tink!

"My goodness, Lucrezia!" Nana couldn't help but smile, somewhat unnerved as she watched all of Lucrezia's change fall into the jar, "If you keep this up, we might be able to afford a weekend away for all of us!"

"Yeah, yeah," muttered the strawberry-blonde, tossing the last of her coins in the Swear Jar, "Now hold on, I need to get four thousand yen out of my room, I tripped in Phys Ed. yesterday..."

* * *

**At last, it is finished! Hurray! **

**And, if you're interested, a friend of mine drew Lucrezia for me~**

**http:/ itsmikuru (dot) deviantart (dot) com /art/Commission-1-179716770**

**Hope you enjoyed it!  
**


	7. Chiavarone, Nosocomephobia and Mama

**Merry Christmas yesterday, everyone. Hope you're enjoying whatever holiday you're celebrating and getting great presents! (I finally got a cell phone and received two lovely tonfas. Boo ya, folk!)  
**

**I don't own KHR.

* * *

**

**Chapter Seven: ****Chiavarone, Nosocomephobia and Mama**

**

* * *

**_Dear Mama,_

_Tell Jeff thank you for the game. Please don't come to Japan. Please. Please. Please._

_Yours,_

_Lucrezia

* * *

_

"Forgive me," Nana's voice trembled, "I don't have anything for dinner tonight."

The room went utterly silent. Not even a whisper of a breath was leaked out - the shock on the faces of Nana's wards spoke volumes as it was. Could it be possible that there was nothing to eat? It didn't seem right. There was always food on the old wooden table at the Sawada's, be it Nana's home-cooking, Lucrezia's attempts to make a snack, or Bianchi's experiments, the table was rarely empty.

The stunned silence was interrupted by the clattering of bowls to the floor.

"You guys are here, too?" Tsuna cried out at the sight of I-Pin and Lambo's devastated faces.

Her hand up to her hair in distress, Nana continued on. "I think my purse was stolen. I hear there's been a lot of pickpockets and purse snatchers around hear lately." She sighed heavily, "I tried to be careful, but it's hard to both shop and watch out for..."

In a single instant, the room's assassins were prepared. Reborn whipped out his pistol, I-Pin went into a stance, Lambo retrieved a grenade out of his afro and Bianchi prepared her jello of doom before moving as one towards the door, declaring the imminent death of the fool who dared deprive them of their dinner. In contrast, Tsuna was simply freaking out about their attitudes while Lucrezia, slumped in her chair, casually pulled out her cellphone, scrolling through her contacts. Finally, Tsuna shouted out that he would give them his instant noodles.

The mood changed immediately.

"I'll take pork."

"Miso for me."

"I want seafood."

"Chicken for me and I-Pin~!" Lucrezia ordered cheerfully, flicking her phone shut and translating the Chinese girl's words. She had found out from Reborn that it was simply regular Mandarin and had set about to learning it. Languages were easy for her, at least, as long as she didn't have to learn to write them.

A smiling Reborn approached the family matron, Leon clutching at the brim of the toddler's fedora. "Don't worry, Mama," the hitman told her, "As of tomorrow, we'll protect we'll protect you from pickpockets and other scoundrels."

Happily accepting, Nana went to start preparing Tsuna's noodles as her son objected, though he was silenced quickly by the re-appearance of Reborn's guns. Lucrezia sidled up to Nana, one of her cards in hand as she began to make her excuses. Pouring the water into a kettle, the Sawada cut her off.

"Don't worry, 'Crezia, I'm sure that you wouldn't be able to do much anyways, with the others around."

Blinking in surprise, Lucrezia reached back to ruffle up her hair a bit. "Uh, yeah, I guess so. Here, you can use this, since your money was taken." She held up the plastic card between her fingers and offered it to the older woman, "I'm pretty sure Bianchi has figured out how to forge my signature anyways, judging by her new bike... and shoes... and general clothing..." Awkwardly she stepped back, "So, uh, yeah. Feel free to use it."

Nana clapped her hand to her cheek and looked down at Lucrezia in the 'Aww, you're so cute and sweet' way that adults who aren't related to you like to use. "Oh, thank you 'Crezia! Here, could you put the tea on?"

A few moments later, after doing what she was asked, the American sat down next to a resigned Tsuna at the table, a strange look on her face.

"Tsuna, I'm pretty sure your mom called me useless."

"Probably because you are."

"Shut up, jackass, I know where you sleep."

* * *

The next day, as Lucrezia was contentedly jamming at the buttons of her new Halo game (finally sent by her step-father), the doorbell rang. With a vicious growl, she paused Campaign mode and stalked off to the door, ready to bitch out whoever it was that interrupted her game.

As she opened the door, a salesman with short black her and glasses smiled cheerfully at her. "Hello, young lady, I am here to sell educational materials that will dramatically improve your grades. Is your mother or father home... by any..." He began to trail off as he saw her face, "... chance?"

Breathing heavily, Lucrezia clutched at the door frame, her twitching violently as she stared down the salesman with a venomous eye. "Are you suggesting," she hissed, "that my grades are not already _perfect_?" The man began to back away as she rose like a cobra about to strike, "I WENT TO ONE OF THE TOP PRIVATE SCHOOLS IN NEW YORK, HAD ONE OF THE BEST MATH SCORES IN THE STATE FOR MY AGE GROUP AND YOU _DARE_ TO TRY AND SELL ME EDUCATIONAL MATERIALS WHILE I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF A CAMPAIGN?" Jabbing her finger at him, she glowered evilly, "The one who could possibly use your materials will return in approximately two hours. Now leave and never speak to me again!"

Watching the man scurry away to her amusement, she shut the door and returned to her video game, happy and secure in the knowledge that she'd probably never see that man again.

* * *

"Tsuna, is there a man who's trying to sell educational crap coughing up poison in the bathroom?"

"...Yeah."

"Ah. Tell Bianchi to do a better job next time."

"Heartless monster."

"Wimp."

* * *

_Dear Mama,_

_Please excuse all of the sudden expenses on my card. Nana's purse got stolen so I had to lend her the card, and Bianchi's been stealing it to buy stuff online, and then Tsuna was arrested for running around in his underwear so I had to bail him out. It's all Reborn's fault, by the way. Totally his. So please don't cancel my card, it would be mean and hurtful. I'm using it for good, honest. Also, please don't come to Japan.  
_

_Yours,_

_Lucrezia_

_P.S.: Seriously, don't cancel it. I need it prepped for when Doctor Who starts up again in March (OMGSQUEEYAY) and all the merchandise comes out.

* * *

_

The men standing outside of the Sawada house appeared very intimidating in their black suits and dangerous scowls. The blonde Italian-American was very much not in the mood for this nonsense after having to serve a detention for ninja-ing into the Reception Room and trying to steal back her confiscated cellphone. Hibari, upon catching her, did not continue into heavy petting as fanfics she'd read on the internet implied would happen, but smacked her with a tonfa and gave her detention. She didn't even get to serve it with _him_ but had to work with his second-in-command, Kusakabe. So having a stare down with mafiosos when all you want to do is go home and brutally murder people on the internet is not what she had in mind.

"I live here," she hissed at the bald man in her way. He didn't appear to be very impressed with her scrawny stature and duck-hair, so she tried again. "I've lived here for six months.'

The man again tried to turn her away. "Only Sawadas can pass through here."

Straightening up, she fixed him with the evilest glare she could muster. "I am Lucrezia James, potential heir to the Bovino family, and I live here! Now move!"

All of the men stared at her in surprise. It seemed at first that they would finally move for her. Until...

"The Bovino family? Who's that?"

God damn it.

Before she was given the chance to lay into them and explain the precise points of how she would shove their heads into their asses in an anatomically correct manner, there was a sudden flurry of movement as a blond man in a parka leapt out the window, a whip in hand. With a flick of his wrist, he sent the long leather strip at a pair of grenades, flinging them into the air with ease as he landed among the men, the grenades exploding behind them. The mafiosos all applauded the young man's act as he brushed them off, chuckling lightly.

Lucrezia was _not_ impressed.

She was even less impressed when the man was invited by Reborn to stay the night. Flipping a rude gesture towards the mafioso who had been blocking her way, 'Crezia stalked towards the new guy, intending to give him a proper talking to about some of the up-and-coming families in the Cosa Nostra, but she was interrupted by Reborn calling them both inside. Turning back, the two blondes stared at eachother, one in surprise, the other in slight contempt.

Dino was the first to recover, trotting over to her and kissing her on each cheek, the Italian way. "It's a pleasure to meet you," he spoke smoothly in his native Italian, grinning slightly, "My name is Dino. I'm the tenth generation boss of the Chiavarone family."

One of Lucrezia's eyebrows shot up. "I've heard of you from my sister," she responded in kind, more at ease now that she had some proof that he wasn't just some crazy awesome guy here to steal the show, "Stella Primo? You went to the same academy. I'm Lucrezia James-"

"You're Stella's little sister?" His slight grin suddenly rocketed across his face, widening hugely, "Damn, I used to have a huge crush on your sister!" Swinging his arm around her shoulder, he began to guide her back towards the house. "How is she now? I haven't seen her since she graduated!"

Shifting uncomfortably under his arm, Lucrezia leaned away a bit. "Enh. She got married, had a kid. Her son, Lambo, was the one with the grenades."

"Huh. No kidding." They paused in the entrance hall to take off their shoes. "Stella always was pretty hair trigger. Gorgeous, but hair trigger." He waved good-bye to the last of his men as they walked out the door, leaving him in the care of Reborn and the Sawadas. As he stepped up to the floor, he glanced back at Lucrezia, seeing if she was behind him, only to slip on the floor and fall backwards, smacking his head loudly on the ground before Lucrezia's feet.

_Well, what do you know, the stories Stella would tell me are true, _thought the American as she casually stepped over him, grabbing her pair of slippers along the way, _he IS totally useless_.

* * *

Of course, the peace between them was not to last.

"Tsuna is _my_ little brother, you dolt!" The Bovino girl shouted, tossing cooking chopsticks at the Italian boss.

Luckily for the klutz, she missed by a mile, not forcing him to try and dodge. "But you can't be my little sister!" He objected over her growls, "I had a crush on your sister! That would make it incest!"

"Too bad!"

With a heavy sigh, Tsuna slumped forward onto the table. Sure, it had all gone swell in the beginning, the two having mutual acquaintances, ("Squalo? The albino shark dude? He's in the Varia now." "I knew I hated that douche for a reason.") but it had begun to turn ugly after Dino called Tsuna his little brother. Apparently, 'Crezia didn't take to kindly to people claiming her own 'siblings' as theirs, which would probably be why a frying plan was flying over Tsuna's head at the moment. Finally, Reborn decided to step in and end it.

"Both of you idiots shut up. Lucrezia, Dino is now yours and Tsuna's older brother. Accept it."

The two blondes both pouted, the American giving a 'tch' as she sat down at the table and the Italian whining about incest. Both of them were silenced as Nana set down the dinner in front of them, the decorated bowls of rice replacing their mutterings. After calling the younger children down for dinner and fruitlessly searching for Bianchi, they all dug in following the traditional 'Itadakimasu'.

After swallowing a white clump of rice, Dino turned his attention to Tsuna. "Go ahead, ask me anything," he offered casually to the younger boss, "You are my 'younger brother'." A sharp and dangerous clicking of Lucrezia's chopsticks forced him to back pedal. "Well, mine and 'Crezia's."

"Damn straight, boy."

While Tsuna stuttered, Dino forged ahead. "So, have you started building a family?"

To save time, Reborn took over. "Yes, there's Gokudera, and Yamamoto. Hibari and Sasagawa are prospects."

"They're my friends and schoolmates!" Tsuna objected.

Glowering at them, Lucrezia crossed her arms, sulking. She wanted Hibari to help her take over the Bovino family from her aunts someday, not join the Vongola. It wasn't fair. Slowly, she returned to her food, numerous plots rolling into her mind at how to keep him for herself.

While Lucrezia plotted, a thought crossed Tsuna's mind. "Reborn, why'd you come to me?" The Vongola boss queried, "You'd have been far better off with Dino."

Dino chimed in to explain. "The Vongola are the main pillar of our alliance of families. The other families follow Vongola's lead. Their boss is headman over us all."

"What? The Vongola is that influential?"

"Yep." Reborn proudly nodded, while Tsuna whimpered out his fear.

A look of concern flashed over Nana's face as she watched the Chiavarone boss. "Oh, Dino, you're..." She sighed heavily, "Too late you've spilled your food."

Everyone glanced over to his plate. Half of the rice seemed to have missed his mouth and wound up cluttering the table instead. The fish lay sprawled across it's own dish, while tofu pieces and puddles of miso soup littered about, as Dino's chopsticks appeared to be stabbing into a clump of noodles. Only Reborn was unaffected by the mess. Lucrezia and I-pin inched away from him on his right while Tsuna voiced his surprise.

"Without his men, Dino is a total klutz," explained the Vongola's toddler hitman, "He's the type who can only shine in the presence of his family or while on family business. Left to himself, his physical abilities drop dramatically."

Tsuna's eyes widened in shock. "You mean, he has the ultimate boss disposition?"

Beside him, Dino groaned. "Reborn always has to tell it his way," he complained, "The thing is, I normally use a knife and fork, so I'm not much good with chopsticks. That's all." A pointed cough from Lucrezia, who was covering her smirk with her hand, earned her a glare, "Hey! I haven't been living here for half a year!"

"No, no," snickered the American as Tsuna was asking Reborn why he lied and Nana left to prepare the bath, "It's just... I've heard stories about you from Stella," she explained, "So I have to call you on this crap."

The mafia bosses face paled. "She... she didn't tell you about Valentines Day, did she?"

Before Lucrezia could let out more than a wicked laugh, Nana's scream of terror ripped through the house. At the table, everyone leapt to their feet.

And then, in Dino's case, fell over.

"Geez! Are you okay?" Worry was etched into the Vongola bosses face as he watched his 'older brother' pull himself up.

"I tripped over my own feet..."

Reborn smiled up at Tsuna. "You see? He's a klutz."

"The bath!" Shrieked the Sawada matron as she bolted into the kitchen.

The mafiosos ran towards the bath, slamming the door open. A giant turtle looked up from chomping at the porcelain bath to send a loud roar at them all. As Tsuna entered his panic mode, Dino sighed in exasperation. "I seem to have let Enzio wander off a bit."

"THAT'S YOUR TURTLE?"

With an amused look, Reborn explained the situation. Enzio was a spongy snapper, a breed of turtle that expands when they absorb water. The more water absorbed, the more vicious they become, to the point that if they get big enough, they could eat a house. This did not console Tsuna.

The Vongola boss was almost pulling out his hair. "House? My house?" Beside him, there was a strange clicking noise and series of bright flashes. A glance over revealed that Lucrezia was smiling like an idiot and snapping as many pictures as she could with a digital camera. "LUCREZIA!"

The American turned her glowing face towards him. "I'm thinking of starting a blog. These pictures can be my first post!"

"You're not helping!"

I-Pin moved in front of them, gyoza bun in hand and speaking Chinese. Before anyone could translate for her, the child hitman attacked, only to watch in shock as it simply bounced off of the turtle's hide.

"Turtles can hold their breath for a long time." Reborn noted to Tsuna's shock.

Moving past Tsuna and Lucrezia, Dino took the lead. "Stand back," the blond told them, "I don't want anyone doing a thing. If I couldn't take care of my own pet, I'd be an embarassment to the Chiavarone family." With his whip in hand, he flicked it toward his rowdy animal. "Behave, Enzio!"

Instead of swinging forwards, the leather whip wheeled backwards, striking Tsuna's forehead. "OW!"

"Sorry! It slipped!" Apologised Dino.

"Embarrassment." Muttered Lucrezia under her breath, angling the camera to include the older Mafia boss. When I-Pin pulled at her sock, catching the older girl's attention, the little Chinese girl scolded her in rapid Mandarin. The Italian-American held up her hands in surrender. "Sorry, sorry, I didn't mean it."

Again, Dino tried to rein in his turtle. This time, it didn't just hit Tsuna but ricocheted around the room.

"OW!"

"EEK!"

Block!

"MY CAMERA!"

Dino kneeled down to the kid's levels to apologise as gibberish spewed out of Lucrezia's mouth and she picked up the pieces of her camera woefully. Every little piece was picked up, even the smallest piece of plastic. Finally, holding them in her cupped hands, she turned towards the mafia bosses, tears in her eyes as they looked up from using the blow dryer on Enzio. She sniffled a bit, wiping her nose with a finger.

"Tsu-Tsuna..." Her voice wobbled, "I need a ca-cardboard box for the burial."

His jaw dropped. "It's just a camera!"

"Bu-but it was _my_ camera!"

* * *

_Dear Mama,_

_Have to use a public bath. Not happy. Camera is broken. Forcing the culprit to pay. Too tired for full sentences._

_Yours,_

_Lucrezia_

_PS: Don't come to Japan.  
_

* * *

The half-Italian dragged Tsuna out the door. Apparently, Tsuna had slept in, worn out by the turtle business and it took the combined forces of Reborn's 'special' alarm clock and the younger kids being given Nana's pots and pans and sugar to wake him up. After grabbing a piece of toast, the two called out their good-byes to his mother and left the house.

A crowd of black-suited men greeted them. Dino's men were quite happily polishing the barrels of their guns. It was a very ominous beginning to a morning.

Romario stepped forward. "Buon giorno, Vongola heir, er..." Pausing, he eyed Lucrezia, who had crossed her arms, waiting with a raised eyebrow, "...Signorina Bovino."

Pouting, Lucrezia turned to Tsuna, poking him lightly. "Tsuuuunaaaa, he called me a cow!"

The teenage boy sighed. "It's too early in the morning to listen to you whine."

"...When did you become so mean?"

Behind them, door opened, an exhausted Dino holding onto the frame for support. "What do you guys want?" He mumbled tiredly, "I didn't ask you guys to come over this morning."

They all nodded. "That's right boss, you didn't," agreed Romario, "I just... went for a walk and ended up here." A chorus of similar excuses joined in, despite Dino protesting the idea that they walked all the way over from their hotel.

"Good morning, boss!" Apparently, Gokudera was just as eager to see his boss in the morning as the other mafioso, to the point that he used the exact same excuse. Beside Tsuna, Lucrezia cocked her head in bewilderment, staring intently at the bomber's mouth until he blushed, "Wh-what are you looking at?"

The female half-Italian squinted her eyes. "How did you do that?"

"Do what?"

Jabbing her finger at him, she shouted, "Your cigarette! When you opened your mouth, it fell out, but then it was _right there between your teeth_! How did you do that?"

"Don't ask such stupid questions!" Turning back to his boss, he tried to ignore the strawberry-blonde, "Boss, who are these guys?"

"And you told me not to ask stupid questions."

"SHUT UP, YOU-!"

This time, Dino intervened. "Well, if it ain't Mr. Smoking Bomb. Nice to meet you."

The wannabe right-hand-man eyed up the newbie. "That tattoo... you're Bucking Horse Dino!"

Everyone chose to ignore Lucrezia's immature giggling in the back.

The cheerful and vibrant voice of Yamamoto split the air. "Tsuna! Gokudera! 'Crezia!" Throwing his arms around the guys, he squished Lucrezia in the middle, "Whatcha hanging around here for? You're going to be late!" Glancing back at Dino, he sent the young boss a friendly grin and greeting before dragging off his friends.

Down the road, the mafia brats were bouncing stories off each other about the Chiavarone boss. While Lucrezia was happy to tell second-hand tales of his school years, Gokudera focused on his more recent accomplishments. Apparently, Dino was an astute businessman as well. He had dug out his family from under piles of debt and brought them to their current high status in the mafia alliance. Though the silver-haired boy quickly amended himself - he didn't like the Bucking Horse, because anyone older than him was an enemy.

Boredly, Lucrezia pulled out her cellphone an began texting Jasmine. It was fun, sending her text messages across the international date line. It was like time travel in her cellphone!

A black car with tinted windows spun around the corner at high speed, screeching to a halt beside Tsuna. To the shock of both Gokudera and Yamamoto, a rope was whipped out the open window, wrapping itself around Tsuna while the car drove off, leaving the three students behind, the boys calling out after their boss.

"That car belongs to the Momokyo-kai, the yakuza who control this area." Reborn's voice drifted over the three. While the guys turned to face him, Lucrezia continued to text. "You junior high students wouldn't stand a chance against them. They're tough, they're ruthless, and they're adults. Let the cops handle this, why don't you?"

But they were off in an instant.

"Yeah, like we'd leave it up to them!" Shouted Gokudera as he ran after the vehicle.

Yamamoto was hot on his heels. "You call 'em, 'Crezia! We're off!"

The girl barely glanced at them. "Huh? Yeah, sure."

Behind her and Reborn, a car silently pulled up. "I like those guys," Dino told his old tutor while Tsuna was rolled out of the car, still wrapped in ropes, "Rescuing Tsuna's the only thing that concerns them. Not too bright, but their instincts and reactions are sound."

"What's the big idea, Dino?" Cried Tsuna as he was untied, very displeased with how his morning was turning out.

"Sorry, sorry," Apparently Dino apologised as much as a Canadian, "We're just testing your family."

The Chiavarone men waved good-bye as Tsuna tried to comprehend what had just occurred. "Testing...? Wait! What's going to happen to my - my guys?"

"Nothing to worry about," the Italian brushed aside Tsuna's concerns, "There's no Momokyo-kai. Your guys will just run around until they run out of breath. You're a lucky guy, Tsuna, you know that? Your family really cares about their boss. Believe me, loyalty like that isn't easy to find." Messing up his hair, he grinned at Lucrezia, "Though I guess you're cleverer than those guys, 'Crezia."

"What?" The duck-haired girl shook her head, "No, no, I just don't give a damn."

"Aww, c'mon!"

It looked like Tsuna was trying his best not to be touched by his friend's actions. "Look, like keep saying, they're not family. They're my friends."

But, inevitably, Reborn's smiling face joined in and shot all their contentment to Hell. "Oh. I guess I forgot to mention that the Momokyo-kai are real, and they do dominate the underworld in this town."

Lucrezia rolled her eyes as Dino and Tsuna flipped out over it. At least Reborn had the right idea and nodded off to sleep to ignore them.

"It's up to us, then." Declared Dino, "Let's go, Tsuna!"

The younger boss jumped. "Go where?

"Your family ran to your rescue. Now it's your turn." He grabbed Tsuna's arms, overriding his objections, "It's okay, I'm going with you."

"Have fun." Murmured Lucrezia absently as she turned down another road to get to school. Hopefully it wasn't Hibari on gate duty...

But the other blond already had her by the arm. "Nice try, Bovina! You're coming too!"

"Ah- bu- Don't call me Bovina!"

* * *

Those boys were so silly. The only girl currently among them was content to sit outside the yakuza base, fiddling with the settings of her phone. Holding it up, she tried recording the sounds of what was happening inside.

"What're you doing, you moron!"

"Geez, dude, that hurt!"

"I know!"

Sighing with boredom, she played it back.

"Wahble yoddi yomon!"

"Geduth hur!"

"Inooow!"

She deleted it with a pout. The sound quality on her phone _sucked_. Maybe she could try and use the Ten Year Bazooka to send her forward in time, leave a ice little note telling her glorious future self to purchase a cell phone for her and that she would would be back at a certain time to pick it up. Lucrezia's eyes lit up at the plan. It was genius! Now all she needed to do was get the bazooka away from her annoying little nephew...

Three shots fired from across the street. Straining her eyes, Lucrezia caught a glance of a orange-banded fedora before it disappeared behind a billboard. By the noises now emitting from the hide-out, she assumed that Tsuna was in his Dying Will mode now and fighting with the rest of them.

Sharp thuds on the road had her glance back to see a number of Dino's men running up, apparently alerted by Reborn to the fight. She waved at them casually as they passed by, not paying her any attention. Guessing that she was no longer needed, she walked off, hoping to get to the school before lunch began.

Luckily, it was only a short walk. About fifteen minutes later, she was inside the schoolyard and strolling up to the doors, intending to break away and run if she saw any of the prefects and try not to get another detention.

And then she made the mistake of looking up.

There on the rooftop, glowering down at her with the force of a second sun, Hibari snarled at the tardy foreigner. Pulling out a small black object, he flicked it, allowing the steel tonfa to snap out and glint menacingly. With a significant look, he walked away briskly towards the door leading back down to the lower floors.

And her.

"Oh sh - snap!" She swore, and booked it towards her class's building, Hibari bursting out of the door behind her and hot on her heels.

* * *

_Dear Mama,_

_STAY IN NEW YORK WHERE YOU BELONG, WOMAN._

_Yours,_

_Lucrezia

* * *

_Chaos always seemed to follow at Dino's footsteps. It was probably a trait he'd picked up from his time with Reborn.

Of course, chaos tends to leave injured in it's wake, and so Tsuna wound up in the hospital with a broken leg after a poorly located training session went awry.

When Kyoko and Haru dragged her, I-Pin and Reborn out, they informed the three that they had an excellent plan to help Tsuna feel better in the hospital. Holding up a few bags, they showed off all of their hard work.

"No. Way." Lucrezia's eye twitched, "I am _not_ dressing up in that."

Both of the other girl's wore twin pouts. "C'mon, 'Crezia!" Kyoko tried to coerce her, "It'll be fun!"

Looking at her handiwork, Haru sighed. "Hahi... After Haru put her all into creating this for Lucrezia..." Beside her, I-Pin, already in her costume, chattered happily to Reborn, who had his on as well.

Lucrezia bit at her lip. "I guess... I can come with you guys..." She conceded, "But I won't dress up."

The others decided to take what they could get.

But when they reached the hospital, the Italian-American had to go back on her words. The white building stood there, harshly glowering under the sunlight peeking out from behind the thick grey clouds. She could feel her stomach turning and a drop of sweat going down her forehead. Fingers trembling, she clutched to Kyoko's outfit. The orange-haired girl glanced back, alarmed to see her friend's face achieve an icy pale shade.

"'Crezia!" She gasped, "What's wrong?"

"Hahi!" Shrieked Haru, "Quick, let's get her in there!"

Shaking her head, Lucrezia backed away, hiding behind a nearby wall so that she couldn't see the terrible place. "I'm sorry," she whimpered, slipping to the ground, "I can't handle hospitals. I hate them. It's been awhile since..." Pausing for a moment, she winced, "Since I was last in one, but... I can't do it. I'm sorry!"

While Reborn raised an eyebrow, the girls nodded in understanding. They made sure, though, that she waited there for them as they all went in. Resting her head against the cool stone of the wall, Lucrezia closed her eyes, only to have them flicker open at the sound of footsteps approaching. Kusakabe in the lead, the school's prefects (a number of whom she knew personally) entered the hospital's grounds. On the ground, Lucrezia watched them go by in confusion until the answer popped into her head.

Being chased by Hibari.

Hiding behind a water fountain.

Hibari hitting the water fountain with the tonfa, having the water explode and soak him while she made her escape.

The points all came together in her head. Apparently, Hibari was sick. Mostly because of her attempts to run away. Obviously, as he was her future boyfriend, this would not do.

She ran back home to grab an interesting little box of things that she had ordered over the internet. Returning to the hospital and preparing herself, she stepped onto hospital grounds and began to build what had been in the box.

Lambo had followed his aunt over. "Zia, Zia!" He called, tugging on her shirt sleeves as she prepped it, "What are you making? What're you making?"

An evil grin slid over her face as she finished. "A catapult." While she was setting it up, she had sent Lambo in to get a nurse so that she could find out which room Hibari was in (which took quite longer than she had hoped, since he and I-Pin had got into some mischief). That, along with picking up some medicine in a store, allowed her to finish proudly. Now all that was needed was to test it... "Lambo, come closer."

When her unwitting nephew was within reach, she quickly plopped him into the catapult cup and launched. For a few wondrous seconds, she watched her nephew soar through the air like a bird until his flight was cut short by the wall next to Hibari's window.

Frowning as her nephew slid down the wall back to the ground, Lucrezia made a few adjustments to it's position as I-Pin flew out the window, exploding like a firework behind the busy teen. 'Crezia glanced back, displeasure written all over her face as she made her plans to punish Tsuna for allowing I-Pin to explode. Lightly placing the medicine in the cup along with a card, she launched them right into Hibari's room.

* * *

Tsuna sighed in relief as he limped back to his bed. Thankfully, Lambo had disappeared somewhere and I-Pin's explosion hadn't managed to wake up the head prefect. As he slid into a bed, an object flew through the window, rattling along the floor as it landed.

A container of medicine.

As Hibari woke up and lurched towards him, Tsuna couldn't help but wish nothing but immense pain and humiliation on whoever had sent the dooming parcel.

* * *

_Dear Mama,_

_...See you tomorrow, then._

_Yours,_

_Lucrezia_

_PS: Nevermind, please, please, please stay in Tokyo!

* * *

_Lucrezia whimpered in the background as her mother entered the house, glancing around it with a benign smile while Jeff politely took off his shoes at the door, nudging his wife to do the same. Removing her pumps flippantly, she pranced into the kitchen, greeting Nana with kisses on the cheek and a wrapped box.

"You must be Mrs. Sawada!" Gushed Bella, "Thank you so much for taking care of my dear little grandson! Oh, and Lucrezia too." The older woman added as an after thought.

"Mama!" Objected her daughter, only to be silenced by her step-father patting her on the head in some condolence.

The former model continued on, blissfully unaware of her daughter's death glares. "And isn't this place just so sweet! It's so small!" A look of concern crossed Bella's face, "How do you manage to keep everyone here comfortably?"

Nana just smiled charmingly, apparently having taken heed to Lucrezia's earlier warnings. "It's a bit cramped, but we manage."

"Well," sighing, Bella brushed off her jacket, "It's be nice to get out of New York. After all, look at this place! It's so quaint!"

Behind her, Jeff facepalmed while Lucrezia began to repeatedly bang her head against the door frame. Bella obliviously continued on, complimenting the Sawada's in her condescending way.

"Sorry, sorry!" Apologised Jeff over and over again to Tsuna, Bianchi and Reborn, "She means well, really!"

"Yeah," Lucrezia growled, "She's just an idiot."

"That's not a nice thing to say about your mother. True, yes, but not nice."

With an annoyed look at her step-father, the Italian-American grabbed her mother by the sleeve and dragged her towards the door. "Okay, you know everyone, let's check out Namimori!"

"But I haven't-"

"Outside, Namimori, NOW!"

With a bemused Jeff following behind them, Lucrezia led her mother down the street, fuming all the way. "Do you know how embarrassing you are?" She hissed, "You come out here to Nana's home and immediately you begin to describe how 'quaint' and 'darling' it is, as if it were a dollhouse or something!"

With a pout not uncommon to the one her daughter's face, Bella turned her head away with a sniff. "In comparison to our home, it is a dollhouse."

Quickly, Lucrezia's step-father put himself between them in order to stop the younger girl from snapping back. "Hey, why don't we go to one of those internet cafes you'd mentioned? I could really go for a coffee right now!"

Both his wife and step-daughter glowered at him, understanding full well what he was trying to do. Nevertheless, they both settled down, allowing for him to take control of the conversation and draw them away from their earlier conversation.

The rest of the way to the coffee shop was interjected with discussions about the meetings in Tokyo that Jeff would be attending. His company was hoping to get the rights to some video games that he had been tipped off about by his step-daughter. Over their latte's and black coffee inside the cafe, Bella and Lucrezia managed a half-way decent conversation about transferring credits for Lucrezia's schooling. It was almost pleasant, until a dark shadow was cast over their backs.

"Lucrezia James," Growled Hibari, radiating irritation, "I need to speak with you about my literature grade."

"Ah!" Flailing about, she stood up, trying to distance the prefect from her parents, "Hi Hibari, er, yeah, I'll get that fixed up, so, I'll, ah, see you -"

"_This_ is _Hibari_?" Squealed Bella, leaping out of her seat. Paling, Lucrezia slumped back to her chair and watched as her mother enthusiastically greeted the boy. Bella grasped his hands and leaned in, kissing his cheeks in the Italian way. "Buon giorno! Oh, I am so happy to meet you! I've heard so much from 'Crezia!"

If Lucrezia didn't value her life so much, she would be snapping pictures of Hibari's face right then. The prefect had no idea of how to deal with the Italian woman towering over him, kissing his cheeks and speaking in rapid and horrible Japanese, mixed with English and her own mother-tongue. He pulled away, glaring at her in defense. Pausing to look at him, Bella's eyes lit up and she squealed again, pulling him into her arms and crushing his face, unfortunately, right into her breasts.

"He's so cuuuute~!" Glancing back at her husband, she smiled brightly, "Can we keep him, Jeff? Pleeeease?"

Minding his step-daughter's look of horror mixed with amusement, he shook his head. "Now, sweetie, we can't just snatch up anybody you think is cute," a grin similar to Lucrezia's appeared on his lips, "You'll have to wait until he's your son in law."

A pout gracing her scarlet mouth, Lucrezia's mother released him. "Fine." Wagging her finger in his face, Bella told the boy sternly, "Treat my daughter well, and no grandchildren until she's at least twenty!"

"Mama!" Wailed Lucrezia, her face bright red with embarrassment. Hibari, stumbling backwards, managed to fling one last glare at her before he stalked out of the cafe.

Sitting back down, Bella shook her head. "What a grumpy child. I hope your children get my temperament. So!" She glanced up blithely, not noticing the looks of horror that the other cafe patrons were sending her, "What now?"

"We're going to Tokyo for the holidays!" Lucezia shouted, face still burning, "And you're not coming back with me!"

A mother like hers was a dangerous thing to have.

* * *

**Oh, Bella. You're quite possibly my favourite now. :3**

**If anyone's interested, there's a poll up in profile. Just for fun~!  
**

**Hope you enjoyed, and have a happy new year!**


	8. Birthdays, Princes and Chocolates

**I did my best to get this out for Hibari's birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, OH GLORIOUS CLOUD-MAN!**

**Thank you to everyone for being so patient over the last four months! Please enjoy!**

**KHR belongs to Akira Amano.**

* * *

**Chapter Eight: Birthdays, Princes and Chocolates  
**

* * *

_Dear Mama,_

_I am never going to Tokyo Disneyland with you two ever again.  
_

_Also, Hibari is now avoiding me because of you._

_THANKS,_

_Lucrezia_

* * *

On January Fourth at eight-thirty-six PM, the day before her birthday, Lucrezia's cell phone rang.

This was most certainly not an uncommon occurrence in the Sawada household. 'Crezia was a very technologically inclined person and was as often connected to a phone or mp3 player as Bianchi was to a poisonous biscotti. So hearing the dulcet tones of the Imperial March wafting out of a doorway was considered to be nothing of interest, simply background noise.

But this time it was little different.

"Ciao, Mama," Was the blonde's instant reply when she flipped open the phone, "You're a few hours off."

There was a heavy sigh on the other side of the line. "I know that, sweetie, it's half past six in the morning here."

Lucrezia frowned at that. Usually her mother wouldn't be awake until nine at the earliest. Clearly this was some cause for concern. "Then why are you up? With all the grey hairs you're getting, shouldn't you be getting your beauty sleep?"

"...I will remind you who is paying for your university education."

"Jeff?"

Yet another heavy sigh passed over the connection. Apparently she was managing to be especially exasperating that day. "I just got a call from your father."

That didn't seem to be too terrible. "Oh? Is Jeff on a business trip?"

"Your actual father."

"...Oh."

That was more interesting. Sliding her arms down to rest her head on the kotatsu, the half-Italian paused to ponder what this meant. She rarely saw or spoke of her father - to her, he was more of a genetic donor than an actual parental figure. An executive for some business in California, Brandon James only bothered to see his sole child if he had any spare time on a business trip to New York, or if she was on the West Coast with her own parents for a convention of some sort. These usually ended up being awkward lunches or dinners that ended with him having to take a call after an hour or two and calling a cab to take her back to Bella and Jeff. Neither really enjoyed these, only going through with it for Bella, who insisted that they should try and get to know each other.

As she had told Tsuna a few months before, she didn't care much for him, since Jeff had been her dad for so long. And apparently, it was mutual by the way Brandon never went out of is way to see her. Therefore, him calling her mother was a rather strange event.

"Well, what does he want?" She grumbled. It was her birthday tomorrow and she wanted to enjoy it, not have to deal with a potential 'daddy time' hanging over her head for when she next visited home.

"He said that he's in Japan for awhile, and since tomorrow is your birthday, he thought he'd take you out for dinner. And yes, you're going."

She froze. That was not cool. Just NOT cool.

Taking a deep breath, she shook her head. "No way, Mama. Nana promised to make my favorites for dinner, and I don't want to do some stupid dinner thing with Brandon. It's boring, we have nothing to talk about, and Nana is making kushiyaki. KU-SHI-YA-KI."

"Don't you talk to me in that tone!" Snapped Bella, obviously not impressed, "You spend lots of time there and very little with your father. You need to connect with him. What'll happen if Jeff and I die? Who'll pay for your college and your food and your little gadget things then?"

"What you've left me in the will."

"You won't even be in the will if you keep this up. You're going, whether you like it or not. Now, I need to go back to bed and try to go back to sleep, though it will be very difficult now that you've stressed me out!" Despite the early time, Bella's dramatics were apparently nevertheless going strong, "Good night!"

With a scowl, Lucrezia hung up on her mother. "May you age gracelessly and wear dentures." She muttered darkly, tossing the phone across the room.

There went her birthday.

* * *

_AUTOMATED MESSAGE: Mother, you have disappointed me. You are henceforth blocked until I forget about my grudge or receive either a substantial amount of money or a gift of apology that I deem to be suitable._

_Go count your wrinkles, old lady._

* * *

She was officially bored out of her mind.

The restaurant was nice enough, a bit out of town. Far away enough to keep her friends from chancing upon her, but close enough to be a reasonable suggestion. Pushing her curry rice around the plate a bit, she glanced around the place, eying up the boys in the place, checking out what other people were eating and contemplating how it got dark so quickly this time of the year.

All to avoid looking at the man across from her.

It was rather unnerving, really. Lucrezia had never taken after the Bovino side of the family in looks, but looked almost exactly like her father. The two shared a short and scrawny stature, with Brandon only slightly taller than her. Their faces were the same shape, and both had brown eyes that were framed by a pair of glasses. Besides Lucrezia's face and body being more feminine and Brandon's distinct lack of piercings, the only difference was in their hair; his was more reddish than her strawberry-blonde.

Clearing his throat, her father caught her attention. He looked just as awkward as she did, not knowing how to deal with a child that he had never really wanted in the first place. He put down his chopsticks and began talking quietly, not really looking her in the eye. "I heard you had taken first place in a state math competition last June. Congratulations."

"I didn't get to go the nationals, though." She muttered bitterly, shoving some of the rice in her mouth.

"I'm... sure you would've won..." They both lapsed back into silence, silently finishing their dinner.

Her father had just asked for the check when the doors swung open, letting in a blast of freezing air. Pulling her sweater tighter for warmth, she turned to glare over her shoulder at whoever had just entered the place and made her even more cold, but her jaw dropped when she realized who it was.

With his black coat swishing behind him, Hibari stormed into the restaurant, eyes blazing. Every patron froze, the disciplinary committee's influence obviously reaching out even to the outer areas of the town. He glowered about the room until he saw her. Then the glare turned into an icy death look that promised a violent and terrible death followed by seven centuries of painful suffering in the afterlife.

"I'm failing Japanese Literature because of you, herbivore."

Oh. _That_ again.

Rolling her eyes, she flicked her hand at him in dismissal. "Psh. I _told _you I was terrible at it and couldn't read kanji, but do you ever listen? Nooooo. It's your own fault."

His mouth was already open to tell her off when he noticed her companion. Glowering at him, the prefect stalked forward, an odd glint in his eye. "Who is this, herbivore? Your brother?" He snapped back his head to snarl at her even more, "If he shows up at your school and a visitor registration form is not filled out, as you always forget to do, you will be bitten to death."

Brandon shifted uneasily in his chair, obviously not having caught most of their conversation. Across the table, Lucrezia rolled her eyes at her crush. "He's my father, he won't be visiting the school, and if you're so damn unhappy about your grades then do your own homework instead of pushing it off on the foreigner."

The prefects eyebrows furrowed in confusion as his eyes shifted back and forth between the two. "I met your father. This man is not him."

Sighing, Lucrezia nodded in agreement. "Jeff is my _real _father. Brandon here is the guy my mom screwed to bring me into existence." A scowl crossed over her features when she saw that the waitress with the bill was hiding out at the kitchen door, too afraid of Hibari to come any closer. At least she had obviously managed to make the boy uncomfortable; while Brandon glanced between them obliviously, a small blush appeared on Hibari's cheeks from her blunt words.

Making Hibari blush? One hundred points to her.

A final snarl gracing his face, he spun around and left, a warning about his grades drifting back to her as he exited. At last, the restaurant relaxed, the suffocating presence of the prefect gone and the waitress scurried over to present the check. As her father collected it and glanced around, unsure of what to do, 'Crezia collected up the bag at her feet. She frowned in some irritation at Brandon and indicated for him to follow her, leading him to the cashier to pay before going out to where his car was parked, the two never saying a word.

When they finally reached the Sawada house, Brandon held up a hand before she left, pulling out two envelopes and a small package. Clearing his throat nervously, he passed them two her, staring out the window onto the dimly lit street. "Those cards... they're from myself and your grandparents." He murmured so quietly that Lucrezia had to strain to hear him, "And the gift is from them. It's an heirloom."

Nodding, the girl looked down at it. She'd almost forgotten that she was their only grandchild.

"And..." Now he looked truly uncomfortable, "Was that your... boyfriend back there?"

A giggle fought to escape out of her lips and was quickly masked by a coughing fit. "Oh, no, just a guy from school," she quickly explained, pushing him away from that idea, "Thank you for the cards and the gift," putting them under her arm, she opened the door and stepped out, "And please pass that on to–"

"LUCREZIA!" Tsuna's cry rang out from the doorway, "BIANCHI'S GOING TO MAKE US EAT THE CAKE IF YOU DON'T GET IN HERE NOW!"

"ZIIIIIIIIIA 'CREZIAAAAAA, BIANCHI'S BEING MEEEEAN!" Was Lambo's sobbing as he clung to Tsuna's back, wiping his snot all over the boy's shirt, to Tsuna's disgust.

With a little smile on her face, Lucrezia waved to her father. "See ya, Brandon." Closing the door behind her, she almost missed the wish of 'happy birthday' from him.

When she reached the door way, she reached out a hand to knock over the leaping nephew that tried to grab her and walked in the door coughing from the fumes of Bianchi's cake coming from the kitchen's direction. Inside, the older girl looked furious as she served a horribly burnt purple cake to I-Pin and Reborn, promising that 'love' would protect them from any poison. The instant she saw the birthday girl she was on her, a piece of cake in front of her and demanding that Lucrezia try it to show everyone else that it was perfectly okay to eat.

Thankfully, before Lucrezia had it forced down her throat, Nana arrived with a proper birthday cake, explaining that she had asked the nearby bakery to deliver it when she saw Bianchi's get burnt. With a piece of real cake in hand, 'Crezia contentedly picked up a present from her mother, contentedly peeling off the paper and expecting a shiny new gadget.

The paper crinkled as her fist crushed it, a twitch in eyebrow appearing as she saw the gift. "Mama…" She growled.

* * *

___Dear Mama,_

_You have been unblocked because I wish to tell you that I DO NOT APPRECIATE THE GIFT OF CONTACTS AND A PUSH-UP BRA TO 'HELP ME GET MY MAN'._

_I am not amused._

_You are being re-blocked._

_Yours,_

_Lucrezia_

* * *

Math class was usually the best nap time a girl could ask for. It was all so boring and simple compared to what she studied back home that Lucrezia could do it in her sleep (true fact - she'd tested it, even if her writing was nigh incomprehensible and required a MIT student visiting his sister to help decipher it)_. _But now, with all those parents in the back watching over the little flock of dimwits, she had to stay awake and at least look good for Nana's sake. The woman already had to deal with flack from the neighbors about her wards and their mischief. The girl figured her foster mother didn't need any more crap from the parents of the students.

However, she felt that it was perfectly okay to completely ignore whatever the teacher was saying and form paper footballs to toss at Hana for shits and giggles. Their little war developed after Kyoko had tried to teach the American how to make paper cranes and Hana had mocked her first attempt. No Bovino ever backed down from a fight without sufficient bribery.

A loud roar made her jump and drop her half-made aerial assault weapon. "Good for you, Takeshi! Marbled tuna for dinner tonight!"

_Damn, his dad has some lungs_. Leaning down to scoop it back up, she eyed Gokudera as he made snarky comments and considered wasting her footballs on him instead.

"Gokudera, will you show some semblance of of being civilized?"

"Nope."

"Irritating neanderthal..." Lucrezia muttered under her breath, aiming and flicking away her paper football.

Before it could even land, Hana had reached out and grabbed it. After studying her catch, she crushed it in her hand and glanced back at her fuming friend with a slight smirk. Kyoko, who had been looking back to see if her parents were there, gave them both a scowl that turned into a pout when her less kind friends simply rolled their eyes and stared in opposite directions.

Re-attracting Lucrezia's attention was Gokudera's regrettably correct answer. Her mortal mathematical enemy was striding ahead of her and trying to take away her glory as the supreme monarch of nerdiness. This wouldn't do.

_Give me the next question, give me the next question!_ She mentally pleaded with the teacher, _Let me show that I'm obviously better than him!_

The teacher plastered on a smile, obviously not pleased that he hadn't been able to one-up his student. "All right, we seem to be on a roll today. So question four goes to..."

_Say James! Say Lucrezia James!_

"...Sawada."

Her head hit the desk with a dull thud and small 'tink!' from her nose ring. Not only had he not picked her, but he had picked the class's worst student for one of the harder questions. Obviously Nana was going to be upset with him and then she'd take away all of the game systems in the house so that he could study more and then no one would be able to play any video games at all.

And that would be terrible.

Grabbing her pencil, she was about to scribble down the answer on one of her footballs but stopped when she realized that him getting caught cheating would be just as bad as getting the answer wrong. Racing through her mind were various ideas, all requiring Tsuna to have _at the least_ a cell phone. She'd probably end up giving him one of her old ones later just so that terrible situations like this never happened again.

As her mind twisted in a new direction (attempting to come up with hiding places for her Game Boy), she missed Tsuna's incorrect answer but jumped again when he was suddenly hit by a flying sandal. Whipping her head around, she couldn't figure out where it came from, though the mysterious old woman missing one of her shoes was certainly suspicious.

The fact that she was now holding a gun in the middle of the classroom and staring intently at Tsuna added to those suspicions.

But before he got the chance to answer the teacher who was obviously beginning to get irritated with the way the class visit was going, another voice piped up from the front of the classroom.

"I KNOW!"

Lucrezia's heart filled with utmost dread.

"It's one hundred trillion!" Lambo said cheerfully, ignoring the Chinese girl behind him trying to pull him back. The classroom filled with laughter and chatter as the students from the Sawada household sunk down in their seats, wishing they could disappear. Or make the little boy in cow print disappear, which would be equally satisfying.

The annoyed teacher approached the kids. "Whose younger brother might you be, son?"

The boy wasn't listening. "I can do my multiplication tables!" He declared proudly, glancing at Tsuna who had his book over his face and his aunt who was hiding in the back. "Two times two is two! Boo times boo is boo! Goo times goo is goo!" Apparently her attempts to teach him _anything_ were complete failures. "Watch me! Watch me!" Falling backwards, his afro erased the questions on the board.

A hush fell over the classroom, everyone shocked at the bad behavior of this little boy. The students glanced around the classroom while trying to figure out who he was related to, idly wondering why Tsuna was suddenly so interested in his math book, Kyoko was giggling and Lucrezia was wearing sunglasses and trying to open the window to escape. (Unfortunately, after a few escapes from her literature class this way, her teacher had put in a request to the janitor to have it permanently locked.)

"Sorry, he's one of mine!" Nana picked Lambo up and carried him back despite his struggling and attempts to play with Yamamoto and Kyoko.

"Mom!" Complained Tsuna, "What'd you bring them for?"

A small awkward smile was being worn by the Sawada matron. "I didn't..." She admitted.

"Then who-?"

"I did." Announced a young woman from the doorway. Bianchi tossed her hair over her shoulder. "They said they wanted to tag along when I came to visit Hayato."

A sound of gagging came from the other side of the classroom as Gokudera collapsed to the floor, his fangirls and Tsuna crowding around him in concern. The teacher began to help him up with Nana and Bianchi, simply causing another wave of nausea for the bomber. The blonde by the windows was unconcerned, simply considering it to be karma for stealing her thunder as the math pro.

"Class is suspended while we deal with this emergency." Announced their math teacher as they left, "I must apologize the parents for the inconvenience. While I'm gone, I want everyone to study quietly, and no monkey business."

Whispers and mutterings around the classroom grew, noting how such weird things seemed to be happening around the Sawada family recently. The foreigners all arriving, chaos following wherever they went, all since Tsuna began running around in his underwear...

The door slid open again, everyone glancing up to see if it was the teacher returning. Instead, a tall, gracefully aging Italian woman stood there, glancing around with wide green eyes. "I never imagined that my daughter would be in such an eventful class!" Bella giggled, waving happily at everyone as she strolled in wearing her usual short dress and knee high stiletto boots despite the winter weather. Twirling a piece of dark hair around her finger, she frowned at her child. "'Crezia, dear, wearing sunglasses indoors is for pretentious art students and brainless socialites, not sarcastic brats. And you obviously aren't wearing my gifts - why did I bother wasting my money?" The woman stared up as if expecting the heavens to answer her."

The blonde glowered at her mother. "What are you doing here? I never told you that there was classroom visit!"

"Nana called me. Wasn't that nice of her?"

"No! And you could've warned me that you would show up!" She snapped, ignoring the stares of the entire room.

"Sweetie, you blocked me."

Sulkily, Lucrezia pouted and shifted farther away in her seat. "...Go away, Mama."

With a scowl that obviously implied that Lucrezia's rudeness would be punished later, Bella twirled around and walked back to the door. "Fine. Be that way." She announced in her mother-tongue, "I suppose I'll just go and find your boyfriend and take him back home with me. I could use an adorable new pool boy~"

"WHAT?" Shrieked Lucrezia, leaping out her seat and tripping of the legs of her desk, "MAMA! GET BACK HERE!" She tore off, running after her mother who had gone skipping through the hallways.

It was a merry chase. Bella would race ahead and pull open classroom doors at random, poking her head inside them before sighing sadly and loudly exclaiming in Italian how great her disappointment was before once again dancing off, leaving her exasperated daughter to apologize and slam the doors shut behind her as she tried to catch up.

Finally, after at least fifteen minutes of running that led Lucrezia into the delusional thinking of asking Reborn to help get fitter, Bella had stopped to consider a western style door in a quieter wing of the school. The American girl froze, knowing what beast lay behind that door (given that Bella had already looked into his actual class). Smirking evilly at her daughter's distress, the unflappable Bella Morrison pulled open the door and strutted in like a peacock flashing it's feathers.

Sliding in her school shoes, Lucrezia tried to grab her mother's sleeve but stopped when she saw that her mother wasn't moving and followed her eyes.

There, lying on the couch completely unaware of his observers, Hibari napped peacefully, a partly read book resting on his chest. For a single moment, all was calm and silent in the room, neither wanting to disturb the rare moment of Hibari not trying to brutally murder the annoying people that insisted on existing in his presence.

Of course, that was only for a single moment.

"Oh mio Dio! SO CUUUUUUTE!" Bella squealed as Lucrezia couldn't help the blush that went over her face. _No! Must... resist... glomping..._

Two cold eyes snapped open.

Two Bovino woman froze as he sat up, giving them his infamous death stare followed by his infamous catch phrase. "...I'll bite you to death."

Bella frowned her daughter. "What does that mean?"

"In a less than literal translation, it means we should run away."

"Ah."

The two of them bolted for the door, the Demon of Namimori hot on their trails.

Rule breakers must be punished, after all.

* * *

_Dear Mama,_

_FINE, I unblocked you. Happy now?_

_I'm not. Because I have a cast on my arm. Because SOMEBODY threw me at the extremely violent prefect so that SOMEBODY could escape._

_For extra clarification, that somebody was you._

_Both times._

_I'm telling Jeff._

_Yours,_

_Lucrezia_

* * *

"This is the third-best excuse to skip P.E."

Hana, sitting on the side with Lucrezia in their track suits gave a deadpan stare. "I'm assuming you want me to ask either 'what's first and second?' or 'why is a cast only third?'."

The blonde smirked and stretched out her legs with a cheeky grin. "Well, obviously. I wouldn't have said anything otherwise."

"Hmm..." With a side-glance, the brunette smirked, "What's fourth?"

"Cheater!"

A shocked gasp made them look up Kyoko, who was nibbling at her thumb nervously. The nicest of the three was watching the boy's soccer game as she sat out with her friends, giving an actual excuse to the teacher rather than simply not caring like Hana or just holding up a broken arm like Lucrezia. When she saw them staring at her, Kyoko's eyes went wide with worry. "Tsuna was just hit in the head with the ball!"

The silence practically screamed 'no one cares what happens to Tsuna'.

"Don't worry," yawned 'Crezia as she waved her hand dismissively, "Pretty sure that he was dropped on his head enough as a child that this wouldn't do much damage."

"And it's not as if he has any brain cells to lose." Hana smirked.

They received the dirtiest look that Kyoko could muster as they gave each other a high five.

WHAM!

Out of the sky, a soccer ball managed slam itself onto Lucrezia's head, bouncing away the girl fell over and curled up in pain, ignoring the cries of apology from where the girls were playing their game.

For the rest of the day, Kyoko wore a tiny triumphant smile.

* * *

A very sulky Lucrezia stared at the little boy across the table.

"Who is he again?"

With a hum of sympathy, Nana put a bowl of rice out in front of her. "His name is Futa. He's going to be living with us for awhile."

"This is the fourth time we've told you this!" Complained Tsuna as he received his bowl, "Can't you remember anything?"

His mother shook her head. "Lucrezia has a minor concussion and temporary memory loss, Tsuna. Be nicer." She ignored his complaints as she finished serving dinner. As everyone dug in, the blonde continued to sulk and mentally complain. Her head hurt. Her arm was itchy. She couldn't attempt to stalk Hibari for at least another month. And now there was another, admittedly adorable, kid staying in the Sawada house. It was getting too crowded.

She only managed half of her rice and small amount of fish before excusing herself, retreating to the quiet of her shared room.

After an hour of fitful on-and-off napping, she heard the door slide open and sat up to see the new boy enter with a small bowl of fruit. She stared as he set it down on the kotatsu nearby. "Maman asked me to bring you this, Zia 'Crezia."

A blank stare was his answer.

"I'm Futa."

"...Right." Shuffling up to the low table, she began to nibble at the pieces of strawberries and kiwis. The new boy seemed nervous, shifting around and not entirely sure of what to do. Rolling her eyes, the Italian-American motioned for him to sit down and pushed the bowl towards him.

Futa smiled, picking up a strawberry and biting into it. "Zia 'Crezia is nicer than she looks."

The teenager paused in her chewing. "I don't look nice?" She asked with her mouth half-full.

A look of panic crossed his face when he realized what he said. "N-no, it's just, you look, um, well..." Staring at the table, he wouldn't meet her eyes, "Kind of... scary."

Ahh, the piercings. With a simple shrug, she picked out another piece of kiwi.

"But, in my rankings...!" Pulling out his book, Futa flipped to the page where he'd written everything down, "Though you only are a bit above Tsuna-nii in athleticism, Zia 'Crezia is ranked highly for her kindness to younger kids and for abilities of programming and bird watching!"

"Bird watching?"

"It said skylarks, specifically."

"...Makes perfect sense." A fuzzy thought flitted through her mind. "How do you fit that huge book into your coat? Are you a Time Lord?"

He gave her a wide-eyed, confused look. "A what?"

Sighing, she plotted to educate him in proper sci-fi television shows. "Never mind." Offering up a grin, she lifted up the last strawberry as in a toast. "Welcome to the Sawada Home For Wayward Misfits, umm..."

"I'm Futa."

"Right."

* * *

_Dear Mama_,

_Ha ha, Jeff took away your credit cards!_

_Also, I now suspect that Nana is secretly running something like a half-way home for young Mafiosos. It's very suspicious._

_Yours, _

_Lucrezia  
_

* * *

Tsuna looked tired and miserable when they reached their home after school. On the other hand, Lucrezia was bright and perky. For the entire day, Futa had been popping up to visit them, surprising Tsuna into dropping his lumpy pottery project, making him trip in soccer and visiting him when the boy got sent into the hall for whining to Yamamoto about it in class. The blonde, though, enjoyed the visits. Futa helped her carry her 'abstract art-style vase' to the back, hung out with her and her friends after startling Tsuna and distracted the literature teacher enough to let her escape out the door (and almost immediately get caught by one of her favourite disciplinary committee members and get off with a warning).

Skipping into the kitchen, Lucrezia waved happily at Haru, who had come in carrying a basket of laundry. The strange brunette girl paused and gave the American an odd look.

"'Crezia doesn't usually wave to me like that." Mused Haru aloud, leaving Lucrezia wondering if the girl even knew she was still standing there. "Usually 'Crezia just gives me a kind of awkward wave and runs away, but today..."

_That's because you're a creepy stalker chick!_ Completely ignoring the hypocrisy of this thought, Lucrezia ducked into the kitchen, glancing outside the window when she saw a number of expensive and shiny black cars pull up to the Sawada home. _And that'll get the neighbors talking again..._

"Ciao, 'Crezia!" Greeted Dino as he strolled in, not a care in the world, "How's my little sister doing?"

She held up her broken arm wrapped up in a cast covered in graffiti and baseball plays from her friends.

"...I see."

"Tsuna's in his room." Offering that, she stared pointedly at his shoes until he got the hint and took them off.

Putting them in the entrance and instructing his men to do the same, the blond man shook his head. "Actually, I'm looking for the Ranking Prince Futa."

"Tsuna's room." Grabbing a bag of chips out of the pantry, she grinned. "I get a ten percent cut out of whatever you pay him. I'm his agent now." Part of the reason that Lucrezia liked kids was because it was so easy to convince them that they needed people like 'agents' and 'advisers', making it much simpler for her to get what she wanted out of them. Futa had been especially easy to convince that day during P.E.

With a snort of 'yeah, right', the Chiavarone family moved upstairs, leaving a couple of men behind to guard the door. Opening up her shrimp-flavored chips, the American was contentedly relaxing when she heard the distressed cry of "HAHI?"

A heavy sigh escaping her lips, she dragged herself to the door where an upset Haru was carrying in another basket of laundry and two of Dino's men were keeping her from coming inside. The eccentric girl's face was beginning to go red with anger when 'Crezia peeked out and her bespectacled eyes narrowed in on the article of clothing that lay on the top of the pile: her beloved and cozy duck-patterned panties.

This would not do.

"Haru!" The three arguing at the door looked up, startled to see Lucrezia grinning widely, "Is that the last of the laundry?" Walking over, she awkwardly picked it up out of Haru's hands with one arm, "Thank you! Tsuna's upstairs if you want to go see him."

A huge smile crossed over the brunette's face as she leaped inside, sticking her tongue out at the men.

The blonde was surprised when Haru followed her into the laundry room instead of immediately going to see Tsuna. In fact, the girl seemed to be _blushing _a bit. "Do you... want something?"

That seemed to snap her out of it, the eccentric girl waving her hands around like mad. "No, no! I mean, uh, yes..." Rubbing the back of her head, she seemed to calm down, "I wanted to thank 'Crezia for helping me out back there. You were kind of cool, y'know? Like a prince." She giggled, flapping her hand, "I guess that's Tsuna rubbing off on you! Thank you, 'Crezia!" She called over her shoulder.

Shaking her head and beginning to fold up the laundry, Lucrezia froze as a thought struck her.

_Did she... Did she just call me a guy?_

* * *

_Dear Mama,_

_If you really did send Hibari chocolate for Valentines Day, I will fly back to Scarborough and end you._

_Yours,_

_Lucrezia_

* * *

"Kyoko! Aren't you going to give anyone chocolate?" Hana grinned from where she was studying with Lucrezia and Ayano Mitsuhara_, _another girl in their class.

The sweet brunette glanced up in surprise at the eagerly awaiting gossip-mongers. Giggling, she shook her head. "I have plans for it after school."

As she waved good-bye and left, the three immediately dove into discussion and dissection of what she just said.

"She must have a crush on someone she doesn't want us to know about." Declared Ayano, nodding her head in affirmation.

This caused Hana to frown, though. "Someone she doesn't want us to know about? Like, a teacher or something?"

Lucrezia snickered evilly. "Ah, this will so devastate Tsuna!"

"REBORN! FIND OUT WHO GOT KYOKO'S CHOCOLATES!"

"Absolutely _devastate_~"

Tapping her nose, Hana thought deeply. "Maybe not a teacher. Kyoko wouldn't go for that type. A delinquent, then? Someone her brother wouldn't like?"

Ayano leaped onto that train of thought. "One of the disciplinary committee members! 'Crezia, who are the nicest members?"

Tilting her head, Lucrezia thought on that. "Hibuzawa and Uodoru are pretty nice. Oh! OH! Maybe Kusakabe!" After a brief moment of them all trying to picture the odd couple, the three collapsed into fits of laughter.

"Ah, that's right, 'Crezia," turning towards the Italian-American, Ayano gave her the dramatic look she saved for her spookier stories, "I heard a rumor recently that you might be interested in. A rumor related to _Kyoya Hibari_."

The entire classroom appeared to shudder at his name.

Except one eager foreigner. "Really?" Her eyes almost sparkled with delight, "What have you heard? Tell me, tell me!"

Hana appeared to want to make her friend suffer. "Oh. It's _that_ rumor isn't it, Ayano?"

The black-haired girl nodded solemnly. "Indeed, it is. _That_ rumor."

"Stop being all dramatic and tell me!"

"Very well." Ayano leaned in conspiratorially, Lucrezia and Hana automatically following along, "The rumor is that there is a small group of hidden Hibari fangirls in this school who are total extremists."

"Extremists...?" Lucrezia scrunched up her nose in thought, "Like... communists?"

Groaning, Hana facepalmed. "That's a kind of government, 'Crezia. Extremists are people who will do absolutely anything for their cause."

"So... communists."

"Please, 'Crezia, please do me a favor and actually open a book one day."

"ANYWAY!" Throwing up her hands, Ayano caught their attention again, "As I were saying, these girls are so extreme, it's said they use black magic to keep girls away from him!"

The skeptical two gave her twin deadpan looks.

"I'm pretty sure it's his personality, not black magic."

"I'm with Hana on that."

With a pout, Ayano stood up and collected her books. "Fine, be that way! But if you're planning to give him chocolate, I'd watch out!" Saying her good-byes, she left.

Once she had left, Hana leaned over and poked her friend. "So, are you really planning to give Hibari chocolates?"

The duck-haired girl nodded with determination. "Yup! I made it last night." Standing up, she struck a pose, "I will win his heart with food!"

Snorting, Hana collected her things together. "Good luck with that."

As they parted, Lucrezia took a deep breath and began to psyche herself up for the task at hand. It was her goal to get Hibari to eat her chocolate and fall in love with her, just as Bianchi said would happen! It couldn't be that hard, right? Glancing down the school hallways, she set of on her grand quest.

The first stop would be his classroom. Though he often skipped class to do work for the committee or to nap on the roof, Lucrezia knew from following him around once or ten times that he did, on occasion, attend his class. She meandered up the stairs, taking her time so that she didn't get caught by one of the prefects and given a detention, which would not only take up more time but probably decrease the chances of him accepting her chocolates.

There seemed to be an odd hum in the air as she walked down the hallways, an eerie feeling that made her shiver. Pulling her blazer tighter, she opened the door of class 2-C and peeked inside, only to be disappointed by an entirely empty classroom. Sighing sadly, she backed out, only to bump into someone right behind. Squeaking in shock, she twisted away and smacked against the wall.

"Hey, you! You're the foreigner who lives with that Sawada punk!" Lucrezia stared in confusion at the guy who was speaking to her. He was not terribly good looking, in her Hibari-biased opinion, but she figured that he might pass if a person's standards were low enough. Resting his hands on his hips, he appeared to be trying to intimidate her, in some strange way. A bamboo sword in a case was strapped to his back.

"Yeah. And?" She snarled back. This guy was wasting precious hunting time.

The guy smirked. "And you're in the same class as him and Kyoko Sasagawa."

Mentioning Kyoko got her back up. "So? Get to your point, you're wasting my time."

He gave her dark smirk. "I'd just advise you, little girl, to tell Sawada that I've got my eye on him and that if he - wait, get back here!"

Already she had made it to the end of the hallway, the guy who had been annoying her completely forgotten.

The reception room was her next stop. If she was lucky this time, he'd be doing paperwork and she could catch him off guard and manage to probably talk him into eating at least some of the chocolate. When she reached the room, though, the door was slightly ajar, dashing away most of her hopes - Hibari always demanded it to be properly shut. Still, she clung to the last shreds and opened up the door.

Instead of Hibari at the desk, Kusakabe was there, dutifully working away at the folders resting on the chairman's desk. When she walked in, he glanced up, raising an eyebrow. "Are you here for a detention, James?"

Scowling at the implication that she wasn't able to get out of a little thing like detention (ignoring the fact that she rarely did), the blonde shook her head. "I'm looking for Hibari."

A defeated look crossed his face. "You're the fifth girl to come in and say that. That's why I'm here - the chairman is avoiding them."

The room seemed to darken a little as a look of jealous rage appeared on her face. "Is that so?" She asked in a pleasant voice that did not match her expression, "And did you tell them where he was?"

"Of course not. I simply asked them to leave it here and I would make sure that it would get to him."

"...There are chocolate stains around your mouth, Kusakabe."

"...It would've been a waste for the chairman to simply throw it all out."

With a roll of her eyes, she crossed her arms. "So why are you telling me all this? Obviously this just means he's hiding out on the roof. I'll go up there and give my chocolate to him _personally_."

"I'm telling you this because you cause enough trouble for the committee that I almost want to see you shot down."

An awkward silence hung in the air.

"...You SUCK." Stalking over to the door, she paused and glanced back. "Oh, I was just wondering..."

He glanced up, an eyebrow raised.

"Are the rumors about the black magic communist Hibari fanclub true?"

Shaking his head, he returned to the paper work. "When the committee investigated, we could find no evidence of such a thing existing. Good-bye, James." When the door shut behind her, he couldn't help but let himself wonder aloud.

"Communist...?"

* * *

Lucrezia knew she was on the right track when she tried to open the door to the building's roof and found it locked. Apparently, Hibari was taking no chances with any potential misguided fangirls, but the Italian-American was determined to succeed. Racing back down the stairs, she managed to talk the office secretary into giving her the key, explaining that she'd forgotten a book up there. Going back up the stairs was harder, especially when she still had a cast to weigh her weak and unfit self down even more.

Unlocking and pushing open the door, she stepped out into the chilly air, shivering at the bitter wind. She almost felt bad knowing that Tsuna had raced home in his boxers in this kind of weather. A quick glance around forced her to keep going, having to go out further into the cold to find the sneaky prefect. It was hard, given that she was wearing a miniskirt and knee-high socks, but she was determined to succeed.

She found him when she rounded the corner. Facing into the wind, Hibari had his jacket fully buttoned up for once and his legs curled up close to his chest. A red tinge was surrounding his nose and from where she stood, Lucrezia could see that his eyes were beginning to water. Sighing, she walked up and sat down next to him noting that he was apparently too cold to do anything but glare.

"Aren't you freezing out here?" There was no answer. With a pout, she cuddled up closer to him, taking advantage of his docile attitude. The fact that she was warmer than him was probably helping her out too.

The boy snorted. "I'm not a weak herbivore like you are."

"You have goosebumps all over your hand, though..."

"Shut up." When he turned to give her a dirty look, he spotted the pale red box that she was clutching to her chest. A frown appeared instead. "Those better not be chocolates. I will confiscate them if they are."

Her eyebrow raised up. "Does confiscate mean accept?"

"No. It means take them away, give you a detention and throw them in the trash."

Sulkily, the American looked down at them. "I spent two hours making them last night, though..." She murmured sadly. Turning away, Hibari refused to look at the sad-puppy face she was giving him. "I even kicked Bianchi out of the kitchen so that they would end up being edible..." No, he had not give in to the stupid looking face of that irritating person who refused to leave him alone, he absolutely would not-

"I even made dark chocolate, since I figured you wouldn't like sweet stuff..."

His hand shot out and snatched it away, surprising her. Surveying it, he flipped it over, almost expecting it to go off like one of her nephew's grenades. The blonde pouted as the prefect shook it, sniffed it, tapped it cautiously on the ground and finally he stopped, hanging it by his side. Before she got the chance to snark at him for being rude and hurting her feelings with his suspicious nature, he stood up, pushing her aside as he stomped off to the door.

With a devastated face, Lucrezia stayed there, watching him walk away before he turned back and glared at her. "Get inside. If a cold starts going around Namimori Middle, attendance rates will drop."

Leaving her behind, he went back in. For a few seconds, she didn't move, a goofy looking smile on her face when she realized that he had accepted her chocolates. "YES!" She shrieked, pumping her fists into the air until a strong wind blew her skirt up, causing her to squall a protest and shove it back down, chasing after Hibari back into the building.

* * *

At his desk, Hibari reviewed Kusakabe's work. On the corner, resting precariously over the edge, the red box with it's white ribbon was in the perfect position for him to simply knock it over into the garbage with a simple swipe of his hand. However, he _had_ already accepted it and he knew that if she found out he'd tossed it away she'd bombard him with more chocolates and DOS messages on his computer.

Reaching out, he pulled away the polyester ribbon and lifted up the lid with a single hand. The dark, nearly black, chocolate was fortunately shaped into a sensible square, not in some ridiculously girly heart or one of those other things that he'd seen given out earlier. He broke off a small piece of the corner and, after observing it for anything suspect like icing or sprinkles, delicately placed it in his mouth, chewing thoughtfully before swallowing.

"...Disgusting." He muttered, and after pocketing the ribbon, he smacked the box with the back of his hand into the garbage.

* * *

_DEAR NONNA_

_I WANT BUBBLE GUM AND CANDY AND MARS BARS AND A FIRE TRUCK AND A DINOSAUR AND GRENADES AND A COWBOY HAT AND_

_ESRD..-YGBI^*8/L7R5'3DCVJN;_

* * *

_Dear Mama,_

_Please disregard the brat's demands. Giving in will just encourage him._

_Yours,_

_Lucrezia_

* * *

**Will Lucrezia's father have a purpose in this story? Will I be able to keep Bella from invading more chapters in the future? Will Haru be the secret contender for Lucrezia's heart? Will Hibari ever not be a jackass? Will more people vote in the poll on my profile page?  
**

**...Meh. I don't even know.**

**And sorry, all, but this story is now on hiatus until I graduate this June. I need to get my grades back up so I can get into a college and become a fancy-pants smart person.**

**'TIL THE SUMMER, MY GOOD FRIENDS.**


	9. Snowballs, Tsunderes and Cherry Blossoms

**Hope you're all enjoying your summers~Thanks for all the reviews and patience! And, if you're interested, I have a new story up called 'The Dragon', an AU based in 1897 Manhattan and centering around Lambo and I-Pin (with Lucrezia sneaking her way in there, somehow...). Check it out?  
**

**The current results of the poll on my profile are: Mukuro - 18, Yamamoto - 7, Basil - 5, Xanxus - 4, Dino - 4, Gokudera - 3, Longchamp - 3 and Tsuna - 2. I've decided to leave it up until I post the next chapter, so if you want to vote for someone and you haven't already, last chance!**

**I still don't own KHR.**

**(EDIT: It... apparently posted itself again. I don't know why.)  
**

* * *

**Chapter Nine: Snowballs, Tsundere and Cherry Blossoms  
**

* * *

_Dear Mama,_

_IT'S BACK._

_Yours, _

_Lucrezia_

* * *

Two mortal enemies had met again on their battlefield. Though Lucrezia was proud to say that she always outlasted her enemy, it consistently came back, sneaking in when she least expected it and making it's annual attempt to strike her down and reign victorious. But she always managed to win with one simple tactic: avoiding the battle all together. Her enemy had a short lifespan and it was easy to ignore it's existence altogether.

But not this time.

"But Tsuuuunaaaa, why do we have go be out in the snow?" She whined loudly, her mittened hands tucked into her fleece lined pockets and shoulders hunched up to her neck while her cast was wrapped in a wool scarf. The slumpy boots she always wore were getting damp around her doubled-socked feet, but she hadn't thought to get new winter boots since she constantly avoided the snow.

The receiver of whines jabbed his finger at the toddler next to him. "It's Reborn's fault! He couldn't just play with I-Pin and Lambo in the yard..."

"They're here too." pointed out Reborn as they ran up with Futa in tow, eagerly chattering about making a snow man and ranking it against others. But luckily for Lucrezia, the snow would not be allowed to create it's immobile soldiers as they were interrupted by a cry of "BOSS!"

The blonde glowered up at the sky, hoping to figure which being up there thought that it was amusing to send her one mortal enemy after the other.

Along with Gokudera, there were Yamamoto, Ryohei and Dino waiting for the them, all seeming to try and look cooler than the other. Of course, knowing the idiots as she did, Lucrezia wouldn't have been surprised if they'd been competing about it before the Sawada household had arrived. She cast a dead-pan stare at her fellow blonde Italian.

"Dino, don't you have a family to run?" She raised her eyebrow at his sheepish look.

A quick kick to the shin from Reborn shut her up. "They invited us her today."

"We thought it'd be nice to play with the little guys once in a while." Explained the Chiavarone don. The others chimed in with their agreements on how Tsuna was always babysitting the kids and taking care of them.

A light began to dawn in her mind. _Wait, what about me?_ After all, she was the one who took care of Lambo's bruises from I-Pin and had watched over Futa when he showed up at the school. Tsuna just complained about them all the time. _Those foolish fools...! I'll show them! _A shiver ran down her spine as a single snowflake landed on her nose. _Maybe not, coldcoldcold!  
_

The boys quickly settled on the idea of a snowball fight. The American's eye twitched as the snow silently roared in triumph as it plotted it's aerial assault. Reborn, dressed as a samurai (having changed into the outfit in the last ten seconds with some strange Vongola voodoo) gave out their teams, placing her with Dino, Ryohei, Gokudera and Lambo. Sulkily, she helped them set up bunker, putting a red muffler over her hand knitted replica of the Fourth Doctor's scarf.

As she and Dino built the snow wall, she scowled at him. "Why do we have to capture Leon? And build this thing? And be outside in this terrible weather in general?"

In return, he just mussed up her hair under her toque. "Don't be such a whiner, 'Crezia!" He chastised her lightly, "It'll be fun, I promise!"

"How come you aren't telling Gokudera to stop whining?" Behind them, the bomber muttered non-stop, with only words like 'boss' 'espionage' and 'return to your side' getting loud enough for the others to hear.

"I don't want to waste my breath."

"Fair enough."

Putting the finishing pats on the wall, they settled in and waited for Reborn's call to war, Lucrezia shivering between Dino and Ryohei. She'd been given to job of sneak attack, waiting for the battle to heat up so she could ninja in and grab Leon, since she was otherwise useless with her cast. By the time Reborn declared the game to be on, she was pretty sure she couldn't feel half of her toes.

Nobody moved at first, each waiting for the other team to strike, as Dino noted aloud. Lucrezia half expected a tumbleweed to roll through before Ryohei leapt up and dived out.

"We're not going to win without an extreme attack!" He roared as he charged forth. Behind him, his teammates face-palmed at his methods, knowing that he'd soon be attacked.

On the other side, Yamamoto stood up, his face going into 'super-serious baseball mode'. With a pitcher's moves, he threw the snow ball at top speed towards Ryohei, only to realize that there was something mighty and great in it's way:

Ryohei's fist.

"That sissy snowball was a marshmallow to my extreme right arm."

"Marshmallows..." Murmured Lucrezia, her mind drifting away, "I could really use some hot chocolate right now."

"Focus, 'Crezia!"

The boxer and the baseball player were getting even more intense on the field, with Tsuna and Futa in the back trying assist Yamamoto to no avail. Both teams stared in awe at Ryohei easily dispersing every 'marshmallow' coming his way. While Tsuna on the other side of the field wondered how his beloved Kyoko could possibly be related to the maniac, his blonde 'sister' reflected on it's truth - she'd been invited out the day before to a snowball fight with Kyoko, Hana, Ayano and some other friends of theirs, but declined. Later, she'd received a call from Ayano saying that she'd never participate in a snowball fight with Kyoko and Hana again. "They're monsters," she'd whispered in her horror, "Complete and utter monsters."

Oh, how 'Crezia wished Tsuna knew.

While she'd been remembering, I-Pin had jumped out to steal Leon from his pedestal. A hand on Lucrezia's back suddenly shoved her out into the open. "'Crezia, go! We'll cover you!" Called out Dino as he picked up a snowball and flung it backwards. Gokudera, in his irritation as the American stumbled towards the goal, attacked the nearing I-Pin, only to be repelled by gyoza kempo. The smell wafted down towards her team though, stopping their barrage, and Ryohei and Lucrezia took advantage of it and took a leap towards Leon.

An explosion behind them knocked them away and into snowbanks. Shrieking from the sudden cold all over her, the blonde whipped her head up and stared in horror at Gokudera, who'd betrayed them. Farther away lay Ryohei, obviously unconscious. "Damn it," she swore, sitting up as two men burst out of the snow in front of her bunker.

"We will protect our boss!" Cried out Romario, Bono and Ivan, clad only in their suits. Giving up, the blonde lay down again, deciding that this wasn't even worth bothering with anymore. She pointedly ignored the new Vongola vs. Chiavarone conflict (as she was a Bovino, after all), and even tried to ignore Bianchi's appearance and declaration of a third team. The less horrid, frigid white stuff she had to deal with, the better. She even considered a nap, but she figured that since she was covered in snow, that'd be pretty stupid.

Throughout the fight, she daydreamed, planning out her recent scheme to steal back her twelve cellphones, nine Blackberries and six gaming devices from the disciplinary committee's room, but figured it was about time to stand up and get the hell out of the way when the giant turtle appeared. Brushing off her clothes, she saw only one other person standing: Tsuna.

"Strong luck is part of being a boss." Dino's head pointed out from a giant snowball.

"Guess it's between 'Crezia and Tsuna then! Get Leon and settle it once and for all!" Cheerfully agreed Yamamoto's head.

"Holy shit!" Exclaimed the duck-haired girl, "That giant snowball has two heads!"

"NOT THE TIME, LUCREZIA!" Wailed Tsuna.

In a new outfit, Reborn agreed with the heads. "Do it, or their souls won't find peace."

"C'mon! They're not dead!" Whined Tsuna as they both chased after the Turbo-Leon. Though Lucrezia was faster, she was colder, and so her and Tsuna kept pace. "Is it okay for us to win like this?" He asked as they drew closer, "Won't they hate us for it later?"

"Haters gonna hate." She replied through gritted teeth before giving up and collapsing in the snow, "I'm too cold!"

A few seconds later she heard Tsuna slip and land face first in the snow. Not even being able to work up the effort for a token mocking, she instead listened to the crunching sound of approaching feet.

"What's this?" A very familiar and stalk-worthy voice asked, "And is that a huge tortoise?"

Once again, Lucrezia's head whipped up as Tsuna shrieked in horror. There, in nothing more than his school uniform, stood Kyoya Hibari, her glorious and completely unwilling knight in cotton-polyester blend armor holding a quivering mound of Leon.

"What are you doing here doing here on a Sunday?" Whimpered Tsuna, fully expecting death by tonfa.

Hibari smirked. "Thought I'd scare up a snowball fight." The last standing Sawada household members stared at him and disbelief. "I figured I'd pound anyone who happened to be around. It must be fate that you're both here. I'll make you two my targets."

Drawing up her last hidden dredges of strength, Lucrezia ran, abandoning Tsuna to his fate. She had almost reached the school when there was another, stronger explosion, the wind from it knocking her off her feet and sending her back into the snow. Popping her head back up, she sighed in defeat.

"Looks like one is still around." She looked up in terror at Hibari, who stood there with a menacing grin on his face. _He looks kind of hot like that..._ Her mind vaguely mentioned, only to go into full alert when her eyes landed on the snowball he was tossing briskly between his hands. "Guess I'll be having that snowball fight after all."

"Oh, son of a..."

This year, the snow had won.

* * *

_Dear Mama,_

_Tell Jeff to send me a burrito from Mexico. There is no delicious Mexican food in Namimori. NONE._

_Yours,_

_Lucrezia_

* * *

The most irritating thing about it all was that HE was the one taking off her cast. Of course, he'd also been the one putting it on, but at that time Hibari had dragged in a student that he'd 'disciplined', and had decided to stick around to make sure that the school nurse would not molest the students. Lucrezia liked to pretend that it was because the prefect cared for her, not because she'd been threatening the nurse with a lawsuit if he so much as touched any part of her other than her arm.

Yes, Doctor Shamal, the dirty pervert, was the one in charge of removing Lucrezia's cast.

"Be careful with where you cut it," she snapped at him, "And if you touch my thigh again, I won't just sue you but enlist the help of my Bianchi to put a hit on you!"

The doctor grinned lecherously. "I wouldn't mind that, no, not at all." Lucrezia face palmed with her free hand, wishing she'd thought ahead with her threat instead of just running her mouth. Normally, that one worked, but she was in the presence of a man who's continuing existence defied all natural law and order. Seriously, who could take that much poison cooking to the face and survive? It was strange and absurd and it should never happen. He was considered to be the Poison Scorpion's greatest failure.

They fell into silence, with the occasional smack to a wandering hand occurring every every two minutes or so. After removing her plaster, he began an examination of the arm to make sure it had healed properly.

"How is the other Lucrezia?" He asked, an eyebrow raised. She was surprised at this - he normally never asked about his ex-girlfriend.

"Dead," was her answer just to bother him, smirking when he jolted in shock, "As she has been, for twenty years. I thought you knew that about my nonna."

The American wondered if it was possible to start a collection of glares, with all the ones that she'd been getting lately. "Funny," he said curtly, "Real clever."

"Aren't I just? Zia Lulu is happily attempting to bring the Bovino famiglia up in the world and make the greatest organizations of the Mafia, from the Varia to the Vindice, tremble at her cow print stiletto heeled platform shoe clad feet."

"And failing miserably, I presume?"

"I would be slightly less sarcastic and exponentially more rich if she'd succeeded."

He paused in his check-up, which had irritatingly turned from her making sure her arm wasn't broken to taking chest measurements. "Does she still wear that mini-skirt?"

Pushing his arms away and standing up, she shrugged. "I haven't seen her since the Christmas before last, when she was deported from the U.S."

"What did she do?"

"The FBI says I'm not allowed to answer that question."

He snorted and waved her off. Sliding the door open, Lucrezia stepped out in the hallway and froze.

Leaning against the wall was Hibari, giving the window a dark and steady stare like he was measuring it up against every other window in the school and finding it deeply and disturbingly lacking. The Italian-American paused, not sure if she wanted to interrupt 'his moment', but he spared her from the decision by snapping his head towards her.

She gave him her most serious look. "Do I match the window?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Nothing. Did you know that I'm still having nightmares about your tiny head on a giant snowball chasing me down these hallways?"

Rolling his eyes, he settled back into his regular glare. "Do you intend to sue the school for harassment?"

She batted her eyelashes at him, smiling 'sweetly'. "Oh, don't be so coy, Hibari! You know you're here because you care for me, deep down inside~!"

Her back slammed into the wall as he shoved her against it, his face right up in hers so that she could get the full effect of his obvious fury. "I have dealt with your idiocy long enough, herbivore." He growled, his grip on her shoulders almost painful, "You are an irritation. You harass the committee, you follow me around despite being beaten for trying, you forced me to take your stupid chocolates and your hair makes you look like a duck."

"A duck-?"

"Leave me alone, herbivore. Don't come to my house, don't come to the reception room. Better yet, go back to your America." With a final push, the prefect stomped down the hallway, leaving behind a confused and hurt Lucrezia watching after him.

The doctor peered out his door to see if it was over. "Break-up with your not boyfriend?" Snapping out of her daze, the blonde shook her head.

"He's just on his man-period or something. He's never snapped at me like this before." With a pout, she tried to hide her near-tears face, "See if he gets his man-panties back now!"

"You... stole his underwear?"

"He's stolen multitudes of my things. I just returned the favor." A sniffle escaped from her as she rubbed her eyes.

Sighing, Shamal gave her a gentle shove down the hall. "Go home and eat some ice cream or something. Doctor's orders."

"But you're a crap-ass doctor..." A snap of a pill and she was racing down the hallway, trying to escape the mosquito flying after her with a vengeance.

* * *

"I'm home..." Lucrezia called out, her voice tired and heavy as she took off her shoes. As she straightened up, she looked around suspiciously as nobody greeted her.

"ZIIIIIAAAAA!"

Ah, there it was.

Ruffling up her hair, she groaned, stepping up into the house and stretching out her leg to be clung onto. In an instant, there was a small child on it. An unfamiliar small child. Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion until the kid looked up at her with teary eyes.

And then they furrowed some more.

"...Why is tolerable Lambo a child?"

"Ugh, how can you stand it, 'Crezia?" With a look of disgust, Hana skirted around her friend as she went to the door.

The blonde blinked now, since her eyebrows had reached the point where they could furrow no farther. "Hana, what're you doing here?" She asked, but her friend was already out the door. Turning to Tsuna, she gave him the most pathetically lost expression she could manage.

"Please, 'Crezia. Please, don't even ask."

"I am asking. Look into my eyes, Tsuna. Look deep into these stunningly sexy chocolate coloured eyes and tell me why my friend was here and why my nephew is in a confusing state of child and adult. Tell me. Please."

"You look like a frog."

A scowl replaced the pleading look. "Okay, tell me or I send Nana out shopping for something and insist that Bianchi cooks dinner."

The threat that could placate even Reborn on occasion. Giving up, the brunet groaned. "Hana wanted to meet older Lambo because she had a crush on him, and then the bazooka broke and everything just went nuts." Something seemed to occur to him. "Why didn't she just ask you if she could meet him? Aren't you two close?"

"Of course she couldn't ask me. He's my 'cousin', she can't ask _me_ if she can date him."

"What...?"

Rolling her eyes, she explained. "You know how with guys, a friend can't date another friend's sister? Like, no matter what? Well, it's kind of like that with girls, but not. You can go out with a girl's brother or cousin, but you can't actually ask your friend to set you up."

"Why not?"

"Because guys want sex and well - a friend and - uh - a sibling-!" Flustered, she waved her arms, "It's just weird!"

The brunet just shook his head at her. Americans were so silly.

* * *

A sneeze escaped her as she reached out to knock on the door. With a scowl, Lucrezia paused to wipe her nose on her sleeve before again reaching out to knock.

"Hachoo!"

Damn it.

It was another three attempts before she finally managed it, her eyes beginning to water. _Damn it, what's wrong with me?_ She mentally raged, waiting impatiently until the door finally opened.

The killing intent leaked out the door, as Hibari, fortunately for her unarmed, looked prepared to violently murder her with whatever he could get his hands on within ten seconds. "I told you to never come here again."

"And I accept that you're PMS-ing." With the kind of boldness that only the infamous idiots of the Bovino family could manage, she patted him on the shoulder, "There, there. It happens to everyone. I brought these over," she put a few DVDs into his hands, "I like to watch them when I'm on my period. I brought you some of this, too." Without meaning to, he glanced down at the objects.

Ai Shinni. Watashi no Shinyuu no Uedingu. Kyuuka no Furisu Bureru. Asagohan-bu.

And a carton of strawberry ice-cream.

Why did he have the sudden urge to slam a kotatsu into her head?

Lucrezia, though, had entered into another sneezing fit. Either she had developed allergies to the plants around that were to sneak out since the snow had melted away, or...

She glanced down at her thigh.

"No, no, noooo..." The blonde moaned when she saw the small red bump. "Why did I have to taunt him, why?"

The prefect stared at it impassively. "And what is that?"

Her brown eyes were filled with horror as she stared up at him. "A mosquito bite. That stupid doctor got me with one of his diseases! Gross!"

"Hmm..." The once pissed off Hibari was now eerily amused, "What exactly is your disease?"

"I don't know, he didn't tell me!" Before she began wailing, she realized that she did have her thirteenth cellphone on her. Quickly, she sent a text to Shamal's phone, grateful that her aunt had forgotten her's in Scarborough when the FBI had caught up with her and arrested for something to do with three midgets, an elephant, and the Goodyear blimp, allowing her niece to steal all of her contacts.

**Shamal. What have you done to me?**

The doctor replied back instantly, to her surprise.

**I'm sorry, my dear, I have that effect on all women.**

A slap to the head from Hibari cut her shriek of indignation short.

**I AM REFERRING TO THE DISEASE, PERVERT.**

Ding!**  
**

**Oh, antiquitis, an allergy to antiques. Have fun breaking into that prefect kid's house now, pervert~**

She would've sworn if she hadn't already used up all the swears she'd bought off the swear jar that morning. As it was, she allowed herself a small whimper as she began to sneeze again. Hibari's house had to be what, one, two centuries old? Not to mention she'd noticed that all of his furniture and decorations were passed down through the families for generations (with modern amenities added in). That stupid school nurse was right - she wouldn't be able to sneak in anymore.

At least, not without getting caught.

The fit was lasting longer this time and she doubled over, dropping her cell phone and holding her mouth and nose as the continuous sneezes made her feel like she was about throw up. Once she got herself back under control, noting that the longer she stayed here the worse it grew, she reached down to pick up her dropped gadget, only to realize that it wasn't there.

It was in Hibari's hands.

And he was reading the last message received with a wide, triumphant smirk.

"Herbivore, I don't believe I've shown you the storage room where my family keeps it's oldest treasures, have I?"

Her eyes widened as she began to panic. "Ah, no, but - hachoo! - I really need to be going...!"

"I insist." Grabbing her by the collar, he dragged her down the hall, victorious at last.

* * *

_Dear Mama_,

_I got my cast off today! I'm sending it to Jeff as promised, with translations on the baseball plays so that he can use them for the company team. Also, Bianchi is now giving I-Pin cooking lessons. Please fear for our lives, as mine and Tsuna's fear has reached it's natural limit._

_Yours,_

_Lucrezia_

* * *

_Why did Reborn have to send us to the zoo...?_ The American whined mentally, holding her snotty nephews hand as she, I-Pin and Futa walked through the gate behind the others. Gokudera had already wandered off to find a place to smoke and avoid his sister, while Ryohei ran off screaming about bears, leaving her and the kids with Haru and Yamamoto.

"I think a wolf would suit Tsuna the best!" Declared Haru firmly, "Strong, independent, and aloof, just like him!"

"Do we even know the same person?" Drawled Lucrezia sarcastically, "He needs something like a chicken. Or a bug."

"What!" Haru shrieked, getting riled up and glowering at the blonde, who met her glare with equal ferocity. Yamamoto quickly drew back Haru as Futa nervously tried to calm them down.

Pulling out his book, Futa gave them a shaky smile at them. "Let's go and rank the animals for which one would be Tsuna-nii's best companion!"

The girls calmed down at this and nodded, but 'Crezia couldn't resist an extra swipe. "Good idea, Futa. We'll start at the insect house."

"You-!"

"Maa maa, calm down you two!"

Eventually, the five of them split for the greater good, I-Pin and Lucrezia splitting from Haru, Yamamoto and Futa to search for Lambo, who'd run off. Of course, the Italian-American insisted that they not neglect their original mission and the girls took their time, pausing by the monkeys to enjoy their antics before dismissing them as too energetic for the boy who enjoyed lazing about every Sunday morning. Besides, I-Pin mentioned that her master had a pet monkey and they decided that repeats were to be advised against.

"Ah! Over there!" I-Pin pointed toward an enclosure nearby that had familiar wails emitting from it.

_Raccoons? In a zoo?_ The New Yorker shook her head at this nonsense as they ran up to the fence to get her nephew. When she reached it, she saw out of the corner of her eye familiar figures running off. "Tsuna! Kyoko!" She called after them, but though Kyoko glanced back, neither of them stopped. "How cute! They're acting like they're on a date!" The shipper inside her squealed.

"ZIA! THE RACCOONS ARE EATING ME!"

Oh right. She still had to save Lambo. Drat.

After negotiating with the zoo employees and receiving a stern warning to keep a better eye on her nephew, Lucrezia dragged off the two children to find out where their other three group members were. She didn't need anyone to tell her where Ryohei was though - the raging screams and demands to let him fight the bears traveled all over the zoo.

A pulling at the ends of her hair attracted her attention to I-Pin. "What's wrong?"

"Lambo escaped again!"

Lucrezia found herself wondering if swearing in Finnish counted.

By the time they'd found him ten minutes later, he'd already been rescued from being beaten by a couple of thug-like otters by the timing, skills and charm of Takeshi Yamamoto, who'd not only leapt into the enclosure to rescue the poor child, but was being regarded as a hero by everyone around, even having the same employees who'd scolded her slap him on the back in congratulations. The world, she decided, was simply unfair.

"'Crezia! Why weren't you watching Lambo?" Accused Haru as the little boy happily clung to her leg.

A sigh escaped the American's lips. Sometimes she could get along with the brunette, other days they wanted to brutally murder each other. "I was. He ran off when I was listening to Ryohei attempt to fight bears."

Not letting the irritated cosplayer make a retort, Yamamoto burst out laughing. "Ha ha, that's so like Sasagawa!" Patting both of the girls on the head, he steered them away from the otters, "Let's go find Tsuna, yeah? Before he gets into more trouble."

A loud explosion occurred nearby.

"Tsuna, in trouble? No, no, the boy is practically the anti-thesis of destruction."

"...'Crezia, don't use big words."

"Sorry, Yam-yam, didn't mean to overwork your three braincells."

Even running, they didn't quite make it in time. Behind Tsuna and Kyoko were four unconscious lions, one with Ryohei pumping his fist above it, two with a nauseous Gokudera lying between them and the cause of his sickness, Bianchi, examining a lion's flanks and muttering about herbs and arsenic. Tsuna looked entirely relieved when he saw the slightly more sane group of six jog up to them.

"Are you guys okay?" Called out Haru as she and Lucrezia went to help up Kyoko from her seat on the ground while Yamamoto and Futa checked on Gokudera and Lambo and I-Pin played tag around the large cats.

"You guys are here too? Why?" Tsuna was gaping at everyone around.

Bianchi stared at him in confusion. "You're asking why? We came because of you!"

"I was thinking that it's about time for you to get a pet companion like Leon or Enzio." Filled in Reborn from his sudden appearance on the fence nearby, "I wanted some help in picking a pet that's suitable for Tsuna, so I asked them to come."

"D-don't go and decide things like that on your own!"

Haru spoke up. "But everyone was busy and the times didn't work out, so everyone just decided to randomly meet up here."

The blonde patted her housemate on the back in a vague form of comfort. "Could be worse. Hibari outright refused to show up."

"HIIII! HIBARI WAS INVITED TOO? Uh, then...!" The poor Vongola boss stared at Kyoko in defeat.

The orange-y brunette smiled sweetly at him. "I felt that with Tsuna's appearance, a hamster or squirrel would be best. But actually, Tsuna," a light blush appeared on Kyoko's cheeks as Lucrezia's inner shipper roared in triumph, "I think you're more reliable than that."

"A _beetle_ is reliable - OW!" With a kick to 'Crezia's head, Reborn jumped down and grabbed one of the unconscious creatures, tossing it on his student's back.

"For now, let's pick a lion."

"I DON'T NEED IT! OOF!"

"Hey you kids! What're you doing?" The group spun around to see a number of zoo employees running towards them, their faces a mix between shock and fury.

As one, the mafiosos of the Vongola and Bovino families stood up and ran.

(They eventually returned the lion after Nana informed them that there was no place to keep it.

Reborn sulked for days.)

* * *

_Dear Mama,_

_Turn it on and off. That should fix it. Yes, really. That is what Jeff does when your computer freezes. Trust me. Do it.  
_

_Yours, _

_Lucrezia_

* * *

Lucrezia trailed behind Gokudera, Yamamoto and Tsuna sulkily as they made their way to the park for the sakura viewing. Though she'd tried to stay out of it, citing plans with Ayano, Hana and Chihiro to view the flowers somewhere else, Bianchi had forced her to go to make sure that the boys, who had no taste in aesthetics at all due to their Y chromosome, _obviously_, found somewhere actually worth staking out.

"Whoa..." Yamamoto's voice snapped her out of her thoughts, "What luck!"

"We're the first!" Cheered the bomber as Tsuna sighed in relief. Lucrezia just scowled and checked the time on her cell phone, wondering if she could still make it to the cake shop in time to meet her friends.

However, the boys' celebration was cut short.

"This area is off-limits." Announced a thug familiar to Lucrezia. A cocky grin popped up on her face. Kawamura was one of the meanest members of the Student Disciplinary Committee, but he was also one that was easy for Lucrezia to trick and toy with. "This avenue of trees is already reserved. So get out."

The Vongolas weren't going to back down too easily, though. Even Tsuna, who normally wold be either running or suggesting that they run, was hesitant to go, fearing Bianchi's wrath. "Hey, c'mon, no fair." Complained their baseball player, "This is public property."

The prefect cracked his knuckles threateningly. "I didn't say I was gonna negotiate. So clear off, now."

_Ah, strong arming_, Lucrezia smiled happily inside, making sure to keep up her outwardly sulky appearance, _after years in all-girls schools, the Disciplinary Committee can be so refreshing~_

"Shaddup!" Snapped Gokudera as he flashed forward, kneeing Kawamura in the gut. The prefect slumped to the ground in pain as Yamamoto and Tsuna watched in shock and Lucrezia hid a malicious giggle.

"I wondered what the fuss was, and it's you guys." Stepping out from behind a tree, Hibari cast a smirk at them all. Probably still gloating over locking her in the storage room for two hours the week before, 'Crezia figured, though she'd gotten the last laugh when she managed to escape and caught him watching one of the movies she'd lent him. Oblivious to her internal monologue, the committee chairman carried on, "I wanted to view the flowers away from the crowd... That's why I had him keep people out."

He scowled now at his minion lying on the ground. "But it seems you weren't of much us," he growled, "I'll take care of the rest." Ignoring the pleas of Kawamura, Hibari whipped out his tonfa, swinging it out, "Weaklings can return to the Earth!" The crack of steel against bone echoed around the park. As the others there gasped in horror, Hibari looked up to stare at them dead on. "You see, I don't care to be above of people," he informed them icily, "It calms me more when I'm on top of corpses."

"Hey, hey Tsuna!" Whispered Lucrezia as she tugged on the freaked out boy's sleeve, "Is it wrong that I think that was _really frickin' awesome_?" She grinned in a way that made Tsuna shiver with fear almost as much as he did with Hibari's display of violence.

"Very wrong, 'Crezia, very wrong!"

"Boo, you suck..."

An obnoxious voice permeated the air, causing Gokudera and Lucrezia to flinch unconsciously. "Man, this is awesome! Such an awesome sight! There's nothing like viewing cherry blossoms!" Peeling out from behind a tree was Shamal, liquor bottle loosely held in hand, "Sheesh! Only guys? Yuck! Well, that brat over there barely counts as a girl..."

"FUCK YOU SHAMAL! Crap, that was my last five hundred yen..."

"You're still here?" Fumed the silver-haired bomber, "Womanizing quack!"

Another person showed up in the tree, leaving Lucrezia curious as to how the trees could summon people. Like portals. "I called him out." Announced Reborn as the drunken doctor demanded that the boys find some girls who were actually cute.

"It's the baby. I'm glad to see you." Noted Hibari, a pleased look on his face. Though Lucrezia was currently in her tsun-tsun mode towards him after the storage shed incident, she couldn't help but be jealous of Reborn for getting that look.

"We want to view flowers, too." Reborn told him, "How about it, Hibari? Tsuna says he's willing to challenge you for the right to this area."

Tsuna's jaw dropped. "WHAT! I said no such thing!"

"A game..." Mused the prefect, "Sure, why not. I was about to beat them all anyway. I'll take each of you, one-on-one. If your knee hits the ground, you lose."

"Huh? We're fighting?" Shrieked Tsuna.

"Aww, I was gonna suggest Uno..." Lucrezia pouted.

The other two were up for it, though. "Let's do it, boss!" Agreed Gokudera as Yamamoto declared that he would play as long as Hibari followed the rules.

"Don't worry," the hitman toddler smiled unconvincingly, "That's why I called the doctor."

"He only treats women!" One had to be grateful for Nana's soothing honey tea - otherwise Tsuna would've worn out his vocal cords long, long ago.

Shamal sleezily slid up where Hibari was standing, leering at him. "Hmm... So you're the troublemaker. You got an older sister?"

WHACK!

"Get lost."

The boys ignored Lucrezia's cheer as they stared in horror at the fallen doctor. Finally, Gokudera stepped up. "Boss, I'll win the rights to the best flower-viewing spot."

"But Gokudera, the opponent is..."

Reborn interrupted Tsuna's feeble objections. "Just watch."

The silver-haired Italian charged forward, eyes blazing. "I'm gonna take you down!"

"Y'know, Gokudera really needs a catchphrase," mused Lucrezia aloud, completely out of the blue as her subject was nearly smacked down by the object of her affections, "He's the Smoking Bomb, right? He should be all like, 'I'll smoke you!'. It'd be much cooler."

"Ha ha, that would be cool! Like a shonen manga!"

"But we don't live in a shonen manga, you two-!"

BOOM! The three of them twitched at the sound of explosives. "Huh? Did he really get Hibari?" Cried out Tsuna in shock as Lucrezia's face fell. She'd been rooting for Hibari - not only because of her one-sided love-hate relationship, but because if he won, she'd be able to go and view the flowers with her friends and eat real food, not Bianchi's noxious creations!

"And...?" A voice from the smoke questioned, bringing relief to the stricken blonde. Hibari twirled his tonfas, sweeping away the smoke so that he could see. "What's next?"

"Wha-! He used his tonfa to deflect the bomb blast?" Gokudera ducked as Hibari swung his tonfa over his head, sparing a moment to glower at his fellow Italian who'd started clapping the instant his knee touched the ground.

"Gokudera's knee touched the ground," announce Reborn from the sidelines, "Stop!"

But the prefect had turned bloodthirsty. "Don't wanna." A maniacal grin appeared on his face and his cheeks were flushed as he lunged forward.

_He... he's getting off on this, isn't he?_

A blur of movement from her right alerted her to Yamamoto leaping forward, clashing a sword against the steel Okinawan tonfas.

"Hey, wait. When did Yamamoto get a sword?" Asked 'Crezia in confusion, staring at it with squinty suspicious eyes.

"It transformed from his baseball bat. I gave it to him when we were training." Answered Reborn cheerfully.

"You were-?"

"It's also a telescope!"

...She refused to even answer him after that.

Though Yamamoto managed to trade off a few blows with Hibari, the smaller boy had another trick up his sleeve - a hook popping out of his tonfa, latching on to the sword. With an easy twist of his arm, the brutal boy slammed the baseball player into the ground, knocking out another contender. Behind the last two opponents of Hibari's, Reborn smirked evilly.

"Your turn, Lucrezia~"

"Eh?" She managed to ask before a tiny foot slammed into her back, pushing her forward enough that she'd be in Hibari's way but not off balance enough to fall. The prefect smirked at her, tucking away one his tonfas and pulling out something else from his coat:

An old looking paper fan.

"No!" Squeaking, she attempted to dive backwards but was frozen in her spot by Reborn's evil glare. Slowly, she turned around again to face Hibari, who looked like he was having the time of his life beating on the cretins. With a dramatic flourish, he waved the fan in front of her, snapping it right in front of her face. She squished her eyes closed and prepared for the barrage of sneezes.

Nothing.

Not even a sniffle.

Hesitantly, she opened one eye, glancing at the black haired boy in front of her who was openly scowling at the fan.

"Umm, Hibari? I think you got conned..."

WHAM!

She hit the cherry blossom tree with a loud thunk and slid down, clutching her head in pain._ It's not my fault you're such an idiot!_ She mentally wailed at him, unwilling to taunt him into smacking her with a tonfa again. With wary eyes, the duck-haired girl watched Tsuna's fight, impressed up until the point where the Dying Will Bullet wore off. Then something else impressed her.

Hibari sinking to his knees.

Wonderful, glorious, vicarious revenge.

"What? Did I win?" Tsuna stared in shock, not entirely sure what had just happened.

"Not really." Ah, there was the evil toddler to rain on everyone's parades, "It was his doing."

They all followed his gaze to Shamal, lying against another tree and rubbing the back of his head, complaining loudly.

Reborn, king of exposition, caught them up. "The moment Shamal was hit, he activated a Trident Mosquito."

"Y'mean that sot actually did something clever?" The Vongola boss managed to sum up everyone's feelings quite nicely.

"Well now, I've been in more life-or-death situations than you," pointed out the skeevy doctor, "On top of which, he's been struck with Vertiginous Cherryitis, which makes him dizzy when he's around cherry blossoms."

It was like an explosion of kittens and sunshine and flowers burst in Lucrezia's chest. She could get back at him for locking in her the storage room. Whenever he pissed her off, she could attack him with cherry blossoms and then bend him to her will. Who cares if they were only in season for a short time every year? She had _money_. She could just order them from someplace where they were blooming!

Life was beautiful~

* * *

Kusakabe honestly didn't know what to do.

His boss, the chairman of the Student Disciplinary Committee, was being followed on his rounds throughout the school by the irritant Lucrezia James, who was joyously skipping behind him and tossing up little pink cherry blossom petals from a wicker basket. And the chairman wasn't even _doing_ anything. Not attacking her for messing up the hallways, not for being noisy, or crowding. He fact, he just looked sick and wobbly on his feet.

But finally, he appeared to have had enough. "Herbivore," he snarled, "I can assure you that these are authentic!" His coat billowing out, Hibari grabbed two objects out of the secret inner pockets, "These scrolls have been in my family since the meiji era!" In response, the girl tossed out more petals as she began sneezing.

"Hachoo! Hachoo!"

Wobble, wobble.

It was the lamest fight Kusakabe ever had the misfortune of witnessing.

* * *

**First of all - this chapter was very evil to write.**

**Second of all - Lucrezia's allergy is courtesy of my anonymous reviewer who constantly changes her name/future roommate.**

**Third of all - in the VIZ released Reborn manga (which is what I use when writing), when Yamamoto is thrown to the ground by Hibari in the fight for the cherry blossom viewing spot, they made it look like he's the one saying 'Yamamoto', not Tsuna. YAMAMOTO IS A POKEMON. FACT.**

**And, fourth of all - vote and review~**

**(Bonus points if you figure out what the names of the horribly-translated-into-Japanese movies are.)  
**


	10. Desolation Bullet and Co!

**I've been having health and general life issues. Shut up and take your chapter.**

**The movies that Lucrezia had given Hibari last chapter were Love Actually, My Best Friend's Wedding, Ferris Bueller's Day Off and The Breakfast Club. His least favourite was obviously Ferris Bueller. That kid needs to be_ bitten to death_. Points to edge for Breakfast Club and to jrlrock for trying to decipher my mangled Japanese.**

**And the poll is over now, the final tally being Mukuro - 20, Yamamoto - 10, Basil - 7, Gokudera - 6, Xanxus - 6, Dino - 4, Tsuna - 3 and Longchamp - 3. Thank you to all the voters, and let me inform you that it was all in vain. I had chosen the 'rival' long before I made the poll. But due to the overwhelming support for Mukuro, which I really don't understand and would appreciate some people explaining it, I will toss in a good deal of ship tease because I love you all. Same with Basil. Probably not Yamamoto, though, because every time I write them together he just gets insulted.**

**I still don't own Reborn, despite my psychic efforts to convince Amano to give me the rights to it.**

* * *

**Chapter Ten: Desolation Bullet, Invaders From Planet New York and a Ring**

* * *

_Dear Mama,_

_When is Jeff planning to send me the new Doctor Who episodes? There are spoilers online, I can't avoid them for the rest of my life! I NEED THE EPISODES AND ANY RELATED MERCHANDISE._

_Yours,_

_Lucrezia_

* * *

Unbeknown to the two leaders of the Student Disciplinary Committee, there really was a secret black magic club of Hibari fangirls. They lurked in the darkest corners of the science lab rooms, plotting and scheming away on how to keep rival females away from their beloved prefect. Sometimes they used their black magic and voodoo dolls, and sometimes they used intimidation. But black magic wasn't the group's only focus.

When the Student Disciplinary went on their witch hunt to find these extremist fans, they didn't just find a fanclub.

They found the only other doujin circle in the school.

For a few months, it was all quite fun. Every Wednesday after the duties of the committee and every second Monday before class, the two groups would meet and discuss their mutual interest. They would share their works and others that inspired them, and even the two chief screentoners began to date. Their main ship was Hibari and Namimori-tan. They were the golden days.

But it all fell apart one cold spring day...

"What the Hell is this?" Tomie snapped, holding up the disciplinary committee's latest creation. Her long black hair, tied up to look a bit like floppy dog ears, was practically crackling with her electric rage. Uodoru, the head story writer blinked at her in surprise, pointing out that it was obviously a doujinshi, to the giggles of the rest of the group.

But Tomie wasn't taking any sass. "This is not a Hibari-slash-Namimori-tan doujin. This is, for some utterly bizarre and disgusting reason, a Hibari-slash-LUCREZIA JAMES doujin."

Behind her, the girls gasped in horror, Chiyo staring at Hibuzawa in hurt and betrayal as he began to stammer. However, Uodoru had prepared for this moment, his defense ready. He explained that the DisciComm circle was impressed and touched by the foreigner's devotion to her love interest and that they found their chairman's tsundere actions towards her the perfect fodder a new set of doujinshi. But he should've known better than to try and use logic with a fangirl.

Her fury could be felt throughout the school, many students having a shiver run down their spines as they moved faster, unconsciously trying to escape.

Except for one Lucrezia James, who approached the school on the first day back with no idea what was in store for her...

* * *

"I strenuously object to the fact that I'm still in Japan."

Tsuna stared at his blonde housemate in surprise. It'd been months since she'd last complained about her situation, and he'd thought that she was over it. But the glum look on her face clearly said that she had been hit by a bout of homesickness. It had been a while since Lucrezia had visited home, and now she was longing for the old rainy and bitter weather like she never would've believed before. Plus, she'd been busy with exams and couldn't game with Jasmine and a general lack of inspiration had left at least four programming projects unfinished. Sighing, she dragged her feet as she followed Tsuna up to the class lists.

Ignoring his mutterings, she stared at the board, chewing the inside of her cheek with a frown. Her name was easy to pick up, the katakana striking against the backdrop of kanji. Everything else was just a mystery, so she waited for Tsuna to finish looking for his so that he could fill her in.

"This can't be!" He cried out in shock and horror, "Do I have to repeat the first year?"

A pair of bespectacled eyes stared at him incredulously. "You can't be that pathetic."

"Shut up, 'Crezia - huh?" With a look of surprise, Lucrezia watched the brunet tear an obnoxious decoration off of the board, revealing his name, "There! It was covered!" She listened to him list off their friends, grabbing at sleeve once or twice to see if her own were there. Satisfied with his answers, she set off to check and see if the disciplinary committee still had control over the reception room, only to be stopped by a spontaneous celebration.

"Hey Longchamp! Congrats on being promoted to the second year!" Three people, an old man, a lolita girl, and what looked like a dumpling on legs, were tossing some punk up in the air as the guy laughed along.

"Woah! Hey! Peace, peace!" He cried out as they put him down. Tsuna stood behind the bemused girl, an exasperated look on his face until the boy called out to him. "Oh! Sawada! Yoo hoo! Over here!" His uniform was completely thrashed. His hair was a bright, horrible red and he had the stupidest look on his face that made her want to smack him. Or report him to Hibari for completely disrespecting the school uniform policy. That sounded like a nice way to lift her mood.

The idiot, Longchamp, continued on chatting away about the Mafia and how he was the eighth generation boss of the Tomaso as Lucrezia's patience and respect for the family dropped very, very quickly. She was already feeling incredibly lonely without Jasmine, and she even missed her mother's clucking over her outfit and wishes of getting her to a good stylist and ridding her of the duck-like hair, and Jeff's laughter from the kitchen where he brewed his coffee and ruffled her hair before heading to work. She was happy where she was, but she still missed home.

Longchamp's attention turned to her and she gave him her best Monday morning bitchface. Instead of the cowering (or, alternatively, tonfa smack) that she was used to, he simply stared at her in awe for a moment, looking as though he had witnessed the birth of Venus. A goofy grin showed up and he reached over and vigorously grabbed her by the arm.

"Wow! You're so cute! You should be my girlfriend!"

Next to her, Tsuna watched in shock as red began to tint her cheeks. Gently, Lucrezia pried away her arm and held up a hand, a sheepish grin on her face. "I'm, ah, terribly sorry to do this to you, Longchamp," a little giggle escaped from her mouth, terrifying her 'little brother', "But I already have a boyfriend."

The redhead's jaw dropped with his fellow Mafia boss's. "Lame!" He cried out in despair, "That's totally lame. Know, though, that you always have a place in the heart of Naito Longchamp!" Grasping her close, he kissed on the cheek and then pushed her away, skipping back to his group.

Clearing her throat, the blonde turned to leave. Naito gave her a look of horror. "No! Where are you going? I want to introduce you to my family as the future wife of the eighth generation Tomaso boss!"

"I have business to attend to." She insisted as she walked away. Tsuna latched onto her arm.

"Don't leave me! What business could you possibly have on the first day of school?"

"I'm going to go find Hibari." She hissed back.

The boy's brown eyes were full of unshed tears. "He'll just beat you up! And who is this boyfriend of yours, anyway?"

"Hibari. Duh."

"No way!"

As Yamamoto and Gokudera approached, Lucrezia escaped to the reception room, peeking inside to see a stand-off.

Three members of the student council were standing before the bored head prefect seated at the desk, his second-in-command standing behind him and wearing a stern look. Judging by the offensive style triangle formation that the council was in, Lucrezia guessed that they were attempting a coup. She slid behind the door so that she could listen in without Hibari ordering Kusakabe to throw her out the window, an unfortunate reoccurring event. Pulling out her cell phone and hitting record for the sake of feeling like a spy, she listened in.

"The Student Disciplinary Committee has too much power!" Declared the Student Council president. The image of a rather stereotypical looking Japanese nerd with slicked back hair and glasses popped up into the American's mind. "We, the Student Council, demand that you scale back your expenses, remove yourselves from the reception room and return the executive power of the Student Council."

"No."

Well, that was easy enough.

"We will take this issue before the principal and the teachers if we must! You abuse your power, you don't even bother to attend class, and all of the students live in fear! We are the representatives of the students, and we say that this cannot continue!"

There was a silence in the room, and a bit of respect grew in Lucrezia's heart for the president. Well, respect and pity. Because she knew what would happen next.

"Kusakabe, remove them."

The blonde watched the three fly out of the room and slam into the wall across from the door with some amusement. The Student Council president, depressingly not a nerd, but just a regular guy, pulled himself up and, with an attempt at menacing glare at Kusakabe, stalked off, his minions following behind him. Twirling around, Lucrezia was about to prance into the room when the door slammed shut in her face. With a scowl, she rapped sharply on the door. Voices could be heard on the other side of the door, but it didn't budge. She rapped again, harder, and muttered about her knuckles being sore.

Still, the door didn't open.

"I'M DONE BEING POLITE!" She roared as swung the door open, only to be met with a paperweight to the face.

"I wasn't aware that you ever were." Replied Hibari, pushing a small stack of signed papers towards Kusakabe, who was frowning at her for barging in like that.

Tossing the paperweight onto the desk, and grinning gleefully when it knocked the pen out of Hibari's hands, Lucrezia contentedly flopped down onto the couch, grinning cheekily at the committee members. "Well, aren't we all having a lovely start to new year? You two have caused a rebellion to stir, and I have a new romantic suitor~"

Both boys stared at her skeptically. "_You_ have a romantic suitor?" Snarled Hibari, hoping to get his disbelief across to the smirking girl.

It got there, but fangirls are noted for their twisted logic.

"Are you jealous?" She giggled irritatingly, "Ah, don't worry, Hibari, you're still my favourite!"

He stared at her consideringly.

"Kusakabe, remove _her_."

"Oy!" She shrieked as she was tossed into the hallway. With a pout, she stomped off to her class, ignoring the fact that it had already started. Reaching the doorway, she realized that there was an obstacle blocking her way into the classroom.

A rather _large_ obstacle.

A girl - no, Lucrezia wasn't even sure if that was the correct term - a _mountain wearing a girl's uniform_ stood in front of her near the door. Blushing sweetly, the uni-browed mountain smiled at her with its gleaming chihuahua-like eyes. A shiver rolled down the blonde's back as it began to approach her.

"Are you in Naito's class?" The strangely kind and oddly fleshy mountain asked. After Lucrezia's nervous nod, the mountain smiled. "I'm Terumi, Naito's girlfriend. It's very nice to meet you."

"I'm... Lucrezia. His girlfriend...?" Cautiously asked the half-Italian.

Terumi nodded eagerly. "Yes! He says that I'm one of the prettiest girls he's ever seen."

The prettiest girl? Eyebrows furrowing, Lucrezia thought long and hard about that phrase. There was just something wrong with it.

Prettiest girl... prettiest girl...

Wait.

If he thought that mountain was pretty...

Then what did that mean about her, who he called cute?

She whipped through the doorway, her face murderous and shocking the entire classroom who had just been murmuring pitying words about their new class president. Said president was sobbing on the floor when he looked up to see the temperamental girl glowering at him. Mangusta and Tsuna held their breath, waiting to see if the Desolation Bullet had an effect on the blonde.

"HOW DARE YOU CALL ME UGLY!"

And Naito Longchamp, clad only in his underwear, went flying out the window.

* * *

_Dear Mama,_

_I don't think I'll come home for the twenty-sixth. I'd just rather stay here, okay?_

_Yours,_

_Lucrezia_

_P.S. I'm pretty, right?_

* * *

Ah, it was clubs season.

That time of the year when school clubs try to recruit the innocent new freshmen into their clubs and charge them hefty fees for it - which are then paid to the Disciplinary Committee so that they can continue to function. As a Mafia-raised girl, Lucrezia could appreciate this method. Already, four clubs had tried to drag her in, having missed her the last season since she hadn't been there, only to be turned down every time.

However, most clubs wouldn't take 'no' for an answer, fearing the committee's wrath if they didn't have the money. So, five times (Ryohei had attempted to recruit her twice), Lucrezia to make some clever and sneaky escape from their clutches. The pottery club was easy enough, since all she had to do was smash their precious little plates, vases and bowls until they were weeping too much to notice her leap out the window. The boxing club was also quite easy ("Hey, what's that over there?" "What's what? I don't see anything - JAMES! Come back and join the boxing club!"). But the drama club and calligraphy club were vicious - the drama club because they wanted more funding and the calligraphy club because they desperately needed the members. To escape the drama club, she stole one of their tree costumes and escaped through means of disguise. The calligraphy club had members of the Momokyo-kai yakuza, 'cousins' of the president, grabbing people and hauling them in. She ended up calling Hibari to deal with the problem, even if it did mean that he smashed her cell phone against the ground for breaking the rules.

Lucrezia had now taken to boredly wandering about the school, not even sure if she did want to join a club or not. For a very, very brief moment she considered trying to join the Disciplinary Committee since all of the members in it seemed immune to the 'no electronics' rule, but she then figured that it would be too much effort to actually give out detentions and such.

Yawning, she decided to head up to the roof and relax, since people knew that it was one of Hibari's favourite nap spots and would avoid it. She meandered past the science labs, not expecting a thing.

A black bag fell over her head and hands latched onto her arms. Struggling and kicking wildly, the blonde was dragged out of the hallway to somewhere she could not tell, though she figured that she was in one of the science rooms since the journey barely lasted three minutes. They shoved her into one of the cupboards and pushed something heavy against it so she couldn't get out.

Scowling about how her hair was going to be even more messy after this (duck-styles rarely managed to look 'neat'), Lucrezia tore the bag off of her head, muttering curses when her elbows and shoulders smacked against the walls. Readjusting her glasses, her eyes widened in alarm when she realized that thanks to the light seeping in through the door's cracks, she could see what was in front of her.

A skeleton.

Her legs began to shake.

"Let. Me. Out of here." She snarled, banging on the door, trying to push it open. Skeletons were not cool. Skeletons were up there with hospitals on the not cool list. In fact, skeletons could be placed on the same level as corpsecampers when you're a level one newbie on a game. Her banging became even faster as she watched the lights turn out, leaving her in complete blackness. "LET ME OUT NOW, OR I SWEAR ON MY MOTHER'S EXTENSIVE SKIN CARE REGIMEN THAT I WILL-"

The door swung open and she gracelessly fell out, smacking her nose and forehead onto the ground. Pushing herself up and prepared to give her captors the rant of a lifetime, she froze when saw what was waiting for her.

Seven figures draped in black cloaks stood ominously before her. Behind them, lit candelabras adorned the tables, casting eerie shadows everywhere, and on the floor lay odd books. If she didn't know any better, the American would have said that they were manga...

"Lucrezia James." Their apparent leader spoke out, stepping forward from the semi-circle that she and minions had formed, "We demand that you cease all relations with our beloved Hibari at once!"

Oh God. It was the black magic communist Hibari fanclub.

She was never trusting Kusakabe again.

The leader was going on about this and that, complaining that it was indecent how the foreigner threw herself at their idol, how she was shameless and a black mark on the reputations of all of Hibari's fangirls, and that Hibari belonged to everyone and he probably thought that she was disgusting and -

"Wimp."

The cloaked leader stopped dead. The surrounding fangirls murmured uneasily as their hostage stood up, brushing off her skirt and glowering like the granddaughter of Mafia boss that she was. Hands on her hips, the pierced girl jutted out her chin imperiously, narrowing her eyes in a manner that reminded the girls of their object of affection.

"You complete and utter wimps. Maybe if you actually bothered _trying_ to get close to him, you wouldn't have to lurk around in stupid cloaks and use 'black magic' to keep other girls away from him. I actually bothered to try, and I am far closer to him than any of you are." Clicking her tongue in disappointment, the blonde shook her head, "Really, now, I expected better from such notorious communists."

The fangirls stared at her strangely, unsure of what she meant by calling them communists, but Lucrezia was far too wrapped up in her own monologue to care. "You know what? Hibari tolerates me. I might even go as far as to say that he _likes_ me. I've been in his house, I lend him movies, I help him with his homework-" Okay, maybe she was fudging a little there, "Were he anyone else, we'd be called friends. And look at you little worms, crawling around in the shadows while I flounce around in the reception room, day after day. The thing is, I'm better than you. I'm bolder than you. I'm _stronger_ than you. I don't fear your Japanese way of 'losing face'. I'm a proud, shameless, obnoxious Italian-American, and that's why I beat you all. Now," stretching her arms out in front of her and cracking her knuckles, the cocky grin on the Bovino girl's face turned demonic.

"What're you guys going to offer me so I that don't rat you out to Hibari...?"

Later, after they had been stripped of nearly all their valuables, their money, their cloaks, and even their doujinshi, one girl dared to consider the fact that between their sheer ruthlessness and extortionist ways, the prefect and tech geek almost suited one another.

Tomie refused to speak for three days.

* * *

Skipping along, Lucrezia hummed a merry little tune. In her arms she carried a large collection of doujinshi (unsurprisingly starring Hibari, surprisingly one starring _her_), some cloaks, seven cell phones (she knew she wasn't the only one who broke that rule), about thirty-thousand yen and a pretty little charm bracelet with little tonfas and silver kanji pendants that read 'prefect'.

That last one creeped her out a bit.

Even though she was his chief stalker, wearing jewellery like that was taking it a bit far in her opinion. Sure, she'd broken into his house and stolen his underwear before, but that was for revenge. This was just out right unnerving dedication to someone who didn't even know you existed.

At least she made sure that he knew she existed.

Regularly.

"Truuuuuly Scrumptious! You're truly, truly scrumptious! Scrumptious as a cherry-peach parfait!" Whistling the parts that she couldn't remember, also known as the rest of the song, the blonde didn't realize that someone was in front her. She slammed into them, falling back on the ground and dropping her exploited gains.

"Don't sing idiotic songs, herbivore, they disrupt the peace."

With a useless glower, the blonde began to stand up and brush herself off, only for Hibari to push her back down to the ground. Sneering, she attempted to again pick herself up, and again she was shoved down.

Stand.

Shove.

Stand.

Shove.

Stand.

Shove-

"Would you stop that?" She shrieked, smacking his hand away and skittering backwards.

"It's amusing."

"Your FACE is amusing, shut up!"

A low groaning noise from behind them caught her attention. What the bird-haired girl had assumed to be a pile of garbage was now twitching and moving, making her figure out that it was actually a body. In fact, it was the body of one of the student council members who had challenged Hibari the day before. She glanced back at the pokerfaced prefect, raising an eyebrow. The prefect raised an eyebrow back. Shrugging, she turned around and made to ditch Hibari with his victim.

"IT'S MY FUTURE WIFE~!"

Throwing herself backwards to get away from Naito Longchamp, Lucrezia dived behind Hibari, latching onto his arm. Looking disgusted, he attempted to wrench it away, but the American held on with all of her strength.

Tsuna, who'd been followed by the irritating red-head, looked like he was going to have a heart attack at the site of the two together. "Hibari... you're a third year?" Asked the brunet, attempting politeness out of fear. Hibari just smirked.

"I always choose the grade I want to be in."

The girl paused, thinking for a moment. "Aren't you supposed to be in high school this year-? OW! Stop hitting me!"

"Sawada, I turned down the job offer! I want us to do something together, and with Zizi-baby, too!" Shouted Naito as he joined them.

The three less questionably sane ones stared at him in confusion, apathy and disdain. "Who's Zizi-baby?" Tsuna had the nerve to ask.

"Lucrezia, of course!"

The blonde nearly launched herself at him, but chose to just cling more tightly to Hibari. "Say, Longchamp, have you met my boyfriend, Kyoya Hibari?" The prefect stared at her like she'd grown a second head and was about to open his mouth when she slammed the toe of her foot into the back of his shin. In response, he swung his head downwards and head-butted her hard on the forehead, a loud crack echoing through the schoolyard.

"That's an odd thing for a boyfriend to do..." Observed Naito with his head tilted.

"It's his way of showing affection!" She hissed, abandoning Hibari's arm to clutch at her forehead and moan in pain.

Freed from her grasp, Hibari stared at the two boys. "Would you like to join the Student Disciplinary Committee?" Ignoring Tsuna's squawks of protest he pointed at Reborn, "According to him, you're game."

Lucrezia stared at the toddler with her jaw dropped. "When did you get here? When did you even _speak_?"

"Hey! Cool! That's cool! Let's join, Sawada, Zizi-baby!" Cheerfully, Naito waved at the prefect, "Hey, rival! Howzit! I'm Naito Longchamp, eighth generation Tomaso boss!"

Hibari glanced down at Lucrezia with his cold grey eyes. "You are not welcome in, near, or anywhere around the committee."

"Don' wanna join your stupid committee. 'S full of leprechauns." Sniffed Lucrezia, turning away from him. She winced when he whipped his tonfa, only for her eyes to widen in shock when a bullet suddenly reflected off of it. A dangerous smile crawled over his face.

"What's the big idea?" He drawled, "If you wanna have a shoot-out, just say so."

Backing up very quickly, the Sawada housemates both jumped when another shot was fired, burying itself into Naito's forehead. Pulling himself out of his skin, the Tomaso boss stared bitterly out into the world. "My past has been complete darkness... My future shall be complete darkness... Terumi! Why are you ignoring my messages?" He wailed.

"Hey, this crying is quite nice. It really makes me want to bite you to death."

If her mother was there at that moment, Lucrezia was pretty sure that she would've given up all of her Hibari-pool boy fantasies. Another shot rang out, this one aimed for her, but her instincts at the last minute caused her to dive out of the way, allowing the bullet to hit Tsuna. The spiky-haired brunet pulled himself out of his skin, a face so apathetic Lucrezia almost screamed just to make up for the lack of emotion.

"Even if it's complete darkness, I don't care anymore..." Sighing, Tsuna stared at them defeated, "Go ahead and do what you want with me. If your life is a complete wreck and you have so many regrets... then nothing matters anymore."

With her eyebrows shooting up, Lucrezia glanced at Hibari, noticing his hesitation. "There is nothing less amusing than destroying those who have no will to live..." Thoughtfully, he began twirling his tonfas around, leaping towards them, "Well, maybe not."

Lucrezia, ever the opportunist, ran for the hills.

* * *

_Dear Mama..._

* * *

Nana frowned in worry, placing her hand against her American houseguest's forehead. "Well, you don't have a fever, and no cough... Are you sure you aren't well enough for school?"

The blonde nodded, her eyes drooped. "I'm just really exhausted. I'd kind of like to just sleep today so that I feel better tomorrow."

This time, Nana's frown was scolding, but she gave in and left the teenager in peace, promising to send Bianchi and the kids out to play so that she could get some rest. When the matriarch of the family had left, Lucrezia buried her head into the pillow, sniffling slightly, and fell asleep.

* * *

"But Lambo wanted to play video games!" The afro'd child whined as I-Pin and Fuuta chided him while on their way to the park. Ignoring them, Lambo began running down the street as he noticed an ice cream parlour, screaming about a double-scoop, and ran straight into the legs of a stranger, knocking them both down. He began to wail as Fuuta and I-Pin raced up to comfort him and apologize to stranger he'd ran over.

The pretty blond girl waved their apologies off, grinning easily as she sat up. "Don't worry, my jeans were already torn apart. It's fashionable nowadays or something. Hey!" With a clap of her hands, she smiled brightly, "Why don't I buy you kids ice cream?"

The older boy held back the younger ones, looking at the girl with suspicion. "We don't accept things from strangers," he repeated the words often said to him by Maman, Tsuna and Lucrezia.

The girl nodded in understanding. "Then how about I introduce myself so that we aren't strangers anymore, and in exchange for the ice cream you give me some information? Equivalent exchange. I'm only looking for a guy who lives around here."

Lambo eagerly agreed, bouncing around on the sidewalk, his sense of self-preservation lacking as always. It took Fuuta a moment or two to consider, not sure if this was a trap by one of the Mafia families that were hunting him, but a look at I-Pin's hopeful face broke him down and he reluctantly agreed.

The blonde go up cheerfully and began walking with them down the street. "Alright! I'm Jasmine, Lucrezia's bestest friend ever! You three are Fuuta, I-Pin, and of course Lambo is Lambo!" She ruffled the cow-boy's afro, "I haven't seen you since you were a baby! Anyways, I'm looking for a guy named Kyoya Hibari. Do you know him?"

Fuuta regretted this immediately.

* * *

It fortunately turned out that Jasmine wasn't actually looking for the prefect himself. Rather, she was searching for some items of her's that he hand confiscated from Lucrezia. One of them apparently had the phone number of a cosplayer who was selling her a prop staff, and her 'idiot friend abroad' had gotten taken away for using it while stalking Hibari on the roof.

The kids enjoyed hearing stories of their 'aunt's' antics back in New York while on their way to Namimori Middle, from lipping off the wannabe gangsters around town to repeatedly hacking into the school's network to create snow days during winters. Every so often the blonde would just stare at Lambo before bursting into fits of giggles, remarking on just how much of a _Bovino_ he was. "The whole family is like that, as you might've noticed."

Reflecting back on Lucrezia and her mother, the younger two had to agree.

The school loomed into view, exciting the new foreigner. "Ohh, I love Japan!" She squealed, stars in her eyes, "It makes me wanna put on a sailor fuku and jump down a well!"

The kids stared at her in shock. "Why would you want to do that?" Fuuta dared to ask.

"Sesshomaru. Duh."

"I wanna jump too!" Lambo shouted, bouncing around and grabbing on to her leg.

Jasmine swooped down and picked him up, swinging him around in the air. "Alright! You can be my Shippo!"

"What's a Shippo?"

"A foxy!"

"Gahahaha! Lambo is a foxy!" He paused in thought, finger immediately up his nose, "Neh, can Zia come too?"

The blonde paused with the little boy in the air, giving him an odd look. "Of course. Why?"

"Neh, Zia 'Crezia has been really sad lately. Jumping would make her feel better, right?"

The pretty blonde's jaw dropped as her eyes widened in complete horror. "NO! 'Crezzy cannot jump! Jumping is bad! There is so much to live for!" She squeezed Lambo in a bone cracking hug, "Don't worry Lambo, it's not your fault!"

The other two glanced at each other in confusion (why would it be Lambo's fault?) before being dragged into the school by the teenager.

They all wandered the empty hallways, fruitlessly hunting for the reception room. None of them had actually been there, though all of the kids had visited the school at one point or another, and with a half-brained blonde leading the way, they were almost hopelessly lost. Fortunately for them, help arrived in the form of a twirly side-burned toddler, swinging open a previously unnoticed door in the wall.

"Ciaossu. I assume you're Jasmine, another blonde idiot from New York?" Greeted Reborn most charmingly.

The insult was lost on the girl, who gave him a thumbs-up. "That's right! And you must be Reborn! Can you direct us to the reception room?"

Reborn smirked. "I will, for a price."

The children paled (with the exception of Lambo, who had somehow climbed onto the ceiling) as Jasmine stared at the Arcobaleno consideringly. "And your price is?"

"One hundred espressos."

"Done."

"Upstairs, turn left, two doors down on the right side of the hall. I want my espressos by midnight."

He was flashed a salute as the New Yorker casually dragged Lambo off the roof as she skipped down the hall, Fuuta and I-Pin shaking their heads as they followed her and wondering if it was too late to back out now.

Finally, they reached the reception room.

Throwing all sense of self-preservation and caution to the wind, Jasmine swung the door wide open. The room was eerily empty. The four snuck in, untrusting of the quiet, eyes flicking about in search of a trap. Even Lambo seemed to pick up on the atmosphere, hiding behind I-Pin as they walked past the couches.

Finally, Jasmine broke the silence. "I guess the confiscated items would be in the desk, right?" Glancing at the three, she nodded to herself in confirmation and grabbed I-Pin's hand dragging her behind the desk, "Yeah, that would be right. I-Pin, you search the desk with me. The boys will stand guard in case 'Crezia's boyfriend or whatever shows up."

"In case 'who' shows up, herbivore?"

Three sets of eyes whipped to the doorway to see the notorious prefect standing there, a murderous look on his face. Fuuta spared a moment to wonder if it was because they had broken into his headquarters or if it was because they'd referred to him as Lucrezia's boyfriend. All further thought on this subject was dismissed when a single tonfa was drawn, the ranking prince instead grabbing Lambo and leaping behind the couch.

Jasmine straightened up from leaning over the desk, a frown gracing her face. "I-Pin, keep looking. I'll deal with this guy."

"You think you can deal with me? Are all foreigners this overconfident and irritating?" Hibari asked, stepping further into the room.

The blonde vaulted over the desk and smirked at him. "Nah, you're just really unlucky. So you're Kyoya Hibari, huh? Nice to actually be able to see your face for once. I'm very familiar with the back of your head though, from all the photos."

A look of confusion passed over his face. "What photos?"

"The ones 'Crezia sends me. Obviously."

A second tonfa was pulled out. "Ah. So you're associated with the duck-hair that skipped school today. Interesting."

"Associated?" Gasped Jasmine, scandalized, "We are more than just associated! She's the Yamato to my Taichi! The Integra to my Alucard! The Zelda to my Link!"

_Neither of you are that cool!_ Thought Fuuta as he face-palmed in his hiding spot.

Apparently Hibari was thinking the same thing as his eye twitched. "Your specific relation to her is insignificant. You have brought with you three other visitors and none of you have registered your presence in the main office. For your disregard to school policy, I will have to punish you."

"Jesus, you're kinky. Bitch, I don't go here! I have diplomatic immunity, or something!" Nevertheless, her hand slipped behind her back, pulling something out of her jeans back pocket.

"I don't care." He said simply as he lunged towards her, only to be stopped by small explosion, a screen of smoke blocking his view.

"Remember, remember, the fifth of November," a voice spoke from somewhere to his right, "The Gunpowder Treason Lollipop!" Another explosion struck his arm, singing his uniform as he swung out, missing her, but dispersing the smoke a bit.

Instinct told him to duck at that moment and three small objects flew over him where his head had been, smashing through the windows and leaving small holes. His eye began twitching again at the damage done to his room.

"Heh, looks like my specially formulated jawbreakers can really do some damage!" The smoke had cleared enough and he saw her standing on top of one of the couches. He struck at her, cursing inwardly as his balance was off and he hadn't managed to hit her shin with as much force as he'd planned.

Not that it mattered though.

"OW! Oh God! Oh God, that hurts! The paaaaain!" The blonde began rolling on the ground, clutching her shin and whimpering, "That was horrible! Owwww! I'm gonna sue you! Just you wait!"

The boys in the room all stared at her in disbelief, Fuuta and Lambo having climbed back over the couch to see what was happening. Hibari, even more irritated now by the noise, raised a foot to stomp on her and shut her up.

And at that moment, fate intervened in the form of I-Pin, triumphantly holding up an entire drawer filled with Lucrezia's electronics. Her eyes landed on Hibari. Symbols began to flash on her head.

"It's the Pinzu Timer!" Screamed Fuuta, putting Lambo down on the couch and running over to grab the drawer. He then grabbed both Jasmine and Lambo's hands and dragged them out of the room and down the hallway.

"Where are we going?" Shouted Jasmine as they ran, wincing every time her sore leg hit the ground.

"Far away from here!"

Back in the reception room, Hibari watched them go, snorting his derision. Walking over to the window, he picked up the now-furiously blushing I-Pin and leaned out and waited for the precise moment to strike.

Ah, there were those irritants, trying to escape from the schoolyard. He tossed the little Chinese girl at them.

BOOM!

After watching the explosion with a sadistic grin, he grabbed his jacket from the closet near the door and swept from the room, off to make a quick visit to someone.

* * *

The sound of footsteps woke Lucrezia up. Assuming it was Nana, she simply ignored them and tried to return to sleep, but the footsteps stopped at her futon and their owner cleared his throat. She lazily opened her eyes and looked up.

"You didn't come to school today."

"Fuck off, Hibari." Sighing, the duck-haired blonde rolled over, turning back to him, "I'm tired and I need sleep."

Using his foot, the prefect dragged her covers off of her. Instead of the squeal of indignation he expected, he only received a tired look as she simply pulled the covers back. His eyebrows furrowed.

"You're sick."

"I'm not sick," she sighed, "Just really… really… tired. Can I please be left alone?"

Rather than just scoff at her as she expected, the prefect actually sat down beside her, a pissed off look on his face. "You're not telling me something, herbivore. Explain exactly why you are 'tired', or I will find out with force."

Lucrezia returned his look with a full-on glare. "I really don't think it's any of your business, so why don't you piss off?"

The air between them nearly sparked with their mutual fury. "The business of Namimori Middle's students is my business, if it will possibly affect the school's peace."

"Oh, is that it?" Her voice peaked in anger, almost hitting a squeak, "I might disrupt the peace and so I have to tell you everything, huh? Fine! If you're so interested, today is-"

"SHAZAM! The awesome people have arrived with gifts of MORE AWESOME!" The room's door was flung open to reveal the severely singed bodies of Fuuta, Lambo and Jasmine and a sheepish looking I-Pin. Fuuta and Lambo looked completely traumatized and Jasmine was wearing a grin only tempered by the look of despair and emptiness in her eyes.

"Yessir," she continued, her voice reminiscent of a robot whose only knowledge of cheerful inflections was from a code written in ones and zeros, "We braved the lion's den and came out heroes, heroes who have lived through pain, suffering, and loud, violent, horrible explosions, and we have come out alive and with a camaraderie not seen since the days of trench warfare, and – oh God, it's you!" Their faces all went sheet white, with the exception of I-Pin, whose face went a tomato-red.

"AHH, NOT THE PINZU BOMB AGAIN!"

"TAKE COVER!"

And somehow, in the midst of explosions, screams, and more fighting, Lucrezia got back to sleep.

* * *

_Dear Mama,_

_I really don't think it's a good idea to go to Tijuana for a wedding anniversary. Especially not when your sole reason for going there is 'the name sounds kind of like tequila!' Go to Toronto. If you say it with a weird enough accent, it sounds like vodka, and that follows with your line of reasoning._

_Yours,_

_Lucrezia_

* * *

Agreeing to watch over the house with Fuuta while the Sawadas took a cruise vacation (and the others snuck off to join them) seemed like it would be a good idea for a nice relaxing Golden Week. No school, no obligations, just them hanging out and playing video games, maybe going around to check out any interesting events happening for the week. It was disappointing that nearly all of her friends were out of town for vacations, but she and her family and Jasmine, who had returned home after three days of wacky hijinks and shenanigans that ended with an official police warning, had called each other and emailed often, so it wasn't too lonely.

It all went well until the last few days.

The rain was pouring that evening, and Lucrezia had finally managed to upgrade her replacement laptop to the point where it was the equal of her stolen one. In celebration, they decided to download some classic Japanese horror films, such as The Ring, and watch them after dinner.

Two hours later, they were hiding in the closet.

"That was a very, very bad idea." Whimpered Lucrezia, drawing her knees up to her chest and clutching at them for dear life.

Fuuta was nodding along, eyes wide with terror before he suddenly froze. "Did you hear that?" He whispered.

"Hear what?"

"There's a creaking noise…"

Both stopped moving when it went again.

"It's just the house," the blonde said, attempting to sound confident and utterly failing, "Houses make creaking noises…"

There was a loud clatter from the direction of the kitchen causing the both of them to jump and grab each other. "What do we do, Zia 'Crezia?" Wailed Fuuta, "It's coming after us!"

"We can't stay here," she decided, "When I say run, we go straight to the entrance, grab our shoes, and get out. No time for anything else. I know where we'll go. Got it?" He nodded in reply, "Good. Now, ready, and…"

"Run!"

* * *

Hibari regretted opening his door the instant that he did.

Two very wet, very pathetic looking foreigners were standing there, giving him the biggest puppy-dog eyes they could manage.

"Hi-Hibari," Lucrezia whimpered, "Sadako is after us. Please protect us."

"No." He attempted to slam the door on them, but they both lunged forward, stopping the door from closing. The temptation to kick them both was very strong, but he was stopped by a quick shout from Fuuta.

"But if Sadako does come after us, maybe you could have the chance to fight her!"

Oh, the _temptation_.

* * *

Lucrezia pulled a blanket over the now sleeping Fuuta before sighing heavily and slumping into her arms on the low table. Somehow she and Fuuta had managed to convince Hibari that it was possible for him to fight Sadako, and then managed to get themselves inside and dried off, and even get Hibari to bring them some dry clothes. A smile tugged at her lips when she noticed that for all his hatred of crowding and people in general, he was a very good host when his visitors weren't there to steal his underwear or try to force him to watch Grease.

Rising up, she wandered into the kitchen to see him doing up his dishes from earlier. She silently stopped beside him and began to dry, earning small grunt of recognition out of him. As she began to put them away, having familiarized herself with his kitchen long before, he spoke up.

"You know you're a complete idiot for being frightened of a stupid movie, right?"

She scowled at him, waving the bowl in a weak attempt at intimidation. "It was scary, alright? And it's even worse when you're watching it with someone who is just as scared as you!"

He rolled his eyes and passed her a plate. "But you actually thought that there was something coming after you? What a sad little herbivore you are."

"But it sounded like something was in the house with us!" Biting her lip, the girl sheepishly scratched her cheek, "Though, in hindsight, those pots and pans were stacked awfully precariously. And could you not call me herbivore anymore? We've known each other for almost a year, you can use my name."

"Tch. I'll just call you 'duck', then."

"Don't make fun of my hair!" She squeaked, smacking him with the towel. A challenging look entered Hibari's eyes and he almost lunged at her before they both stopped, an awkward silence filling the air as they realized just how _domestic_ they were acting. They went back to doing the dishes, neither meeting the other's eyes.

As they finally put away the last of the cups, Lucrezia reached into her pocket and pulled something out, waving it cheerfully in front of him. "Look what I got at the store today! It's a mini-carp-flag-thing for Children's Day! Isn't it cute?"

Rolling his eyes, he picked up a book from the kitchen counter and went back into the other room, settling down at the low table to read. The blonde followed him back in, sitting down next to Fuuta and absent-mindedly messed with the sleeping boy's hair. The quiet was only broken up by the sound of rain on the roof.

"Well, happy Children's Day anyhow." She said out of the blue, causing Hibari to glance up at her in irritation.

"I believe you mean 'happy birthday', duck."

"It's your birthday?" With her jaw dropped, she stared at him in shock, "You could have told me, I would've gotten you a present!"

He rolled his eyes. "I don't want anything from _you_. The committee was bad enough already, insisting on crowding and buying me a cake, of all things."

The Italian-American tutted at him in disapproval. "They did that because they love you, be appreciative. Now, what can I give you…?"

The prefect honestly thought that she would just give him the tiny carp flag and be done with it. It seemed obvious and practical to him, not to mention appropriate, given what day his birthday was on. But no. He had completely misjudged everything.

"I know!" She clapped her hands in triumph and leaned forward, giving him a quick but soft kiss on the lips. His body seemed to turn to stone as she pulled away and smiled cheerfully at him. "Happy Birthday, Hibari!"

After a moment, she realize that he hadn't moved a single muscle. "Hibari…? Are you alright…?" Realization struck her like a train. "Was… was that your first kiss?" His lack of response quickly confirmed it and she couldn't help but burst into laughter, "Holy crap! I just stole your first! Ha ha ha, oh, you are just soooo adorable! Ha ha!"

A loud smack rang throughout the room and an unconscious Lucrezia fell down beside the still-sleeping Fuuta as Hibari stalked off to bed, fully intending to bleach this entire event from his mind.

* * *

_Dear Mama,_

_Virtual high-five back at you! The concussion and black eye were totally worth it._

_Yours,_

_Lucrezia_

* * *

"How dare you miss my wedding!" A furious Bianchi shouted, barely being held back by Tsuna and the kids as she screamed at a pale Lucrezia, who was holding up her hands in surrender.

"I told you, I was hit by a car on the way there, and they insisted on taking me to hospital despite there being no damage and when I got there I passed out and missed the whole thing! I'm sorry!"

"You bet you're sorry! And if you ever miss such an important event again, I will force feed you until you bleed out of every internal organ!"

Lucrezia laughed uneasily. If_ she ever finds that I was paid by Reborn to make that robot of him, I'll be a dead woman…!_

* * *

_Dear Mama,_

_I had no idea that the 'something blue' part could include the face of the person you choked for missing your wedding. You learn something new every day._

_Yours,_

_Lucrezia_

* * *

**Domestic fluffiness to make up for incredibly late chapter?**** Anyways, one more chapter after this to cover volume seven and we'll be onto the Mukuro Arc! Also, there's a new pointless poll on my profile, so take a look if you're bored.  
**

**Hope you enjoyed!  
**


	11. Swimming, Festivals, and Bovinos

**So 2012 sucked. I was planning to get this out for Christmas, but then people died, then I nearly died, and now it's 2013 so Happy New Years, enjoy the chapter!**

**EDIT: For those worrying, there were a couple of near car accidents due to snow and I choked on a green bean, all on Christmas day, so I'm not in any danger of dying outside of bad luck.**

**KHR is over, but I still don't own it.**

* * *

**Chapter 11: Swimming, Festivals, and Bovinos**

* * *

_Dear Mama,_

_Could you send my kindergarten school journal? I need it for an assignment. Also Lambo asked me to tell you he wants candy. As usual. Don't send any, he'll get cavities._

_Yours,_

_Lucrezia_

* * *

"I wanted to be," Lucrezia announced before taking a sip of her iced matcha latte to create the appropriate amount of dramatic pause, "Ace from Doctor Who."

Ayano groaned, slumping back in her chair. "Of course you wanted to be a Doctor Who character. How did I not see that coming?"

"Because you are a foolish and blind woman. What's on yours?"

Her friend picked up her old composition and read it out. "'My name is Aya'- did I seriously write 'Ayani'? Oh, shoot me now. 'My name is Ayani. My favourite things are fish and cheese biscuits and' – stop gagging, those things are delicious! – 'and handsome princes. When I grow up, I want to be a Sailor Scout!'" The brunette scowled at the piece of paper, "Damn it, I'm no better than you!"

On the other side of the table, Lucrezia began to strike poses and sing. "Sailor Venus! Sailor Mercury! Sailor Mars! Sailor Jupiter!" She stood and threw her arms in the air, "THESE SECRET POWERS ARE SO NEW TO HER!"

"Would you shut up!" Leaning over, Ayano grabbed the bottom of Lucrezia's t-shirt and pulled her back into her seat, "At least I don't want to be some screaming girl on a sci-fi show!"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Back your shit up. Ace is no 'screaming girl'," the American said defensively, "Ace is a tragic character who likes to blow stuff up and once attacked a Dalek with a baseball bat. She is badass."

Scoffing, Ayano snatched up Lucrezia's paper. Her eyes went huge. "What is this mess? Is it even English?"

"You're holding it upside-down."

"I still can't read it."

Glancing at it, Lucrezia grinned. "Oh yeah. I wrote it in Italian 'cause my teacher told me the Doctor didn't exist so I was mad and wanted to confuse her. Well. After I bit her."

"You bit your teacher?"

"She said he wasn't real!"

"Whatever. Read the thing out."

Lucrezia cleared her throat before starting. "Mi chiamo Lucrezia. Mi piace televisione e scienza. Io voglio essere Ace. 'My name is Lucrezia. I like television and science. I want to be Ace'. I really have no idea why Mrs. Bruen was so upset, this translates over to English pretty easily."

"You've never changed."

"Screw off!" As she shoved her paper away into her bag, the blonde paused in thought, "What did Hana have for hers? Can you even imagine her as a kid?"

The other girl shrugged. "I have no idea, I only moved here two years ago. Personally, I figured she sprung out of the sea fully formed."

"That's close to being right. I actually sprung out of the forehead of Zeus." The two of them jumped as Hana ominously loomed over them. "Here I am, walking home after meeting with my partner, and I find you two gossiping like old hens in the cafe." Pulling up a chair, she grinned at them, "Without including me!"

"Yeah, because your gossip is exactly the same as Ayano's." Lucrezia pointed out, "In a town like this everyone knows everything within five minutes."

"You don't."

The blonde shrugged. "Yeah, but I just don't care unless it involves computers or Hibari."

After Hana got herself a drink Ayano and Lucrezia pulled her into their conversation. The topic quickly turned to their summer plans. Ayano was content to laze around the house, Hana was going to Hokkaido to visit her cousins, and Lucrezia had decided to stay in Japan, given that her mother was to Italy to see her father and siblings and the south was too hot for Lucrezia to even consider visiting.

Ayano perked up as a group boys walked into the cafe. "None of them are as cute as Yamamoto, though." She said as proudly as one of the baseball player's many fangirls could. Both Hana and 'Crezia scoffed, though for different reasons.

"Boys our age are monkeys." Sniffed Hana, "Irritating, poop-flinging monkeys."

"I've never seen a boy fling poop!" Objected Ayano.

"It's metaphorical poop."

Lucrezia rolled her eyes. "Can we get away from the poop jokes, please?"

"Are you going to talk about anything other than Hibari?"

"...I could've, but now that you've mentioned him..."

"You can't!" Smiling like a cheshire cat, Ayano wiggled her fingers spookily, "Saying his name three times summons his dreaded black magic fan club."

With a cocky grin, Lucrezia settled back into her chair. "No fear from them. They're now my darling little minions."

"You subjugated the Hibari fan club?" Hana's eyebrows shot up as the blonde nodded proudly.

"Yup. I taught the communists about capitalism and the American way and they quickly fell into line."

"...You know, sometimes I can't tell if you're really this stupid or if you're just trying to lull us all into a false sense of security."

"The world may never know."

Two hours later with her finalized essay in hand (after extensive editing by Hana), Lucrezia walked into the Sawada household, hoping to catch Kyoko before she left. Instead, she came face to face with a strangely shiny short man in what appeared to be a miniature UFO.

"Please!" He cried out, lurching towards her, "You have to help me, miss! They're going to kill me!"

Bending over, Lucrezia stared at the machine with and appraising eye. "How do you make it move?"

The shiny man stopped, thrown off by the question before regaining his composure. "That is a trade secret," he said smugly, "One that I can not share with an outsider- w-wait! What are you doing?"

"Reborn! I think I found something of yours!" The American called out as she rolled the UFO along the hallway, it's occupant panicking all the while.

The evening went swimmingly after that, Reborn, Gokudera and Lambo each taking their turns to assault the poor weapon's maker after dragging him out of his transport and leaving it for the American to play with and accidentally blow up, after which Nana sent everyone home and grounded Lucrezia for two weeks without video games.

The swear jar fund went to repairing the living room walls.

* * *

_Dear Mama,_

_I SAID NO CANDY._

_Yours,_

_Lucrezia_

* * *

The hot sun beat down on the group lazing about the public swimming pool. This, of course, did not include Tsuna who was flailing about in the water like a goldfish on land, but Reborn and Lucrezia were certainly enjoying themselves on their respective floaties.

"You can do it, tuna-fish." The blonde half-heartedly cheered from her neon-coloured tube. The boy glowered at her, sputtering out water.

"Maa, shouldn't you be practicing too, 'Crezia?" Asked the cheerful baseball player as he stretched his arms in preparation.

Lucrezia lowered her sunglasses to peer over them skeptically at him. "I'm a Bovino. When was the last time you saw a cow swimming?"

"Cows can swim, stupid Lucrezia." Drawled Reborn as he sipped on his drink.

With a shrug, she pushed her glasses back up. "But Bovinos can't. Mama nearly drowned on a modeling job once at a pool. We don't float."

"And all the missions your grandfather has screwed up when it involves swimming."

"At least he tries..." The half-Italian sighed as Tsuna stared uncomprehendingly at his friend, who was rambling on in Yamamoto-ese on how to swim.

"...Then you go, 'nnn pa, nnn pa,' and 'guh, guh.' If you do that, you'll go 'swiiish!'"

"It worries me that I'm starting to understand him."

A loud screech interrupted Reborn's reply. "Save me! I'm drowning!" A brunette in the shallow end of the pool was waving her hands in a panic, "Somebody save me! Somebody strong and handsome! Hurry!"

Reborn shook his head. "I'm too busy. Let Tsuna do it instead."

Lucrezia cackled. "Nice one. I wish we had popcorn for this."

"Shaved ice?" The toddler offered, holding out bowl.

"Don't mind if I do."

As the two enjoyed themselves playing Statler and Waldorf as Haru dragged Tsuna around the pool, they didn't notice the dark shadow crawling up the fence until it was too late.

"BOSS! BOSS! WHAT'S WRONG, BOSS?" With a great splash, the bomber landed in the pool with all his clothes on, "I didn't know you couldn't swim anymore!"

The American-Italian flapped her arms in a panic. "You got water on me! I'm melting! I'm mellllltiiiing!"

Her fellow Italian glared at her. "Good." He stated, flipping her tube over and knocking her into the pool.

The chlorine stabbed into her eyes as she was engulfed by the water. She hadn't been quite in the shallow end and her feet struggled to find something to press onto as she sunk, her lungs already screaming for air as her body went into panic mode and her flailing became even more apparent. _I'm going to die!_ Her mind screamed, _This is it, this is the end, I never even got my Firefly DVDs back from Jasmine...!_

A pair of arms grasped her by the waist and dragged her up onto the poolside where she clutched at the ground as if it was her almighty saviour.

"Are you alright, 'Crezia?" Yamamoto was still holding onto her, his eyes concerned, but Lucrezia saw nothing but red.

"You tried to murder me!" She shrieked, attempting to leap over Yamamoto's head to get at Gokudera, who was already being berated by Haru. Yamamoto held her down, dodging her kicking feet, though Tsuna wasn't so lucky and received a foot to the face.

Eventually, Reborn, tired of histrionics, came over and smacked her on the head. "They're going to do coaching. You do this." He said, dropping some fabric onto her lap.

She picked it up, staring at the catfish-like thing. "What am supposed to do?"

"Make it electrical."

Her eyes landing on Gokudera, drawing pictures on a white board. And then she grinned.

An hour and a half later, she snuck up behind him as Tsuna moaned self-pityingly. There! She had spotted the dark shape in the water!

"...No one can get better at swimming so quickly."

"Don't throw in the towel yet. I'll tell you what you lack."

She shoved in the silver-haired boy, smirking as he hit the water. "You blonde idiot!" He snapped, "What was that-"

"Confidence!" The pool went ablaze with electrical activity as Lucrezia padded off snickering. What Bovinos lacked in swimming skills, they made up for in childish pranking skills.

* * *

_Dear Mama,_

_I don't care if he's your only grandchild, don't do it again. Because you enabled his candy addiction, he went home with Haru last night, only told Tsuna that someone promised him candy, and then stayed over, AND THEN A WHOLE BUNCH OF STUPIDNESS HAPPENED SO DON'T DO IT AGAIN OKAY._

_Yours,_

_Lucrezia_

_P.S. No really, don't. I see you planning. Don't._

* * *

"The beach!" Tsuna cheered as Yamamoto and Gokudera almost-bickered behind him. "And now I can actually go in the ocean and swim! What a great day!"

"Lookit those two cuties there..."

"Models maybe?"

"But who's that behind them? Their assistant? She's not very cuteARGHFBSA-BZZZZ-!"

Tucking her newest Blackberry-turned-taser into her shorts pocket, Lucrezia followed behind Haru and Kyoko, allowing them to attract all the attention with their bikinis while she enjoyed her ice-cream cone and casual violence.

"So, your brother's working here, Kyoko?" Asked Yamamoto as he set up the umbrella for them to sit under.

"Yeah, he's helping out a senior lifeguard."

As Lucrezia laid out her towel and sat down, the umbrella tilted so that it completely shaded her. She glanced up at Yamamoto who was casting a grin at her. "You need to be careful, you'll get sunburnt." He chided her.

"I'm Italian, I tan." She shrugged before sighing, pulling her knees up for her chin to rest on, "Why can't Hibari be nice like you? I haven't even seen him these last weeks..."

"Because you have bad taste in men?" He joked, but leaned down and patted her head when she pouted, "He'll come around one day, 'Crezia, and you'll still be the only one weird enough to be standing there-"

"I have a taser."

The boy grinned and held up his hands in surrender. "I'm gonna go see Sasagawa now, see ya!"

The blonde continued to sulk under the umbrella. Somehow the prefect had managed to escape her at the school and she'd been too busy with Hana, Ayano, and her new group of minions to bother him at his house. Hibari withdrawls were hard and she didn't like them one bit.

Her brain began to wander and odd thoughts began to form an idea. A grin on her face grew wider and wider, and people who walking by suddenly needed to go ten feet out of their way to avoid her. She got to her feet and ran over to where her group of friends were facing off against overly tanned speedo-wearing lifeguards.

"YAMAMOTO!" She shouted, latching onto the baseball player, "You and Hibari need to have sex, right now!" The entire group fell silent, staring at her in horror. The blonde glanced at them at all frantically, "No, you don't understand! They need to have a baby so that we can use genetic modification to make the baby look like Hibari but have Yamamoto's personality, and then we could hit it with the Ten-Year Bazooka twice so it'd be of legal age, and then we could make it permanent - or, not really, they wouldn't need to have a baby, per say, we could just get DNA samples - it made sense in my head, stop judging me!"

"Freak," muttered Gokudera, dodging her kick at his shin while he turned back to the lifeguards, "The beach isn't our responsibility."

"I'm afraid he's right!" Agreed Ryohei, "They're just beachgoers! They're not even trained!"

The head lifeguard tried to pass it off as Ryohei's training, but the rest of the group wasn't buying it. Tensions were rising and almost at a breaking point before a swimming challenge was issued. All protests from Tsuna's group were silenced by boxing glove to the mouth.

"That sounds interesting," agreed Reborn in his Master Pao Pao outfit, "We accept your challenge."

Lucrezia glanced around with her eyebrows furrowed. "Wait, I don't know what's happening. Why are we swimming?"

"Those guys were trying to make us take care of the beach for them as lifeguards so they could hit on Kyoko and Haru!" Explained Tsuna, nearly pulling out his hair in stress, as usual.

An epiphany struck the half-Italian girl like lightning. "Oh my Whedon! Maybe the reason your hair sticks up like that is because you're constantly pulling on it upwards! I've solved one of the mysteries of life!"

"Not the time, 'Crezia!"

Shrugging at Tsuna's oft-heard response, she turned away to wander down the beach. It was _boring_ when everyone got dragged into those things. Couldn't they stay out of trouble for long enough that they could enjoy a day at the beach and plot to create the perfect Hibari-Yamamoto hybrid? (She'd need to come with a better name for it. Kyokeshi Hibamoto? Takya Yamabari? Shinya Kougami?) Sometimes she wondered if Reborn personally hired people just to ruin their fun.

She meandered over to the stalls selling snacks, eyeing up the takoyaki and shaved ice. Though she wasn't really hungry, she was bored and eating might alleviate that slightly.

Even if Mama said that was how people got fat. _Whatever, Mama, I do what I want!_

As she purchased her shaved ice, a dark object moved into her peripheral vision. Gasping, she leapt behind the corner of the stand and ducked down. Maybe, if she stayed really, really still and quiet, he might not notice her...!

There was a sigh behind her. "I've already seen you, James, there's no point in hiding."

The game was up. "Hi, Kusakabe," she waved weakly at him, peeking around the corner of her feeble barricade, "What brings you here?"

The vice-chairman glanced down at his swim trunks and then stared at her with a look that bluntly informed her of how much of an idiot and waste of air she was. "What would I be doing at the beach other than swimming?"

"You could be investigating for the disciplinary committee," the blonde pointed out, standing up in case she needed to run from her object of forced affection's second-in command, "Those lifeguards are pretty shady."

Kusakabe sighed at the proverbial thorn in his side and shook his head. "The chairman will probably deal with them on the committee's beach day."

In a split second she had leapt out of her hiding place and was clutching at his shoulders, a wild look in her eyes. "There. Is. A. Beach day."

Realizing what he'd done, Kusakabe tried and failed to escape her grasp, backtracking as much as he could. "You must've misheard me, James."

"Hibari in a swimsuit."

"I meant-"

"HIBARI IN A SWIMSUIT."

Wrenching himself away, he began walking towards the water. Walking very, very fast. "I'm afraid I must leave now, James. Enjoy the beach."

"Wait! Kusakabe! There's something important I need to ask you!"

In a moment of weakness, he turned.

He would spend the rest of his life regretting it.

"Do you think Hibari would have sex with Yamamoto?"

They stood there, two metres apart. One had a determined and questioning look, the other had a mind falling into something like a Lovecraftian novel.

"They need to have a baby."

There was no response.

"I need this baby for secret reasons."

Something vaguely resembling Cthulhu took a bite of his mind.

"Kusakabe?"

He fell to his knees in the sands, clutching his head in horror. "I can't unsee it. _I can't unsee it_."

"Yeah," Lucrezia grinned like a dirty old man, "Me neither."

For weeks afterward, Kusakabe couldn't even look his chairman in the eyes.

* * *

_Dear Mama,_

_Attached is the picture of my yukata. It's girly. Be proud.  
_

_Yours,  
_

_Lucrezia  
_

_Attachments: moohahahaha . jpg  
_

* * *

Chiyo held up her arms as Lucrezia wrapped a sky blue obi around her waist. Given that Hana had left for the north, Ayano's older sister was visiting, and Kyoko was getting ready for the summer festival with Haru, the blonde had wound up with the Black Magic Hibari Fanclub and assisting them with their yukatas.

The other girls of the club were quick to show her how to assist with the yukatas, which she managed to pick up on quite easily, adding it as number seventeen on her list of why she would be the most badass wife Hibari could ever hope for. She planned on presenting the list to him when it reached fifty, and bringing extra copies to replace it when he inevitably tore it up.

"Do you need me to hold it yet, boss?" Chiyo asked, arms still up. The members of the fanclub had, much to the irritation of their president, taken to calling Lucrezia 'boss'. She found that she didn't mind too much.

In fact, she didn't mind _at all_.

"No, not yet, I'll tell you when." Just as she was about to pass it around again, a soft 'ahem' floated through the room. Six heads popped up to look at the living room's doorway.

Tomie, her hair out of it's usual pigtails, stood with Suzu, the big sister-type member of the club whose parents owned the printing shop used to produce their doujinshi. The president of the Black Magic Hibari Fanclub was dressed in a black yukata decorated with a large red orchid pattern. A two layered obi matched it, the top layer a red that matched the orchids and the under layer was a golden brocade, giving it the image of a Disciplinary Committee armband. The back of it was not tied in a butterfly knot, but in a drum knot, separating herself 'from the herd', as it were. The club immediately chorused praise about how stunning she looked.

The Italian had to give it to her. She did look the epitome of a proper Japanese schoolgirl in festival garb. Had she purple hair, she'd belong right in a dating sim.

"No guy could ever say no to our president," announced Suzu with pride.

Ahhh... An evil plot sprung into Lucrezia's mind at that moment. After all, Nonno was always accepting new recruits.

"I hate to admit it, but Suzu's right. No one in their right mind would reject you tonight!" The blonde piped up. The president shot a suspicious look, but there was almost a challenge in her eyes.

Tomie smirked proudly as she surveyed the group. "I'm glad to hear that, for tonight, under the fireworks, I intend to confess my feelings to Hibari."

_Eexxxcellent..._

"That's amazing, president!"

"Good luck!"

"Boss," Mana, a quiet girl who drew the backgrounds for the group's doujinshi, spoke up, "Do you want me to continue with Chiyo so Suzu can help you into your yukata?"

Agreeing, Lucrezia stepped away to allow Mana room and moved over to where Suzu was casting a skeptical eye over the foreigner's choice.

"I don't know if you realized this when you bought it, but this is a spring pattern." The older girl explained. The blonde simply grinned.

"Oh, I know."

The yukata draped down to the floor, all soft pinks and magentas and covered with cherry blossoms.

It was _perfect_.

* * *

Lucrezia enjoyed wandering around on her own throughout the festival, past snack stalls, merchant stalls, and even a ball throwing game that had a sign of a crossed-out face that looked suspiciously like Yamamoto. The scent of food in the air was tantalizing the sound of games was enticing, and the sound of Lambo attached to her leg and wailing for takoyaki was irritating.

Picking up her nephew, she held him up so that they were looking each other in the eye. "Go bother Tsuna," she ordered, "Zia is busy."

"Bu-but," the little cow boy sniffled, "Tsu-Tsuna said I-Pin and I could only have three-hundred yen but the takoyaki is five-hundred s-so he said nooooo!" Back went his head and a full on wail began again.

Sighing irritably, his aunt glared around at all the people staring disapprovingly at them. It wasn't her fault that her nephew was a noisy idiot! It was her whiny brother-in-law's fault! Kids take after their parents, not their put-upon aunts! "Will you stop crying if I buy it for you?"

In an instant the wailing did a u-turn into happy screeching about how Zia 'Crezia was the best. With groan, she plopped him on her shoulders and let him ride there on the way to the takoyaki stand.

Or at least, what was left of the takoyaki stand.

When they finally reached it, there was only wreckage. The stand had been completely crushed, and any of the treat that might've been left was gone. Lambo, fortunately, didn't notice, wondering out loud where the takoyaki had gone. Lucrezia approached the sullen owner who was being consoled by stand owner next to him.

"Excuse me, sir? What happened to your... stand?" Careful to avoid saying the name so as not to set off her nephew again, she smiled politely at the owner.

The man stared at her in horror before going off on a tangent. When the festival started that day, he had been honestly plying his trade, but then some dirty no-good hooligans had stolen his profits, including the money set aside to pay off the gang that ran the grounds. Without the money, he couldn't pay, and they smashed his stand.

Sighing and mentally making a note to steal more of Hibari's underwear later in vengeance for the whining she was about to endure, Lucrezia turned away and wandered back into the fray, promising her nephew that they'd find takoyaki soon enough.

After fifteen minutes of asking around to no avail, the Bovinos finally stumbled upon a chocolate banana stand being manned by two familiar faces.

"Hey, 'Crezzy! Lambo!" Ignoring her twitch at the newly granted nickname, Yamamoto waved her over. With a little snarl, she strode over.

"Don't call me 'Crezzy," she snapped as she pulled out some money, "And I'd like a chocolate banana for this thing on my head."

With a howl of delight, Lambo leapt off of her head and began dancing on the ground, all thoughts of takoyaki forgotten as his aunt sighed in relief. After passing him the banana, she slumped onto the counter.

"Can you guys take care of him?" Lucrezia whined, "I have evil plans to pursue."

"Tch. Don't push your responsibility onto us, four-eyes." Growled Gokudera as he pulled out another box bananas. The blonde growled back. Two stupid nicknames and a Lambo were not a good combination at the moment. Luckily someone else pulled up at that moment to take care of it all. While Yamamoto and Gokudera called out about their delicious 'French' chocolate ("It's Belgian, you idiot!") bananas, Tsuna and I-Pin showed up.

"Gokudera and Yamamoto?" He squeaked before turning around, "Lucrezia and Lambo?"

Gokudera's cigarette dropped out of his mouth. "Boss!"

"Hey Tsuna!"

"Oh thank God you're here, TAKE HIM." Lucrezia shoved her nephew into his arms.

Holding to the whiny little boy at arm's distance he stared at the two running the stand. "Why're you selling snacks?"

"Town association sent us a bill." Announced Reborn from behind them, "Yamamoto broke the public hall's wall on Tanabata, remember? They want us to pay for damages. So we got permission from the town association to put up a stand to make money."

Tsuna blinked in confusion. "Doesn't Lucrezia handle that stuff?"

"She wasn't there."

"That's right!" He glanced over at the American girl, "Where were you that day?"

Her lip trembled. "I had wished for Firefly to come back."

"And...?"

"And Reborn said some wishes just can't come truuuuuue!" She fell to her knees with a heartfelt sob. "You can't take the sky from meeeee!"

Ignoring the melodrama, Gokudera gave his leader a confident smirk. "Our target is five hundred bananas. We can do it, boss!"

"We? Y'mean me too?"

"The bill is made out to you, Tsuna." Reborn happily pointed out.

"Like I didn't see that coming!"

Suddenly there were whispers in the crowd around them, everyone passing on the message to get their payments ready.

Gokudera handed out some free exposition. "Seems it's a Namimori tradition to pay off the guys who control this area."

"No sweat," shrugged Yamamoto, "We're just going to pay, like the rest."

The four of them glanced towards the new ominous presence that loomed near them.

"Fifty thousand."

"HIBARI?" Shrieked Tsuna, slowly wearing out his vocal cords.

Gokudera nearly knocked over the display. "What are you doing here? !"

A shiver ran up Tsuna's mind. "Extortion money? To the prefects?"

Yamamoto grinned nervously. "Gee whiz..."

Lucrezia leapt at him. "Oh, sweetie, I've missed you!"

"It's our activity costs, don't touch me." He slammed his hand into Lucrezia's face, holding her back from her attempts to hug him, "If you don't pay, we'll smash your stand.

A shout from nearby attracted their attention and they watched in horror as another man had his stand destroyed. Hibari walked away with the money, but had an unfortunate tag-along.

"Hey, hey, Hibari, did you see my yukata?"

"I wish I never saw you or anything to do with you."

"But looooook!" She jumped in front of him and waved the sleeves around his head, "They're cherry blossoms! Are you feeling weak? Scared? Are there butterflies in your stomach?"

His eye twitched. "Do I need to bite you to death, herbivore?"

She pulled up as high as she could and stuck her face inches away from his. "Did you know that I had to endure fifteen minutes of my nephew's whining because you destroyed the stupid takoyaki stand?"

"The owner didn't pay up. He suffered the consequences. It's that simple."

A lightbulb clicked on in her head and she began to play the conversation towards her evening's ultimate goal. "Speaking of paying up, that is a ridiculous amount of money you're making my homeboys pay. What say you give it back?"

"What say you jump off a bridge?"

"What say you give it back in exchange for your man-panties?"

He gave her a sharp glance. She raised an eyebrow in response. For a moment he considered the deal, and then he held up the cash. "I expect them _tonight_."

"Wouldn't do it any other way," Lucrezia gave him a fake sweet smile, "How about that park down the road from here? Just before the fireworks?"

He nodded and began to put the cash away. "Ah-ah-ah, Hibari," tsking, she held out her hand, "I'll need at least three hundred of that, as a deposit. How do I know you won't just take the underwear, smack me with a tonfa and run?"

"Two hundred." He growled.

"Two-fifty." Was her counter, and he shoved the money into her hand and walked off. "I enjoyed doing business with you!" She called after him, casually ducking the rifle game prize he threw at her head.

Quickly, she pulled up her yukata to make it easier to move and sought out the other pawn in her game. It took another ten minutes of dodging through crowds, getting caught by Kyoko and Haru and playing the turtle catching game, winning a turtle, turtle turning out to be a distant cousin of Enzio, placating the turtle and setting him into the wilderness, and another five minutes of searching to finally find the person she was after.

"Tomie!" Lucrezia swung her arms around the unsuspecting girl's shoulders, causing her to jump, "We need to speak."

"Do we?" Asked Tomie skeptically.

Gasping in shock, Lucrezia clutched at her chest. "That- that is the tone of voice someone uses when they are being cruel! I am wounded."

"Good. Now go limp back to your lame friends."

A scowl crossed the strawberry-blonde's face. "Excuse me, Kyoko is not lame and Haru is far too freakish to be anything near lame."

The ponytailed girl sniffed. "I was referring to Sawada and his little crew."

"Oh, well, yeah, they're totally lame," she shrugged, "But as I said, we need to talk, and you need my help."

"Help?" Tomie scoffed, "What kind of help would I need from you?"

Lucrezia's voice turned into an intimidating purr. "Your little confession tonight. How exactly do you plan to catch Hibari alone? He's rather busy at the moment, running the festival grounds. And when he isn't, when he has a bit of time off, do you think he will be alone? All of his men will be around."

"Ha!" Jabbing her finger at the foreigner, the Hibari fanclub president smirked in triumph, "I don't need you. I have Suzu and Chiyo on that. When he's alone, they'll run up and tell him about a fight happening where I'm waiting. He'll run up, and there I will be, prepared to announce my love."

"Also prepared to be assaulted, I hope. If he hears about a fight, he's going to want a fight, and won't appreciate being lied to." Pointed out Lucrezia, "That's why you need me. I can get him there peaceably. For a cost."

Frowning, Tomie was suspicious. "Why do you want to help me? You're after Hibari too."

The other just grinned evilly. "I see more profit in assisting you than impeding you."

"Wow, you used a big word. I hope you didn't hurt your brain."

"Bite me." Lucrezia snapped, "Anyways, you want a peaceable encounter or not? If not, fine, don't whine to me when he tonfa's you for being a pathetic herbivore." Spinning on her heel, she began to walk away.

"W-wait!"

_Heh heh heh. "Will you walk into my parlour?" Said the spider to the fly..._

Lucrezia glanced back at the now-sheepish looking fangirl. The brunette shuffled her feet a bit. "Can you... can you really get him to meet me peacefully?"

Lucrezia nodded.

"And what is the cost?"

"Oh! That," the blonde laughed, "Tell you what - if your confession goes well, I'll waive it."

Tomie furrowed her eyebrows suspiciously. "Why would you do that?"

"I'd probably be hating you too much to even want to see your face, let alone collect payment."

The other girl nodded. "True. Your envy would be rather unbecoming." After giving it another moments thought, she settled on her decision. "Very well. I agree."

"Excellent." Grabbing her 'client's' hand, Lucrezia shook it thoroughly, "How does the park just down the road from here sound, just before the fireworks?"

"It sounds fine." Pulling back, Tomie retained her suspiciousness, "What are you planning exactly?"

"That's for me to know, and for you to regret later!" Laughing manically, Lucrezia took off as fast as she could in her yukata into the crowd.

"Wait! What? WHAT ARE PLANNING, YOU ANNOYING FOREIGNER?"

Regrettably, as Lucrezia reached the stairs, her lack of athletic skills caught up with her and sent her flying down them, much like another Mafia-related blond. More regrettably, this landed her in the middle of gang fight, and sadly, underneath the body of a flying goon. Gasping for breath, she tried to wriggle her way out, but it seemed as if the guy on top of her had swallowed a planet and was using it's gravity to crush her.

As she tried to squeeze her way out from underneath the unconscious person, she spotted Hibari amidst the fray. Realizing that she currently supposed to be getting his underwear, she began to panic and move faster, but the guy was too heavy and and she was too unfit - after thirty seconds she dropped her head to the ground, panting. There was no way she was getting out without help.

"Oy, four eyes, what're you doing?"

Her head shot up and she latched onto Gokudera's leg. "Free me! I need to escape before Hibari sees me!"

The bomber snorted and shot his elbow back into the face of someone attempting to sneak up behind him. "Why? I thought you'd want him to be your Prince Charming and rescue you."

"Are you kidding? He'd just laugh and pile more unconscious people on top of me."

He snorted at the thought of it. "Whatever." With a sharp kick, one that barely skimmed Lucrezia's head and made her squeak in terror, Gokudera launched the body off of her. She stood up and brushed down her yukata and straightened her obi.

Thanking her fellow half-Italian, she left him with some parting advice. "If he tries to take more of your guy's money, tell him you'll text me say that the deal's off."

"What deal? Is it about your collection of his underwear, panty-sniffer?"

"I DON'T SNIFF THEM, AND YOU HAVE A COLLECTION OF ILLICIT PHOTOS OF TSUNA."

"I DO NOT-!"

They interrupted by a goon jumping on Gokudera's back, and Lucrezia took the moment to escape.

* * *

With all the stealth of a crappy ninja, Lucrezia hunkered down under a bush that was lining the park where she promised to meet Hibari with the goods. Of course she had no intention of returning them - they were worth their weight in gold and blackmail material. (And in spite of Gokudera's claims she most certainly did not sniff them, that was beneath her dignity as a wealthy privileged brat.) But they did remain an excellent source of coercion, as shown by the fact that Hibari was actually there now, standing with his back to her hiding place. And, following only a few minutes later than him was Tomie, dolled up to the nines with a slight maidenly blush on her face.

_All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players... Speaking of which.._. A small video camera was pulled out of her purse and she held up to catch as much of the action as she could. This was a serious shojo manga-style confession scene going on, and like Hell she wasn't going to film it, subtitle it, and upload it to the internet for all the people of the world to see.

And the drama begin. Tomie, her eyes shining in the light of the setting sun, opened her mouth as though to say something, before hesitating and closing it again. The blonde in the bushes rolled her eyes; the fanclub president had no problem talking when it came to yelling at the foreigner, but one sight of the prefect and she clammed up. With an internal sigh (so as not ruin her video with sounds of frustration), she started sending mental messages at the two to hurry it all up.

Finally Tomie found her nerve. "E-excuse me, Upperclassman Hibari!"

_Did she seriously just call him... This is the most legit shit I've ever seen._

Hibari turned around, the sun glinting through his hair, a scowl crossing over his face. "Do you want something?"

Normally most girls would take off at this show of jerk-ish-ness, but not a psychotic fangirl in the midst of a confession. Instead, Tomie reached into the sleeve of her yukata and pulled out a pale pink envelope sealed with a heart sticker.

It took everything in Lucrezia's being to keep from collapsing and shrieking with ugly laughter.

"Upperclassman Hibari, for the longest time, I..." The brunette hesitated, "I've been watching you from afar. I think you are the greatest thing to happen to our school, and that you are just incredible. You're smart-"

_What...? Bitch, **I** do his homework!_

"You're always running around helping people-"

_'Helping?' What, when he isn't asleep on the roof?_

"And you're so strong!"

_Except around the lovely cherry blossoms, eh heh heh._

Finally, Tomie ended her spiel. "Basically, Upperclassman, the truth is, I'm in love with you!"

The fireworks went off at that moment, cued by the shojo magic floating through the air. Hibari stood as still as a stone, his face completely blank as Tomie watched him with large puppy eyes, waiting for his small grin and stock shojo love interest reply. The fireworks continued, cheering on the girl with their festive firey-ness.

"So you don't have my underwear."

The blonde in the bushes dropped her video camera to slap her hands over mouth so she wouldn't give herself away with evil cackling. Tomie looked completely dumbfounded.

"O-of course I don't have your underwear. Why would I have your underwear?"

His mouth twitched into a grimace as he turned away. "Idiot duck was supposed to return those by now." He pulled out his cell phone and began dialing as Lucrezia panicked and tried to turn off her's as quickly as possible.

"Hibari! Didn't you hear me? I said I love you!"

"Dating is against school rules, herbivore. Run along before I bite you to death."

The poor girl was nearly in tears by now. "But- but- I'm even the president of your fanclub!"

The prefect froze for a moment, before quietly snapping his cell phone shut. "Fanclub? I don't believe I gave authorization for any fanclub." Tomie tried to backtrack to no avail as his eyes narrowed on her. "Ah. You're the president of the reported 'Black Magic Hibari Fanclub'. My men told me there was no such thing. They'll have to be punished." He stepped towards her menacingly, "As will you."

"M-me?" She tried to back up, but her sandal slipped out from beneath her as she fell backwards to the ground.

"You." He stopped right in front of her, tonfa out for tonfa's sake. Having been in that position once or twice before, Lucrezia had to envy the view her rival fangirl was getting. "Your club is henceforth disbanded. As well, you, and any other fanclub member I can sniff out, will spending your evenings cleaning the sports equipment in the gym for the first two weeks of school."

Tomie's jaw had dropped. "W-what? But- but-!"

But he had already turned away. "Now excuse me herbivore, but it's duck hunting season." He stormed out of the park.

The stupefied former fanclub president stared after him, blinking in shock, not even noticing when a blonde with a cheshire cat grin appeared behind her. "Well, that was funny." Lucrezia said.

The brunette jumped to her feet and grabbed her rival by the collar. "You! You set this up!"

"Uh, yeah. You asked me to."

"But he- he-!"

The American pulled herself out of the grip. "Rejected you as he always would've? At least I got you an awesome setting."

"But he rejected me!" The other girl wailed as she fell to her knees, "He rejected me and now my fanclub's been disbanded!"

"Ah, yes, speaking of your payment..."

"Payment?" Shrieked Tomie, "I am paying you nothing-" She was stopped by a piece of paper thrust into her face.

"Now, if you could just sign towards the bottom..."

Tomie stared at the paper in sheer confusion. "The... Bovino club...?"

"Si, si!" The cheshire grin turned maniacal as Lucrezia stared down at her unwitting prey, who shivered in horror when she looked up.

"Welcome to the famiglia~"

* * *

"Do you really have his underwear...?"

"Five hundred yen a grope."

"...I have two thousand."

"Aw, Hell, I'll toss in a free one as welcoming gift! What's famiglia for?"

* * *

_"Hello?"_

_"Herbivore, where is my underwear."_

_"That is no way to greet someone on the phone, Hibari."_

_"Hello. My name is Kyoya Hibari. You stole my underwear. Prepare to die."_

_"There's a shortage of perfect breasts in the world. It would be a pity to damage yours."_

_"...what."_

_"I thought we were quoting The Princess Bride."_

_"Is that some crappy foreign show again?"_

_"I'M BRINGING IT OVER."_

_"Herbi-"_

_ "I'M BRINGING IT OVER RIGHT NOW."_

_"BRING MY UNDERWEAR OVER RIGHT NOW."_

_"As you wish!"_

* * *

"No."

"But Lucrezia-!"

"Nooo."

"Please, it'll be fun-"

"_No_."

"The costume is so cute, and you'll get to scare people-"

"FOR THE LAST TIME, KYOKO, I WILL NOT DRESS UP A WALL WITH LIMBS."

"But a nurikabe costume would be so adorable on you!"

"NO, NON, NEIN."

"Alright, fine..."

"I have something else in mind."

"E-eh?"

* * *

As Tsuna turned around the corner of the graveyard with Lambo's sticky hand in his own, he stopped dead. There, in the center of the cemetery's pathway was a small figure wearing a gasmask. It slowly turned it's head towards him, it's blank eyes staring right into his soul and sucking it dry as it's hand lifted towards him.

"_Are you my mummy_?"

With a shrill scream, he bolted to the other end of the graveyard.

* * *

_Herbivore._

_These things aren't my underwear.  
_

_Attachments: what-even-are-these . jpg_

* * *

_Hibari,  
_

_How did you get my email? And chill, they're Victoria's Secret so they're really soft.  
_

_Yours 5eva (dat means i luv u moar than 4eva),  
_

_Lucrezia_

* * *

_...I'll bite you to death.  
_

* * *

Rather than coming in a car, Jeff strolled up the walkway, waving and grinning as he approached the porch where Lucrezia and Nana were waiting. After gathering up his daughter in a hug, he passed a parcel to Nana, a thank-you gift for taking care of the Bovino children before dragging 'Crezia out to town.

It was much easier hanging out with Jeff than with Mama. He didn't insist that she tell him all about Hibari, and what the prefect was up to, and did he prefer boxers or briefs or commando, or such...

"So, how is that guy you're stalking?"

Scratch that.

The blonde shrugged, sighing sadly. "I've barely seen him, I've been so busy taking over his fanclub."

The man burst into laughter. "Oh yeah! Your mother got a very teary phone call from your grandfather, he was so proud of you!" He had always taken the Mafia thing very easily. The grin slipped off his face as he continued. "Your aunt, Lulu, though, was very angry. Called your mother screaming about how you were trying to steal the family business away from her."

Snorting, Lucrezia shook her head. "Zia Lulu is all talk. I ain't scared of her."

Humming his disapproval at her cavalier attitude, Jeff followed up with a question on how her programming and tinkering projects were going. She answered with a sheepish grin.

"I haven't been very inspired lately," she told him, "There's no one around to be enthusiastically geeky about it with. You, Jasmine and Mr. Olson at Saint Mary's are on the other side of the world."

Jeff considered this at some length as they went and bought coffee in a cafe. As they sat down, he stroked his stubbly goatee in thought.  
Finally, he slapped his hand down on the table, startling everyone around them. "I shall give you a challenge!"

Lucrezia raised her eyebrows as she sipped her cappuccino. "Oh ho. A challenge?" They'd done this before when her enthusiasm for something was waning. Jeff would come up with a project (or two) and a deadline, and if she completed it in time he'd let her stay home from school, and he'd take a day off of work, and they'd make snacks with Bella and have a sci-fi marathon of some sort. And if she failed, Bella got to take her out clothes shopping.

There was a reason she'd only failed once (and since bought her clothes solely off the internet).

Of course, now she had to wait for Jeff to come up with a project.

Hmm-ing and haw-ing, the gaming CEO finally made a decision. "You shall write a program that will take over your school's intercom system and play a silly song whenever someone tries to speak." He looked proud of himself, "Not only do you have to write a program, you have hack the system and that'll force you to be sneaky, _and _you'll probably end up running into that guy you have a crush on! It's perfect!"

"But what will my reward be? I don't live with you guys anymore." Pointed out the duck-haired girl.

Again stroking his goatee in thought, Jeff decided. "Your mother wants to come out in a couple months for a week or two. I'll convince her to send Jasmine instead."

"And if I fail?"

"Your mother for two weeks."

"Done deal."

They settled on a deadline of three weeks and clinked their cups together to seal the agreement.

* * *

_Dear Mama,_

_Educating the new recruits. Starting off with their leader. Tell Nonno 'thank you' for the massive package of pasta, but that the bazookas are unnecessary at this point in time and are being sent back.  
_

_Yours,  
_

_Lucrezia_

* * *

"What are we even doing here?" Hissed Tomie as they peeked out from behind a bush.

Rather than answer, Lucrezia chose to ignore her new second-in-command, pulling out a pair of binoculars and putting them up to her eyes. Ah, yes. There they were.

The Student Disciplinary Committee, in all their beach-going, sun-bathing, trunks-and-speedo wearing glory.

She quickly counted them out, figuring out who was on guard duty (presumably guarding against people such as, well, her) and who was having fun frolicking amidst the surf and lazing away on the sand. After assessing the situation, she passed the binoculars over to the black-haired girl, instructing her to observe the situation.

"So, what do you think would be the best way to approach?" Questioned the blonde after giving her partner ample time to see.

Tomie stared at her. "_Approach_?" She asked incredulously, "Why on Earth would we approach the violent people that run our school like a dungeon?"

Lucrezia tsked her into silence. "You are learning about how to be a Mafioso. Mafiosos do stupid things like this."

"I thought Mafiosos hit people up for money and ran casinos."

"...Well, _my_ famiglia does stupid things like this."

Humming her disapproval, Tomie stared through the binoculars again as she asked what the point of approaching would be.

In response, Lucrezia held up a camera.

"We're going to take pictures? Why?" Squeaked out Tomie.

"Blackmail, of course. You're in the Mafia now, start thinking like it."

As the other girl sputtered, Lucrezia stole back the binoculars, frowning as she stared at the beach. There was Uodoru, and Kusakabe in a speedo, that would be a picture worth having a couple hundred of around, and ugh, that Kawamura as well, but where was...

"What do you two think you're doing here?"

The girls slowly turned their heads to look up at the head prefect standing above them, clad only in a pair of black swim trunks. Tomie's hand flew to her face as she tried to stifle a nosebleed and Lucrezia stood up, grinning like the idiot she was.

"Why, Hibari! How lovely to see you again. You remember former president of the Black Magic Hibari Fanclub Tomie, yes? Good. We are here..." She threw off the long t-shirt she was wearing to display a bright green bikini top and tight black short-shorts, "To be your beach babes! By the way," her finger jabbed him in the stomach, "Where are your abs?"

Loudly cackling like a maniac, she took off running towards the beach, Hibari in hot pursuit, tonfas out from the pockets in his trunks, and a shriek of "WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH BEING IN THE MAFIA?" following them to the water.

* * *

_Dear Mama,_

_Tell Jeff I win._

_Yours, _

_Lucrezia_

* * *

Tsuna glanced the classroom, a typical worried look on his face. "Eh? Where are Yamamoto and Lucrezia?

"Don't worry boss!" Flashing a thumbs-up, Gokudera grinned with pride, "I sent Yamamoto to Italy! Dunno where the freak is, though."

"I-Italy? Why is he-"

At that moment, the PA system clicked on.

"**DO WHAT YOU WANT 'CAUSE A PIRATE IS FREE! YOU ARE A PIRATE!**"

"MOOOOVE!" A blonde wearing a pirate hat flew through the classroom and jumped out the window, a team of prefects in hot pursuit. They all paused at the window, though.

"Should we follow her?" Questioned one.

Kusakabe, at their head, disagreed. "The chairman is down there. He'll take care of it."

"NOOOOOO! NOT THE SPIKY TONFAS!"

Sighing, Tsuna sunk low in his seat. It was going to be one of _those_ days.

* * *

**And for your patience: Lucrezia James List of 25 Reasons Why She'd Be A Badass Wife For Hibari**

* * *

01. I have mad tech skills, like woah. Internet down? I can fix it faster than AT&T, though that isn't saying much because AT&T sucks.

02. I know how to make tea (even though it tastes like shit I can learn I swear)

03. Doctor Who episodes whenever you want. Like, no kidding, best show ever, you will come to love it, YOU JUST NEED TO SEE HOW AWESOME FOUR IS OKAY AND NINE IS PRETTY COOL TOO.

04. I am incredibly rich and my mother would probably pay you to marry me.

05. Most of your committee likes me (or at least my tenacity rawr)

06. I know how to clean, I've seen my housekeepers do it.

07. I can cook.

08. Free video games from my dad's company, like holy shit, how cool is that? You're a teenage boy, you know you want them.

09. You like birds and my hair resembles a bird's ass, c'mon baby, you know you want a piece of that action.

10. I hate people as much as you do and finding someone to hate everyone with is how people fall in love.

11. I speak Italian, English, French, Spanish, Japanese, a bit of Mandarin and l33t, which is useful when you hate people because you can yell at them in different languages to go away.

12. But I like people enough that I could deal with them while you drank tea so you wouldn't have to.

13. I won't judge you for having porn.

14. On that note, we would probably have sex eventually (waaaaay eventually) and being a teenage boy you would probably think that's awesome.

15. I am an American, hamburger is practically my middle name and you like hamburgers, this is clearly fate.

16. I also like Japanese food. More fate.

17. I can sorta put on a yukata. Hell, I can even walk (or vaguely shuffle) in a yukata.

18. Takoyaki is for punks anyway.

19. Your fanclub are my bitches.

20. I have a good sense of humor about your lack of abs.

21. My nickname is 'boss', which is a cool nickname.

22. I'm not a herbivore, since I like steak. And hamburgers. Which you like. Just sayin'.

23. My hair can make a kick-ass pompadour with enough hairspray, seriously, my mom can show you the pictures.

24. My best friends never get on your nerves because they are cool people so I clearly hang out with a classy set.

25. Our babies would grow up to be tech-genius fighting-genius sexy people because our genes are so compatible.

* * *

**So, that's it for the Daily Life Arc! It's over! After two and a bit years! I'm definitely going to try and get out more chapters this year. It's a New Year's resolution. That, and get into UBC. Also, a reminder that there is a poll on my profile and your votes are making me laugh, so keep at it!**

**Thank you to everyone who has been ridiculously patient with me while I suffered through the hellhole known as 2012, congratulations to us all for surviving the apocalypse, and leave lots of reviews to guilt me into writing more chapters!**

**HAPPY NEW YEAR!**


	12. Teeth

***SCREECHING NOISES ABOUT FINALS***

**IF I OWNED KHR I WOULDN'T HAVE TO STUDY FOR FOUR EXAMS NEXT WEEK**

* * *

**Chapter Twelve: Teeth**

* * *

_Dear Mama,_

_Thanks for the notice. Will be sure to keep well out of the way of any escaped Mafia convicts, and will talk to Reborn. And stop whining about not coming out, you visit often enough and Jasmine will be fun to have around (one month!)._

_Yours,_

_Lucrezia_

* * *

The call came at eight in the evening, right after dinner.

They were hanging out in the living room, Lucrezia and Tsuna playing a multi-player fighter game with the kids (minus Fuuta, who had left a few days ago on business.) She was happy to play it through, as it had been on a list of games Jeff had wanted her to look at for him. She had just pulled a finishing move on him when her phone began to hum the Addams Family theme song, the ringtone set to alert her to a call from the Black Magic Hibari fanclub. Ignoring Tsuna's groans of defeat, the blonde flipped open her phone.

"Talk to me."

"Boss, there's an emergency."

The urgency in Suzu's voice made Lucrezia excuse herself from the room. As soon as she was in the hallway, she demanded the details.

Apparently Chiyo and Hibuzawa, her Disciplinary Committee boyfriend, had been out for a walk together. As they were walking back to her place, a pair of strange teenage boys had approached them, one wearing a toque and glasses and with a barcode tattoo on his face, and the other a blond with a scar on his nose and weirdly pointy teeth. They told Chiyo to leave. Of course, Chiyo was of the romantic sort and refused to leave her boyfriend's side, even when Hibuzawa also told her to go.

At that moment, the blond had struck.

Hibuzawa had shoved Chiyo out of the way just in time and the attacker had missed her but managed to land his foot in the prefect's face. Though Hibuzawa had tried to put up a fight, he had quickly been overwhelmed. Chiyo ran off, hoping to find help, and when she came back Hibuzawa was unconscious and twenty of his teeth were missing.

By the time Suzu had finished the story, Lucrezia was out the door.

* * *

Tomie, Suzu and Kokoro were waiting for her on the sidewalk outside the hospital. A nauseous feeling settled in her stomach as she walked by it, by she pressed on to the girls who were clearly going to be looking to her for guidance, as the 'boss'.

Sigh. If she knew minions would be this much work, she would've thought twice before press-ganging them into the family.

"Why is she even necessary?" Muttered Tomie, kicking at a rock.

"Because Boss is a big Mafia bosses granddaughter, and she knows about these things." Explained Suzu as though she was explaining to a small child why they couldn't eat a bug they just found on the ground.

The girl wasn't convinced and latched on to something else. "And why is everyone calling her boss? She's not your boss! She doesn't even go here!"

"Yeaaaah, right behind you." 'Crezia waved awkwardly as the three jumped and turned around. Well, two of them jumped. Kokoro, the club's vice president and doujinshi circle's head artist, just turned her unnerving gaze on the Italian-American, who shivered. The tiny girl kept her voluminous black hair in two braids, which lent to her aura of 'creepy child from a horror movie'. It was from her that the Black Magic Hibari Club got the 'black magic' part of the name - she had an unhealthy obsession with voodoo dolls and 'ghost summoning spells'. Even Lucrezia, the most obnoxious person around, was wary of her.

But the blonde decided to ignore the creepy girl and get down to business. From the sounds of it, Hibuzawa was going to pull through just fine, but he would need to get fake teeth put in and would have to stay in the hospital for the next week or so. They all winced when they thought about how Hibari was going to react to that. The head prefect tolerated no weakness from his men.

That was when Chiyo left the hospital, wiping tears away from her eyes as Arisa, the screentoner, kept her arm around her. Both of them made their way over to the small group when they spotted them. Immediately, all the girls other than Lucrezia and Kokoro began to try and comfort Chiyo, asking about how she was holding up, and if Hibuzawa was doing any better, and if there was anything they could get for her.

Before she could answer any of the questions, though, Lucrezia shoved a picture in front of her face. "Are any of these guys the ones who attacked you?" The picture was a mugshot of three teenage boys, two of whom Chiyo instantly pointed to.

"It was that one and that one, the blonde and glasses guy. I didn't see the guy in the middle."

Lucrezia quickly made note of the names written at the bottom of the page: Ken Joshima and Chikusa Kakimoto. Fantastic. Two of the escapees from the high-security Mafia prison were confirmed to be in Namimori. She bet it had something to do with Tsuna. Everything irritating and Mafia-related had to do with Tsuna. It was a law of the universe or such.

Her internal whiny monologue was interrupted by a siren. The girls all moved out of the way as it sped into the emergency entrance, Arisa chasing after it to find out what was she returned a few minutes with a grave face, she announced that the newest victim was Kawamura. While the other girls gasped, 'Crezia simply ignored them and turned her attention to the approaching figures on the sidewalk.

"Hm? What's this crowd doing here?" The former fanclub froze in their spots as their boss shouted gleefully at Hibari and was met with a tonfa to the face. He glared at each one of them in turn until they all backed up a few feet, "Disperse before I put you all in there."

"Don't be rude!" Lucrezia scowled, still rubbing her sore cheek, "Hibuzawa is dating one of our friends. We're moral support."

His menacing glare was turned on her. "Dating is against the school rules."

"Please, just because you can't get laid doesn't mean nobody else should be allowed to - PUT AWAY THE SPIKY TONFAS, PLEASE AND THANK YOU."

With a snort, Hibari shoved the tonfas back in his jacket. He coldly surveyed his fanclub until they stepped out of his way, allowing him to stride past them and up to the hospital, where he would either fire Hibuzawa or put him out of his misery. Just thinking about Hibuzawa losing his place in the Disciplinary Committee made Chiyo burst into tears again, and Suzu and Arisa decided to take her home. After they left, Tomie turned to Lucrezia.

"I don't like you," she began, "You're incredibly rude, and something of a bitch."

"So are you." Lucrezia pointed out.

Tomie shrugged. "Yeah, whatever. But you know how this gang warfare stuff works, and, even though it _very much_ pains me to say so, you have more influence on our head prefect." Her hand shot out and grabbed Lucrezia by the collar, pulling her face close. "Destroy those bastards that tried to hurt Chiyo and get Hibuzawa back on the committee."

For a moment they just stared at each other, until another ambulance siren snapped them out of it. Lucrezia pushed aside Tomie's hand, but held onto it. She looked into the other girl's eyes and gave her sharp nod.

Yanking her hand away, Tomie spun around, heading back to her home. Kokoro made to follow her, but paused, glancing back at the strawberry-blonde with her terrifying emotionless eyes.

"If you get any of the blond man's hair, give it to me."

Lucrezia shivered.

When she was finally alone, she peeked around the hospital gate, ignoring the queasy feeling in her stomach as she pulled out her cell phone and dialled her one of favourite numbers. Luck was on her side when it was picked up after the first ring.

"What do you want, herbivore?"

"You to use my actual name, and you to come down here and talk to me."

"No and no."

Why couldn't he be like Yamamoto or Ryohei, who were relatively easy to push around? She sighed. "Okay fine, call me herbivore in spite of my passion for Teen Burgers, but at least come down. I know some things about what's going on here."

"Anything you know you can tell me over the phone."

"Yeah, but I can't show you their faces over the phone."

A curtain fluttering caught her eye, and she saw his face in a third floor window. She held up the photo and waved it at him.

He sighed on his end of the phone and hung up. A few minutes later he came out of the entrance and stood there, silently ordering her to come over to her. _Hell no I'm not going near that hospital_. In response, she waved the picture at him from the gate. His eyebrow twitched. She waved it again. Instead of coming over to get it, he turned around to walk back into the hospital.

"Nooooo!" She moaned, and, keeping her eyes averted from the building, ran over to him.

When she reached him, he snatched the picture out of her hands, ignoring her mutterings about rudeness. "These are the ones who did it?"

Lucrezia nodded, feeling herself go pale as she noticed the nurses and doctors just inside the door. "The blond and the glasses-dude. Chiyo said that the man in the middle wasn't there, so he doesn't seem to be involved at this point."

"Their names?"

Right, he couldn't read English. "Ken Joshima, Chikusa Kakimoto, and Mukuro Rokudo."

Hibari folded up the picture and shoved it in his pocket. "In spite of the panic that will no doubt rise over night, school will still be in session tomorrow. Be there." A frown crossed his face. "Are you sick?"

"Ha ha, noooo, I'm fine!" In spite of her attempted bravado, as soon as she turned her legs gave out and she collapsed to the ground, her stomach swirling. A moment of silence stretched between them.

"…What are you doing?"

"Shut up, Hibari, and drag me over to the gate."

* * *

Walking home, Lucrezia fumed. Now Hibari knew about her antiquitis _and_ her phobia of hospitals. Even if he was her future boyfriend, she didn't want him knowing all of her weak spots. As she walked, she bumped into someone and stumbled backwards.

"Hey, you! The foreigner who lives with Sawada!"

She stared at the guy she ran into with narrowed eyes. "Do I know you?"

The boy in front of her had his school uniform on despite it being Sunday and was carrying a bamboo sword on his back, which looked awfully familiar. He jerked his thumb at himself. "I'm Mochida! I told you back in February to tell Sawada to watch his back, and you never did!"

She stared at him blankly.

Growling, he kicked the sidewalk with his toe. "Whatever. I'm gonna walk you home, okay?"

Her eyebrows shot up. "Excuse me?"

"You live with Sawada, don't you? This way I can warn him myself." Shrugging he turned to stand beside her, "Also, I heard someone was attacking Namimori Middle students. I can't let a girl walk home by herself at a time like this."

In return for this little speech he got a deadpan stare. "Thanks, but no thanks," Lucrezia told him, "I don't want you knowing where Tsuna lives and I'm more capable of handling these guys than you are."

"These guys? What are you-"

A movement in the corner of her eye caught Lucrezia's attention and she shoved Mochida out of the way before jumping back, narrowly dodging a flying weapon. She landed on the ground hard, groaning as she tried to push herself up. The two students looked over to see a boy their age wearing a toque and a pair of glasses, with an odd barcode tattoo on his face. Lucrezia immediately recognized him.

"Shiiiiiit," she swore, not even caring about how much she owed the swear jar at this point. Slowly, not making any sudden movements so as not to alarm the approaching Mafioso, she shuffled over to Mochida. "You need to go," she told him pulling him to his feet, "This guy is bad news. Leave him to me." Okay, she knew how to make the tough speeches she had heard from dozens of main characters on her sci-fi shows and anime, but she had no idea how she was going to handle an actual hitman. Her family wasn't powerful enough for her to bluff her way out of a fight, and there was no way she could actually take this guy on.

Mochida gave her an incredulous look. "Are you kidding me? You couldn't beat this guy at all!"

Ah, good, her pathetic weakness was common knowledge.

The other teenager finally stopped just in front of them. "Kensuke Mochida, correct?"

Her eyes flickered between them. So he wasn't after her. That was both good news, and bad.

"What of it?" This Mochi dude was way better than her at the bravado thing, totally unfair.

Instead of responding, Chikusa, as she remembered from the picture, pulled his weapon out again. Apprehensively, she glanced at it, trying to see if she could come up with a counter-strategy that would exploit its weaknesses –

"A yo-yo." She said flatly. "Your weapon is a yo-yo."

Chikusa turned to stare at her. "Who are you?" He asked, menacingly twirling his yo-yo.

Hmm, would identifying herself as a mafia family member work in her favour or against it? She decided quickly when she noticed the little needles sticking out of his weapon. "Lucrezia James, and who are you?" She snapped.

He didn't answer her question, only cocked his head. "You… are not on the list. Get lost."

A list? They were using a list? She stood behind Mochida, deciding to stick around for as long as possible to get more information. The kendo club member had already taken his sword off of his back and held it out in preparation.

"How about you just keep moving along, before I beat your face in?" Ah, the arrogance was strong in this one. Mochida looked back at her. "And he's right, you should home, even your idiot host brother could fight this guy better, 'with his dying will.'" He mocked.

The escaped Mafioso looked at her dead in the eye. "You are associated with the tenth Vongola?"

Suddenly she didn't mind so much if Mochida was beaten to a pulp. "Thanks, jerk." She muttered, lightly kicking the back of his shin. When he turned around to snap at her, Chikusa struck.

The yo-yo whipped around their heads, grazing Mochida, who pulled away, and striking Lucrezia's ear. The needles created cuts along it, but mercifully didn't catch on any of her piercings. Gasping, she clasped her hand against it and ducked down, making herself a smaller target as her mother once told her to do if she was ever in a fight.

Shouting angrily, the kendo player charged, bringing his sword up high to strike. Chikusa took advantage of the opening and kicked him in the stomach, knocking Mochida backwards and bringing his yo-yo back around for another strike.

Mochida got his wind back just in time as the yo-yo slammed down into the pavement where his head had just been, cracking open the ground. Both Namimori students stared at the damage in alarm, and immediately they began to back away from the Mafioso.

"No." Said Chikusa, and another yo-yo flew out of his hands. He sent a yo-yo at each of them successfully hooking Mochida around his leg, but barely missing Lucrezia as she dived away. Chikusa used momentum from the missed attack to launch it back at Mochida, who attempted to strike it away with his sword but didn't land the hit; instead, the yo-yo struck him in the jaw with a resounding crack. Mochida dropped to the ground.

Gulping, Lucrezia tried to smile weakly at Chikusa. "Y'know, when he said 'with his dying will,' he actually meant 'with his cousin Bill.' I totally understand the confusion, but I really don't know any Vongola dudes-" She yelped as she ducked under another yo-yo attack.

"You will give up what you know of the Vongola Tenth's family and location, or you will join him." The hitman looked over at Mochida. Lucrezia took advantage of his distraction to reach into her back pocket.

"I have no idea what you want with some spaghetti alle vongole, but I can assure you-" This time he used both yo-yos when he attacked. Offering up quick prayer that she could manage to this without screwing up or accidentally killing herself, she slid under the yo-yos and their strings as though she was sliding in a baseball game, then pushed herself up, nearly tripping along the way, and jammed her homemade taser into his chest.

The effects were immediate. He collapsed to the ground and she took advantage of the moment to kick the yo-yo strings off of his hands before releasing the taser and running. He was instantly back up and after her, but she had the advantage of knowing the area. She thought guiltily of leaving Mochida lying on the sidewalk, but promised herself that she would call an ambulance for him as soon as she was safe.

He was almost on her when she reached an alleyway she knew led towards Haru's home, as Tsuna had mentioned once. At this time of night, it would be heavily populated with less than savoury types, but in this case it could work in her advantage.

Luck was on her side again, as there were plenty of tough-looking yakuza types inside. They all grinned when they saw her, ready to make lewd comments or worse, but she bolted past them. Chikusa was less interested in leaving them unscathed and she heard the sound of a yo-yo striking flesh.

"Hey! He hit Tora!"

"Let's beat that little twerp into the ground!"

She didn't wait around to see any of the fight, however one sided it would be. As soon as she was out of the alley and around the corner, she took her shoes off with shaking hands and carried them so her footsteps were silenced. Her heart pounded in her chest and she was sweating, and she tried to hold back her heavy breathing as much as possible. The last time she was this terrified was when she four and a small rival Mafia family had tried to attack the Bovino home. At least then she had her sister with her, but here she was alone.

After taking as many random detours as she could, Lucrezia finally reached the street that Haru lived on. As she crept towards the house, she heard the quick footsteps of Chikusa approaching from afar. She booked it towards the fence and, in a moment of athleticism she knew she would never again achieve, she leapt over Haru's front gate and landed in the grass garden, rolling away into the shadows. For a moment she held her breath, not even daring to breathe as she heard Chikusa's footsteps approach. He slowed down and paused at the corner, causing her heart to beat so fast that she could have sworn he'd be able to hear it.

At last, he ran off again, down the road opposite of the house and Lucrezia finally allowed herself to let out her breath, with the last of the adrenaline running through her, she dragged herself over to the door and knocked. Inside she heard Haru call out that she would get it and come over and open the door, gasping when she saw her friend.

"Haru," Lucrezia said weakly, "I need your help."

* * *

After hearing what happened, Mr. Miura immediately called an ambulance for Mochida and set off to the hospital to make sure he was okay, leaving Lucrezia in the care of Haru and her mother. They cleaned up her ear, which had been bleeding throughout her run. Once it was fixed, she made sure to call Nana, telling her that the hospital visit ran late and she was staying overnight at Haru's because of the attacks. Although Mrs. Miura disapproved of her lying, she understood when Lucrezia said that she didn't want Nana worrying all night, or sending someone out to get her. Especially Tsuna or Reborn, though she didn't mention that. She promised to tell Nana in the morning when she went to pick up her uniform.

Haru brought her some ice packs for her legs, saying that since Lucrezia was unused to running long distances, her muscles would be very sore in the morning. The Italian-American was incredibly grateful, as her legs were already beginning to ache. Silently she promised never to be rude towards Haru for stalking Tsuna again.

When Mr. Miura returned, he informed them that Mochida's parents were with him at the hospital, and though he had been badly injured, the doctors expected him to make a full recovery. More disturbingly, he added, fifteen of his teeth had been pulled out of his jaw.

Lucrezia had a futon set up for her in Haru's room, just in case any of her injuries acted up during the night. As they tried to fall asleep, Haru turned to look down at her guest.

"'Crezia?"

"Mmm?"

"Are the people causing the attacks after Tsuna?"

For a moment, Lucrezia marvelled at Haru's ability to be randomly and extremely perceptive. "No," she responded softly, "It's just another school trying to pick a fight. Don't worry about him, he'll be okay."

It seemed she was doing a lot of lying that night.

* * *

She swore to god that as soon as she got to school she was going to suck up all of her rabid dislike for the man and go ask Shamal for some painkillers. Even with the ice the night before, Lucrezia felt like she'd been mauled by a rabid bear. Getting back home was a pain, because she wanted to avoid Nana as much as possible so she wouldn't have to explain what had happened and why she had a bandage over her ear. Fortunately, no one caught her when she snuck in through the back door and changed into her uniform, throwing on a newsboy cap to hide the injury as best she could.

On her way to school, she noticed all of the prefects patrolling around and frowned. If there were this many out, then Hibuzawa, Kawamura, and Mochida weren't the only ones who'd been attacked. Ahead of her she spotted Tsuna, and though she nearly cried from the pain it caused, she jogged up to him.

"Hey guy," she panted, throwing her arm around him, "What's happening?"

"Lucrezia!" He gaped, "Where were you last night? And what happened to your ear?"

So much for hiding her injury. She blatantly ignored his questions as she looked at the flyers he was carrying. "Martial arts? Seriously? They'd eat you alive."

He gave her his best unimpressed look. "I know that. What happened to you?"

Instead of answering she just pointed out the prefects. "How come so many of the Disciplinary Committee are out? I've only heard about two of them being attacked."

"There've been eight attacks on prefects so far." Reborn informed her.

"I bet it's just a prefects against prefects thing…" Muttered Tsuna.

"It's not."

The three of them spun around to see Hibari standing there. Reborn greeted him while Tsuna quickly swore that he was going to school. For once, Lucrezia stayed quiet, not really in the mood for squeeing and jumping all over him.

"As far as we know, anyway." Hibari continued, "We think it's something more insidious." He saw Lucrezia and was about to speak when out of nowhere, the school's anthem began to play. Though Tsuna looked around confused, Lucrezia just rolled her eyes at Hibari's choice of ringtone as he answered.

"You're busy, so we'll…" Began Tsuna, but he wasn't given the chance to continue.

"Am I right that you know Ryohei Sasagawa?" Asked Hibari, "He's been attacked."

"Kyoko's brother!" Shouted Tsuna. He turned to go to the hospital. "Come on Lucrezia, let's go!"

She shook her head. "You go on, I'll be there later. I'll pick up homework for us, Ryohei and Kyoko."

Tsuna ran off with Reborn right behind him. Finally, Hibari spoke to her. "You were involved in the fight that put Kensuke Mochida in the hospital."

"I was." She gave him a quick rundown of what had happened the night before, minus the parts where she was completely terrified. After she finished, he in turn told her what they knew.

"There appears to only be two people causing all this damage, and they've been seen wearing Kokuyo Middle School uniforms. They've been leaving a countdown in the removal of the victims' teeth. So far there have been nineteen victims."

Rubbing her chin, Lucrezia thought on this. "It's a countdown with only nineteen victims, but Hibuzawa had twenty of his teeth removed."

"So far the most amount of teeth we've found missing is twenty-three."

The math was done instantly. "So if they've been counting down from twenty-three and we have nineteen victims, then there are four more to come." She frowned, "Why are you telling me all of this? It's unusually chatty of you."

"You gave me the names and faces. I've now returned the favour. Herbivore," reaching out, he tugged on her hat, "Hats are forbidden on the grounds of Namimori Middle."

With a small pout, she gently lifted the rim part that covered her wound. "I was just going to wear until I got to the nurses office for it to be treated properly."

He looked almost slightly impressed. "You received that in the fight?"

"Right before I tasered the glasses wearing punk."

He gave her a considering look, one that Lucrezia would always pretend meant she had earned a bit of his respect.

"Get to class, herbivore, after you see the nurse."

She went off happily, the warm glow in her chest almost making up for the soreness in her muscles.

* * *

The only person she knew in the classroom when she got in an hour later after seeing Shamal was Yamamoto, and he was asleep. Judging by the teacher's grumblings, Gokudera had ditched the class about ten minutes before she arrived. Not even Hana had showed up, probably at the hospital with Kyoko.

Since there didn't seem to be any point in the seating arrangement that day, she quickly slid into a seat next to Yamamoto, jabbing him with her pencil. He shot up with a jolt.

"Eh? 'Crezzy?" He blinked at her, "Your seat's in the back."

She shrugged. "I don't care. Everyone's at home because of the attacks?"

"Yeah, I guess."

They sat boredly for another half hour, the teacher not even bothering to try and teach when only five students showed up. At noon, it was announced that school would be closed for the rest of the day. Hibari would be pissed, she knew, but chances were that he'd be too busy chasing down the gang attacking Namimori to get at Tsuna. She almost felt bad for the attackers. Almost.

As they stood, Yamamoto gave her a light smack on the back. "Why don't you come over to my place and hang out? It'll keep us both out of trouble."

It was more the temptation of sushi that made Lucrezia agree, though the following promise of video games was just as agreeable. Besides, she rarely just got to hang out with Yamamoto without Tsuna and Gokudera, and he was probably the most normal person she knew. Maybe, just maybe, she could play video games and hang out like a regular teenager for once, instead of having to deal with family business-related stuff.

It wasn't meant to be, however. As they neared the shopping district, girls in their school uniforms hurried by, whispering about a fight and worrying over how much damage the explosions would cause to the shops. The two stopped and looked at each other, Yamamoto alarmed and Lucrezia resigned. "You were saying something earlier about keeping out of trouble?"

He ignored her. "It's got to be Gokudera." With a new look of determination, he took off running at full speed, Lucrezia trailing behind him at a much slower pace, even with less painful muscles.

She managed to catch up faster than she'd thought. Chikusa Kakimoto, much more bloodied and battered now from his apparent fight with Gokudera, stood at a stand-off with Yamamoto, who was defending Tsuna and Gokudera. At least that's dealt with now, she thought, guiltily relieved that she would no longer be a target for her information about the Vongola. The coward in her made her back up and partially hide behind a wall, watching the boys. There was a single attempt by Chikusa to attack, but it was repelled by Yamamoto's sword-bat. A few cries alerting police officers to the scene attracted everyone's attention, and as soon as the hitman stumbled off, Lucrezia ran over to help them with the fallen bomber.

"Take him to Shamal, he's the closest." She ordered as the boys picked him up, "I'm going to go home and deal with a few things, okay?"

"Lucrezia, you should come with us!" Tsuna stared at her in a panic, "That guy is still out there, he could come after you!"

Shaking her head, she turned away to run off. "I already ran into him. Now that he knows you're the Tenth, there's no reason for him to bother me. Call me later, okay?"

"Wait, is that why you didn't come home last night? Lucrezia!" As she took off, she almost missed him complaining, "She never answers me when it's important..."

Halfway home, her cellphone rang, Kyoko's number flashing on the screen. For once, she actually hesitated to answer it, knowing that she was most likely about to be dragged into some huge Mafia thing and not wanting to involve her friend in any of it. Finally, she flipped it open just before it went to voicemail.

"School was cancelled, right?" Her friend chattered eagerly, "Hana is at the hospital with me, and since my brother sounds like he'll be okay, we were thinking of going out! Do you want to come with us?"

Biting her lip, Lucrezia considered this opportunity. She could easily avoid being dragged into this mess even more if she agreed to go with her friends, but at the same time she couldn't help but want to go and help Tsuna. If they didn't nip this in the bud, who would be next? Nana? Lambo or I-Pin? Or even Fuuta, when he eventually returned to them. If she was there, it would certainly go a lot faster than without her. Besides, who else could provide the biting wit?

She made her excuses, but a thought struck her before she hung up. "Kyoko, how many teeth did Ryohei lose?"

"His teeth? Big brother, how many teeth did you lose?"

In the background, Lucrezia heard Ryohei protesting. "Don't be ridiculous, Kyoko, I fell - AH! KUROSAWA, WHAT ARE YOU DOING - ARRRGH!"

After a pause, Kyoko returned to the line. "He's missing five."

"Thanks. I'll talk to you later, alright?" After hanging up, she switched to calling Tomie.

The fanclub president was snippy when she answered. "I thought you were supposed to stop this fighting or something?"

"Ha ha, screw you too," responded the blonde, "Tomie, do you know who was admitted to the hospital after Ryohei Sasagawa?"

"Of course I do! Arisa has been there since this morning reporting to me." Apparently Lucrezia had not just taken over a fanclub and doujinshi circle, but also a successful spy ring. She figured it wasn't too surprising, given the object of their affection's reaction to fangirls. "The person after Sasagawa was Kusakabe, and no one's come in since."

"Oh, that makes sense. How many teeth did he lose?"

Tomie was sharp enough to catch on. "So that's important, is it? We've only heard of Hibuzawa, Kawamura, and Kusakabe losing teeth."

"They must keeping it quiet, then. How many did Kusakabe lose, and did you find out?"

"Sawada and his cousin were there and they checked. He lost four." She switched to another subject, "Hibari has gone after the culprits. He... he will win, won't he?"

Ah, even after the sting of rejection, dumb young love-slash-obsession carried on. "Thanks. And of course he will, don't be silly." She didn't mention that Hibari had never responded to her text, which while not entirely unsurprising, was a little worrying. "I think I might be joining some others to see if he needs any back-up, once we figure out where it is he went."

She could almost hear Tomie's look of condescension. "What good would you be? You're not a fighter."

"More good than you just sitting at home~"

"I'm with Suzu, keeping Chiyo company." The brunette replied stiffly, "When you see Hibari, make sure you have Hibuzawa put back on the committee."

"I'll do my best." Sighed the American as she hung up. She thought on what she had just learned. If Ryohei was five, and Kusakabe was four, and no one else had been taken to the hospital, that meant Gokudera was three. So Yamamoto must be two, meaning that number one... She froze on the spot. Meaning that number one was Hibari, and she had led him into a trap by giving him all the information she knew. Swearing under her breath, her mind rapidly made plans to try and figure out a weapon stronger than her usual taser. By then she had reached the Sawada house and spotted Nana in the doorway. Judging by the look on her host mother's face, Lucrezia would be grounded for life if she didn't do some fast talking. She gulped and approached the house.

"Lucrezia James, do you know how worried I've been?" Lucrezia didn't dare try to answer, already slinking back from the tone of Nana's voice, "Last night you didn't even come home, and this morning you snuck in and left without saying a word to me!" She stopped when she saw the bandage on the girl's ear, the wound dressed better now by Shamal. "Were you attacked?"

If only she hadn't sworn to Haru's mother that she would be honest. "Last night, I was walking home with a guy I know from school, Mochida, who I ran into on the way home. Then the attackers came and were beating him up, and they accidentally hit me, so I ran to Haru's place." And break out the big sad eyes, "I'm really sorry I didn't tell you last night, but I didn't want you worrying!"

Thankfully, Nana excused her with that, and agreed to let Lucrezia go out with Hana and Kyoko later. Lucrezia snuck off to her room, building a new, stronger weapon until Tsuna returned with Reborn and Bianchi. Reborn found her with her work.

"You're planning to come with us?" He asked with a single raised eyebrow. The toddler waked over and picked up her project. "Is this a cattle prod?"

"Nonno sent it to me." she answered, still working on connecting wires.

"...Where did you get that car battery?"

"The neighbour's car. I'm sure they won't miss it."

With a snort, he stood in front of her, a grave expression now on his face. "Lucrezia, this is not going to be a real battle. You've never truly seen action before. Are you ready?"

She paused, suddenly unsure. What would her mother do if she was seriously injured? Could she withstand that shock? Would she spend months and months on end just lying in bed again, unwilling to face the world?

But then she thought of Tsuna, and the way that he spent his evenings with her and the kids playing video games. How he made her feel like she was a part of family again, like a bratty younger sister. And how if they didn't stop these people now, she would lose the place that made her feel like she was home.

She smiled at Reborn, her eyes full of confidence. "Let's do this."

* * *

**More reviews lead to quicker updates.**

**Probably.**

**You should try, though. For science.**


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